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DiscussionWhat did your parent, gaudian or a even freind said that messed you up?
Thread starterFoxSauce
Start date
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My mom always told me I would never amount to anything, even as a child. That I was lazy, good-for-nothing, and not really smart.
But there's one memory that really takes the cake.
Had my 25th birthday during the pandemic. My opportunities were scarce but I saved up enough from my VERY small salary to have a birthday dinner with my family. At dinner, my sister suddenly felt weak, became feverish, and had a headache. We immediately thought of COVID. She has always been so frail-looking and I was so scared for her because a friend recently succumbed to COVID. Everyone wanted her tested so whatever the result was, we would know what treatment she needed. My mom instead went hysterical saying if my sister got recorded as a positive case, we would all be "close contacts." She said that would prevent her from reporting to her new work abroad and her company might sue her for breach of contract. Idk if that's a thing but I call BS. I tried to deescalate anyway and tell her gently "I don't think they would do that because it's nobody's fault someone in your family got sick." stuff like that. I promise I tried to sound as reassuring as possible. She ended up lashing out on me and yelled saying "My job is nothing like your pathetic job!" Mind you, the "pathetic job" was the one that kept the bills paid during the pandemic. She was jobless, but her lights were on, water was free-flowing, and she was online because of that stupid pathetic job.
I got so sad about the whole situation. Getting yelled at and berated on my own birthday... at my own birthday dinner I worked hard to have and looked forward to. My job that provided for the family being reduced to nothing. And for what? Caring? My mom showed more concern about her stupid job than her sick child. (SPOILER: SHE DIDN'T EVEN FINISH THE CONTRACT. SHE GOT SENT HOME!) So messed up!
I hid in the kitchen and held back my tears as hard as I could.
I'm in a better place now. She was wrong about all the terrible things she said I was and would be. But they still weigh heavy in my heart.
"If you haven't killed yourself yet, you're probably not suicidal/never going to."
I've wanted to die nearly my whole life. I wasted all of my actual youth (and not that coming-of-age shit like you) afraid of the future and 'lived' like I was already going to die. Hearing that after my breakdown when I was too weak to hide anything made me feel like my entire life and everything I had felt up to that day was being invalidated in real-time by a worthless piece of shit that's supposed to be an older sister.
Someone who claims to have become "depressed" in college and finds their nonexistent worth in deadbeat men from their list of online friends dares to tell me that? You would never understand. I will never forgive you and I will always despise you. For that moment and for everything you've caused ever since you came back and (finally) left again.
My life was already ruined but congrats, you've pushed me down to a new low with a whole new disorder that will haunt me for the rest of my (hopefully short) life. Why couldn't you leave before you caused that? Why do you always fucking show up and cause a mess right before you leave? It feels like you pull all this shit on purpose. My anxiety runs 24/7 because of you now. My brain and body freak out whenever Mom gets a phone call because you might be on the other end and I don't want to hear your disgusting ass voice. I immediately tense up when someone has the same name as you or you're brought up in a conversation. All this unnecessary stress is your fault. I will never truly be at peace unless I'm gone. But now I will always be stressed and pissed unless I'm gone.
And to a lesser extent:
"You think you're funny?"
Fuck you, to the girl who said that in middle school (no name drops since someone here might have the same name ). Such a dumb thing to obssess over but it still stuck.
"Man up". Urgh I hate that statement. Cause all life worries and issues will go away once u "man up" right. It sucks that whenever u try to open up as a guy u immediately (more often than not) shut down. Then they wonder why CTB is something like the top 5 cause of death in young males
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