Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[itsgone2]

I knew I wasn't living a good life but thought I was sort of close. I was wrong in every way. My life is completely ruined. I wasn't careful. That's it. I got careless, thought things would just be ok, and instead my plan is to buy a gun and do something truly awful. Unbelievable.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

So high. And so missing my person.

 

[corpse]

I just want to finally end my suffering and find peace. I am ready to die.

 

[violetforever]

the only good thing about not being taken seriously as a young woman is that it makes suicide that much easier. im just viewed as a dramatic young girl who isnt really capable of doing it until its done.

 

[violetforever]

i am out of my mind. i cried my eyes out in the shower and now im beating myself harder than ever and putting all my strength into each hit. i want to be dead and covered in bruises. i cant do another mental breakdown. i cant lay in bed for a week again and then pretend everything is fine when my family demands me to stop. anything or anyone please kill me.

 

[corpse]

I'm so tired of being mentally ill. It's been like this my whole life. I just can't take it anymore. I never have a normal day. I've never had a normal life. I'm so tired of being tired.

 

[Manaaja]

You know what I hate about myself?

If someone rapes me a million times, then gets a heart attack. I don't think "Hah, serves you right! Good riddance!". I think "Oh shit, a living feeling being is having a heart attack, I need to help them!". I instinctively can't see suffering or dying or very sick people as evil no matter how much evil they have done to me and others.

I can't kick someone who is on the ground. So, what will happen? They get up, their health returns, and they go back to raping and killing and torturing me.

I hate that part of myself. It's like a fire fighter who thinks "well, there's only a tiny flame anymore, let's stop!" and then soon the flame is big again and the house building is on fire and everything burns and everyone dies.

I need to work on that.

...I hate how inside a person there can be two people: the "I'm physically strong so I'll use my body to bring suffering!" and "I'm physically harmless, so I'll now be super nice to everyone so they won't harm me!".

My father is just like that. The second he is bedbound he starts the "My dear children" act.

A billion years ago, fathers didn't exist. Children did. Children are a billion years closer to gods than fathers.

 

[corpse]

I want to die.

 

[Lefty]

Feeling unsure

 

[glitterpvppy]

happy because I finally figured out how to interact on this forum. A minute ago I was like really suicidal though bc I was thinking about my ex boyfriend moving on with his life.

 

[tomame]

not good enough and hopeless and tainted

 

[Spite]

Dreading going back to work tomorrow. I'm so tired of this never-ending Groundhog Day bullshit...

 

[violetforever]

left my house to practice driving with my grandma. i love spending time with her, it almost makes me not want to die :( but then we talk and complain about how awful this family is and im reminded that i cant take it anymore. i almost swerved off the road from how distracted i was by the train. just looking at it and fantasizing how the wheels could roll over my neck.

then when i got home i saw my package with my rope arrived! my mom wasnt home and my grandma didnt see the package so thats good. it was literally just in a regular brown package though. it didnt look suspicious and wouldnt have been a problem lol. the feeling of a real rope around my neck. i literally sighed from relief at how it fit around me. euphoric feeling again. i couldnt mess around with it too much because my mom came home but i will later. now that i have a rope i can really practice and decide if hanging or the train is for me.

 

[violetforever]

i cant even get out of bed anymore except on days i have school. i dont know how much longer ill be able to get myself to do that either. i wake up and cry and just lay here for hours. im falling behind in schoolwork and its making everything worse. im probably doing it on purpose to push myself to ctb.