What do you do during your ‘off time’?

[lilb0wpeep]

I'm not entirely sure that is the right way to ask this question but simply put it's what I'm asking.
When you're not working and when you're not actively getting ready to go to work(or school ,etc.), what do you do? How do you choose? And how do get yourself to actually start + stick to doing what you're doing?
I feel like when I'm not working the only thing I can get myself to do is eat(even when I really shouldn't and don't want to) and watch tv/youtube/etc. Both of which I want to cut back on and don't find myself actively engaging with/paying attention to in any sense. Sure I could/should shower or could do a hobby but everything feels like 'it's wrong'. And or it takes up to much effort/energy/discomfort/time that I could spend doing the 'right' thing, and so on and so on. I know that's basically just making excuses and yet I still find myself unable to take action 90% of the time. And when I do I only achieve the first step of moving towards the idea/thing and don't actually do the thing. Typically I end up thinking about doing the thing or rehashing problems/scenarios and just kind of there motionless and stuck in my head. Or I'll do things but half assed and then just go back to thinking, rotting, eating, or most likely all of the above. And that's only when I have actually give in and choose an option. Otherwise, or the second I'm 'done' an activity, it's a continuous search of trying to solve my problems/this problem, just as I'm doing right now.
I try to practice meditation, to be more self aware and present in the moment, and what not. But I don't think I'm getting it. It's like I live my life only to work, and when I'm not I'm stuck on autopilot "eatbinge, sleep rot, shit" mode and while I want to escape I'm just trapped and can't do anything but that and search for way to escape(finding no answers). Fr I have no mouth and I must scream.

 

[raineen]

what i want to do in my free time is lay down and sleep for hours on end.
what i usually end up doing is mindlessly browsing the internet, or now, looking at this forum, and sometimes catching up with friends so they don't worry.

 

[Abyss Dweller]

Hey,
You have any chance of maybe seeing a mental health professional? Reason I'm asking is because last time I went to the psychiatrist I told her that I feel like learning but I can't do it as much as I'd like to. Somewhat similarly to you I start but just barely progress or at least I feel like so. I was prescribed Bupropion (Wellbutrin) and it feels like it is working and I can study, enjoy studying and can do it for longer periods.
So it's possible that with the right medication you can get over the hurdle.

 

[lilb0wpeep]

Hey,
You have any chance of maybe seeing a mental health professional? Reason I'm asking is because last time I went to the psychiatrist I told her that I feel like learning but I can't do it as much as I'd like to. Somewhat similarly to you I start but just barely progress or at least I feel like so. I was prescribed Bupropion (Wellbutrin) and it feels like it is working and I can study, enjoy studying and can do it for longer periods.
So it's possible that with the right medication you can get over the hurdle.

I have a bunch over the years. And I've been on so many medications as well, oddly enough the only one I felt had any positive effects was Bupropion. That said it did make my anxiety so insanely bad but it's whatever… the only reason I'm not on it is because it caused seizures so they won't let me take it anymore. Every other med has felt no difference in mood and bad physical side effects or bad effects on mood and bad side physical side effects.
I convinced my psychiatrist that me having a seizure every now and then wasn't as bad as me offing myself so he allowed me to go back on them, but he later changed his mind when I had another seizure…
Now I don't feel like there's anything else I can do.

 

[Pluto]

 

[EveningStock]

I have a bunch over the years. And I've been on so many medications as well, oddly enough the only one I felt had any positive effects was Bupropion. That said it did make my anxiety so insanely bad but it's whatever… the only reason I'm not on it is because it caused seizures so they won't let me take it anymore. Every other med has felt no difference in mood and bad physical side effects or bad effects on mood and bad side physical side effects.
I convinced my psychiatrist that me having a seizure every now and then wasn't as bad as me offing myself so he allowed me to go back on them, but he later changed his mind when I had another seizure…
Now I don't feel like there's anything else I can do.

I'm not entirely sure that is the right way to ask this question but simply put it's what I'm asking.
When you're not working and when you're not actively getting ready to go to work(or school ,etc.), what do you do? How do you choose? And how do get yourself to actually start + stick to doing what you're doing?
I feel like when I'm not working the only thing I can get myself to do is eat(even when I really shouldn't and don't want to) and watch tv/youtube/etc. Both of which I want to cut back on and don't find myself actively engaging with/paying attention to in any sense. Sure I could/should shower or could do a hobby but everything feels like 'it's wrong'. And or it takes up to much effort/energy/discomfort/time that I could spend doing the 'right' thing, and so on and so on. I know that's basically just making excuses and yet I still find myself unable to take action 90% of the time. And when I do I only achieve the first step of moving towards the idea/thing and don't actually do the thing. Typically I end up thinking about doing the thing or rehashing problems/scenarios and just kind of there motionless and stuck in my head. Or I'll do things but half assed and then just go back to thinking, rotting, eating, or most likely all of the above. And that's only when I have actually give in and choose an option. Otherwise, or the second I'm 'done' an activity, it's a continuous search of trying to solve my problems/this problem, just as I'm doing right now.
I try to practice meditation, to be more self aware and present in the moment, and what not. But I don't think I'm getting it. It's like I live my life only to work, and when I'm not I'm stuck on autopilot "eatbinge, sleep rot, shit" mode and while I want to escape I'm just trapped and can't do anything but that and search for way to escape(finding no answers). Fr I have no mouth and I must scream.

When I'm deeply depressed I really do nothing cause why do anything, if you are in pain anyway?
In my worst periods I was either sleeping all days, watching some tv shows or scrolling through my phone. Felt completely braindead, I really had no energy and no desire to do anything constructive.
Now, while medicated, it's much better. I draw and read and go for long walks like I used to before. It's still not ideal, there are days when I'm drained of energy, but generally speaking I can somehow function normally.
I hope you can find meds or treatment working for you.