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Discussionwhere are you at the ctb-o-meter?
Thread starter_Minsk
Start date
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I think I know what you mean. I recently did a post about a YouTube channel that visits famous gravesites. These are celebrities from the very early era to contemporary famous people, presented in random order. But many of these celebrities I have admired and see their headstone as an achievementāthey achieved their exit. Yes some had horrible harsh lives....but are at peace now. And one day I dream there will be something remembering meāhaving been declared dead in absentiaāthat I have achieved my exit.
Constant 6 or 7 lately, with spikes to 9. Alcohol makes me extremely suicidal after the buzz wears off. Which is partially why I've decided to stop drinking.
Been anxious lately, so 6.5-7 with times going up to 7.5 occasionally. I don't have my method available directly, so this drives up a lot of anxiety and it's hard to just move about when living at home with parents. I really miss living out on my own, or even with roommates as they are less nosy than my parents and would not nag me or eavsedrop as much on my day to day life.
3.8 today I went with the train to a big city. And I ate a very goos cheeseburger with french fries and a bottle of tonic water. I was quite envious at the couples that I've seen and I felt lonely and useless. But I was happy that I had that good meal. A emotion I seldom feel.
Strangely today I am a 5. All do to finding SS and everyone here. I have always felt so alone and that no one understands and being able to talk openly about my need to ctb, it is comforting.
Reactions:
Deleted member 4993, _Minsk and Lorntroubles
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