Discussion What if having children was the answer ?

[zdeweilx]

Currently going through an existential crisis that makes me go insane. I really never wanted to make other people exist and suffer in this absurd universe but I've been thinking, objectively, wouldn't having children be a good way to find a meaning to life ? Every person I know who became a parent is too busy to think about the absurdity of their existence so they can't really get depressed and spiral because of it. What if this was the answer ?

 

[Hvergelmir]

...wouldn't having children be a good way to find a meaning to life ?

Yes, but so would other important responsibilities.
I think serving a cause greater than oneself, is a very good way to find meaning. Your children's wellbeing is definitely one such cause. I think the key is that one must consider ones own contribution indispensable. It doesn't have to be anything others recognize as important.

 

[byec560]

How to have a mentally ill child: Step One

 

[Pluto]

 

[PanaxMan]

Currently going through an existential crisis that makes me go insane. I really never wanted to make other people exist and suffer in this absurd universe but I've been thinking, objectively, wouldn't having children be a good way to find a meaning to life ? Every person I know who became a parent is too busy to think about the absurdity of their existence so they can't really get depressed and spiral because of it. What if this was the answer ?

Sure but do you have the responsibility to even have children. Do you have the willpower to do that?

 

[turned_to_one]

there's no inherent meaning to life. trying to seek meaning through others is bound to blow up in your face, and they'll be negatively affected when you don't end up completely fulfilled by them.

having children is not a bad thing, but having children to fulfill personal emptiness is dangerous. They're meant to be an extension of love that you carry within yourself, not a means to an end

 

[zdeweilx]

How to have a mentally ill child: Step One

Yeah that would be the downside. By doing that one would be repeating the same mistakes their parents made by having children for superficial reasons

 

[Forever Sleep]

A college therapist queried this with me. I think in a way- they were actually looking for ways to bring meaning into my life- I was considering quitting the course at that stage. I felt like my career prospects were poor.

Truthfully- while I tried not to show it- I found her (assumed) approach horrifying. Why encourage someone who is clearly really struggling in life to bring another being here to likely struggle too? What kind of role model did she think I would be to that child? I wanted to answer that I love my unborn child too much to inflict this on them.

Not only in terms of my genes- that surely has to be a consideration. But then- also for the kind of upbringing and stability I would give them. Why even risk it- that a person clearly already struggling- will step up and be a good parent? What a massive risk that is for that innocent child to have to live with.

Maybe she was thinking longer term though. When my child (pretty much inevitably) struggles- they'll likely need a therapist too! So- the likes of her will still be needed.

I suppose my antinatilist sentiments prickle at the thought though. Children and pets even- any living creature capable of suffering- I don't believe should be used as emotional crutches for others. Not unless there are very strong safeguards in place- to rescue either if the child or pet's parent can't cope with them. Which seems a fair possibility for someone who is already struggling to cope with life.

Brutally honestly- I think parents are mostly motivated by selfish needs anyway. They want to experience that love, closeness and being needed. But- to bring a child here when we aren't fit enough to be a parent- in any area of our lives- I just personally think- is bordering on cruel. It's a coin toss either way- what kind of life that child will have. But, to begin with an unstable parent I don't think gives them a good start. Speaking personally anyway. Right now- if I had a child that was struggling in some way- my heart would be breaking for having caused this for them.

So- there's that side to it too. Imagine having a child that was also suicidal. Or, that you constantly felt worried about? I doubt that would do much to support good mental health.

 

[VenomX]

There are people who have truly found meaning in their existence thanks to having children.

 

[returntothestars]

To quote The Good Place, there is no answer. There is no 'right way' to find meaning in life. Individuals who choose to have children aren't immune to depression or suicidal ideation.

 

[IronMed]

Partaking in bringing a conscious sentient being to life for whatever purpose is the ultimate form of objectifying a being and subjecting it to the same torture you have already identified as a torture. It's a romanticized way of producing a scapegoat for yourself at the expense of creating a being and subjecting it to the burden of existence and causality

 

[MapleS]

look, you can adopt a kid and make their life better than it would be.

You have meaning in life and this kid has family or at least support

and you are not bringing another existence to suffer

 

[DoomsdayCTB]

ironically I know i'd make the happiest parent....but the guilt of passing on bipolar disorder weighs heavy on me.i asked to be a surrogate to a friend, his egg choice and sperm...he said NO LMAO. hopeless....

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Don't have children to satisfy your own needs. They don't exist for that purpose and your children will ultimately fail. Do it because you are capable of caring for them and can unconditionally accept them and the circumstances they bring with them.

 

[Spit On My Grave]

Around 70% of women who said do not marry here are going to have kids and start a family within 5 years from now. Some people may attack me now but that is the reality. Having kids is not just about being a father or a mother it is about stability, find meaning in life and human instincts. Your boss would hesitate before they fire you a little bit when they know about it which can give you a sense of belongings. Leave alone the society' pressure when you turn 35 or 40 without getting married. Thr whole system encourages women to have kids in order to increase the population.

 

[purebliss]

Currently going through an existential crisis that makes me go insane. I really never wanted to make other people exist and suffer in this absurd universe but I've been thinking, objectively, wouldn't having children be a good way to find a meaning to life ? Every person I know who became a parent is too busy to think about the absurdity of their existence so they can't really get depressed and spiral because of it. What if this was the answer ?

If you intend to adopt: You are an amazing Person and you save people like me from an even worse hell. I was in an orphanage for 3 years and the things you feel there are never going away.
Please adopt whenever you can.

If you intend to breed you force another being into this hellscape FULLY knowing how bad it can get. That is plain sadism and one of the most selfish and egoistic things you can do as a human. It makes more sense to CTB then to indulge in a false sense of immortality and playing the disgusting lottery of pain with the life of an unborn soul on the line.

Adoption yes, Breeding no.