To join airforce or army. Because I was interested in fighter jets and guns. I used to believe in concepts such as country and patriotism.
While growing up, I realised that my body is weak. As an adult, I also came to know that concepts such as country, patriotism, religion are all bullshit powerful people use to control the weak ones. And weak ones choose to believe in them because they're powerless and afraid of death.
Ye, same. We all thought we were gonna fight for a noble cause by joining the army, serving the country et cetera but we don't owe any government anything.
They would've just seen us as sheep brainwashed into thinking they aren't sending us to a slaughter to fight their wars but to the so called ''Glory'' and Honor.
It always looked cool on paper but it's just propaganda.
Most of the wars and conflicts that surround us today are driven by a desire for money, oil, power and politics. They are resource wars whoever controls what godforsaken area of an ocean.
The whole concept of wars was much more complex back than driven by a certain ideology or religion. But the only battles worth fighting are for yourself and your loved ones without a doubt.
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be an engineer, Electronic Engineer just like my father to be more precise. I've always loved tinkering with electronics, repairing things and even making some with arduino and python. People told me I was smart for doing that at an early age, but I just didn't have friends until highschool and that meant a TON of spare time. I've always looked up at my father because he's just so smart and my granpa after retiring picked up the hobby of repairing appliances that broke around the house, sometimes he even broke them himself just to have something to do lol. He also was one of my great inspirations, after passing away I inhereted all his tools, but some ruthless motherfuckers in my family stole nearly all of them just beacuse I didn't have the heart to even touch them.
I should be living the dream right now, studying in the best university in my city (the same one my father studied nearly 30 years ago), yet it just feels so empty now. People there despise me, I've been through 3 friend groups already and in all of them I'm the bad guy. Grades started slipping after the 1st year, failed an entire semester for the first time in my life and got into 2 really damaging relationships (I don't know why I'm just so attracted to mentally ill chicks). Got depressed, meds doing a so-so job.
Sorry for the long story haha, I guess there's just a lot more than a "I wanted to be an engineer".
That's sad to hear you had potential to achieve that. Don't care about ''Universities'' your talent does not need to be proven by a certificate.
I've always been the punching bag in all the friend groups i have been in to be honest, The only ''good friends'' i had were didn't last long they either moved away to another place.
And i heavily relate to you on the mentally ill chicks part, hahahah. I've had multiple experiences in the past with these kind of women. Most of them have BPD which can lead them to being obsessed with you and they are really deep into bad stuff or sh, it feels nice at first like you got the ''one'' but it is a only matter of time they lose interest in you or cheat on you once they get bored of the attention. They are very needy, the energy needs to keep constantly flowing which isn't optimal in a relationship.
I wanted to be so many things but what undergirds all of that was my intense desire to make my mother proud. In fact that one thing alone kept me going even though my MH problems and suicidal thoughts started as a teen. And even now I suffer trapped in that guilt about what about my mother after I'm gone.
It's very noble to be wanting to make your mother proud and ye, i understand if you're gone it might leave your mother into thinking that she didn't care or look after you or she could've done something to prevent you from doing it. I had a very bad mother, you are very lucky to have a good mother.
Pretty typical, but as a kid I wanted to find love, get a decently enough paying job that could fund my hobbies, and above all, be happy.
Sometimes these things are just not in the cards for us.
Wanting all of these things is normal, it is also a biological instinct to achieve these things. But i guess this is for normal people, we're simply not in control to make these things true.