Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Ferreter]

Hurt, regret, shame, guilt, anxiety, fear, feeling stuck, feeling trapped, feeling hopeless, shock, sadness, pain, disbelief...

 

[ghost-shock]

Nothing and lonely

 

[1997]

Empty and tired

 

[barely_afloat]

Drained. What's the point in doing anything? I want to disappear but oh well.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I feel like everything is crashing down on my life. If only I had a way out, I would've taken it already, but I don't.

 

[technicallyAlive]

I have contradictory feelings at the moment. I don't want to die, I think that even if I'm talentless that I can maybe at the very least become a mother at some point. But then again I dont want to add to whats already pretty bad generational trauma, so as much as I want to live I think it would be best if I ended my bloodline here </3

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Recording me wearing a pair of jeans that I bought and like just because my muffin top is showing is not showing that's going to help me internally. You'll suggest that you're doing this type of shit as a "lesson", then inevitably cry about why I killed myself. It's small shit like this; it totals up over time. I can't buy drugs to make me thinner (like you, living in your pretty-privilege blindspot) and I only have one body to live in. I'm trying to appreciate that as much as I can.

But I can't win, can I? I can't be allowed to accept myself—let alone love myself.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Recording me wearing a pair of jeans that I bought and like just because my muffin top is showing is not showing that's going to help me internally. You'll suggest that you're doing this type of shit as a "lesson", then inevitably cry about why I killed myself. It's small shit like this; it totals up over time. I can't buy drugs to make me thinner (like you, living in your pretty-privilege blindspot) and I only have one body to live in. I'm trying to appreciate that as much as I can.

But I can't win, can I? I can't be allowed to accept myself—let alone love myself.

Who the fuck does something so rude as some sort of "lesson"? I agree, it's small shit like that what adds over time, people with privilege understand jack-shit, and some of us apparently can't win. But, to reiterate, that's a really shitty thing to do as a friend...

 

[FullCircle]

Nothing in me wants to be alive.
I have a husband who loves me, and I love him so much. A dog who keeps me here and brings me joy and depends on me. They are why I'm still here.
There are people who would be hurt if I left. My therapist of 10+ years who has been with me through the worst of this battle. A motherly figure who has been with in the ER after a serious self harm incident that put me in the hospital. People who want me to recover. Siblings and their kids who I love deeply. How do I explain that I love them but I don't want to exist anymore?
I've struggled for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed at 12. I get through. I work. I survive. I take care of what I need to. But I want to die. I just do.
I drink and smoke weed, cut when I have to, just to get through. I'm on meds to manage the anxiety. But I refuse to take more. If rather be dead than a zombie and a slave to the medical system.
I feel so selfish. I just don't want to do it anymore.

 

[AnimusLapsus]

I feel equally terrorized about my miserable condition in life and the prospective conditions, or lack thereof, I may find myself in if I proceed to end it. I am anguished and tortured endlessly by several chronic illnesses that possess no cure or indication of improvement. Still, my yearning for relief from the torment does not negate the existential fear of what lies beyond. Does excessive and unjust suffering justify the premature jump into an eternity of obsoletion? Will the end of the rope yield the consummation I so desperately desire? Is shattering the veil an act of bravery or cowardice, clarity or incompetence? What will come of the vacancy I leave in my stead, and of the people afflicted by its emptiness? So much pain, such little time, and far too many unknowns.

 

[CTB Dream]

this lif v awfl no psbl do any all d pain sffr this all trp all nonsns rly awfl lif rly awfl all

 

[Dark Moon]

Easter is coming in a couple of days and I will be on my own. I'm just numb I suppose.

 

[untraveler]

Unfairness and despair. Other people can have happy life, so many friends, good mood, excitement in life. And I can't! And I don't have any hope I would longterm.

And I don't mean fakeness on social media. I look at my irl friends, who are healthy. And I'm not. And it sucks for me. And it's no one's fault.

 

[deadeyesnowman]

Hopeless...

 

[Phhi49]

Nobody wants to hear, besides it wouldn't be allowed here anyway. Let's go with, not very happy.

 

[LookingFrPeace]

My insomnia is hitting me hard. Tried to do workout until exhaustion yet I still couldn't fall asleep despite being tired af. I keep overthinking about the past and all the ways I could've been better every time I lay in my bed. Now I'm scrolling through the internet in the middle of the night while slowly getting ill due to the lack of sleep, again.