Venting What why how

[catbunny]

I have been avoiding everything lately cause I dont feel like doing anything. I dont want to deal with myself, my emotions, depression, anxiety, my school work, exam,.. So I have been doing so many things to distract myself from it.

I have been reading manhwa 24/7. All the time just to escape the reality asn everything because I cant sleep. I feel stress when I have to leave the app to deal with reality. It feels like an addiction. I think its because the mahwa is what I want my life to be. I feel like a dream. Also, I have been touching myself too much lately. I used to do it once a day (or none) just because it helps me get tired enough to sleep and Im pathetically lonely. But idk why I have been doing that so much lately. Maybe its because I don't think anything at all when Im doing it (?) My mind just went blank and thats magical since after it, my head is filled with thoughts.

I know this is bad. I should stop ignoring and avoiding stuff. I should study and all but I cant bring myself to do it. I feel lazy, burnt out and so much more. I wish everyday is my last day so I dont have to deal with this. I even delayed this vent for wtf reasons idk? Im going to ruin my own life and future if I keep doing this. But what if I just die?

 

[un.exist]

I don't know what else to say except that I'm in the same boat. I know it's wrong but I have no will to change. I have things to do and decisions to make, time is running out and I still do nothing. Pathetic. Either I get the courage to die or get the courage to live. To say I don't know what I'm doing with my life would be an understatement.

 

[witchcraft]

Relatable.

If I don't jerk myself off to sleep, then I will have to force myself to stay up well beyond the time that I needed to go to bed in order to fall asleep "naturally."

At which point, my sleep schedule has then been destroyed, and I have to try and wake up on like 4 hours of sleep.

But the worst part is that it never fixes itself. After a few days I will stop feeling tired at my new bedtime and the cycle repeats.