Discussion What is your reason to ctb?

[c.c]

Aside from the mental suffering..what are your main reasons to ctb? Or think why it wouldn't get any better?
I have pretty straightforward reasons-
1. Lost of my ability to pursue my career-
I just can't study no anymore, i have tried a lot of things and i am losing it day by day due to my trauma. My once dream career requires studing and i don't think i would be able to do it soon...will take a lot years
2. Wasting my parents resource, dissapointing them regardless of having potential and resources to do it but mental illness, seeing them hurt and hinding it everyday
3. Would have to deal will my molester for the rest of my life.( even the thought of seeing him in person makes me want to puke)
4. My little sense of safety (my bf) would break up with me soon and i haven't told him how much i need him but if he says "no" to helping..i will be HURT cuz he doesn't wanna help me when i was always there for him and if says "yes" i will feel like i forced him..
5. Every year i will see my molester (as i don't have any support system) my cptsd and depression will only get WORSE
6. The obvious pain,suffering in silence,mental illness...if not for above 5 reasons..i will kill myself because of this

Better to die soon with less painful memories than be a breathing corpse and die with far more pain

 

[InboxRain292]

Im surrounded by people (like parents) who has high expectations, but they "manipulate" me by saying they have low expectations (wtf... ) and tell me contrasting things daily. I don't know what to believe anymore, and I'm still young since I'm currently j a student, but i dont know what the future has for me in terms of getting a job and life in general. the people around me makes me feel like being alive is useless, because something in the future like monetary or social problems will j come and kill me anyways.

 

[elpurp]

being single, although the inability to escape my hypersexual tendencies is another.

 

[maka]

I have CPTSD and a fear of people, and it has made me incapable of keeping a job for longer than about a year and a half. I just got fired again for being "too quiet" and because everyone and their dog is getting laid off right now, it is impossible for me to find work. I am one paycheck away from homelessness and will be evicted next month, and I have no support system to help me until I can make rent. Aside from that, I also suffer from severe loneliness, and especially during the summer, it is incredibly hard to not be suicidal when everyone else is outside with their friends, families, and partners, and I'm all alone. I've exhausted all of my options, used all of my resources, did all of the therapy and took all of the meds, but I am not getting better. I cannot survive in a world full of apathetic people like this, I'm hoping whatever is next will be better.