Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[EvisceratedJester]

The subreddit for The Garden sucks. Some of the people on there are cool, but the subreddit is filled with annoying dumbasses. Then again, it's Reddit, so maybe I'm the real fool here.

 

[transLucyd]

i just wanted to be loved, i wanted her to hug me, i wanted to be her princess

 

[Seaghost]

It's one if the few moments once a year I want to cut myself but I'm a hero I won't do it. Someone could see it.
I'm scared visiting the grocery store, scared of the sun and the people. Sooo much information.
Regular I love spring but not the people who "come" with it. Everybody has to be lucky and penetrant AND loud.
It's been years I've been fighting to leave this big city but without money I'm stranded here.
Need to live in or near the woods so badly.

But for now I'm just lying in my bed, darkend the windows and don't wanna see no sun. This pressure to be happy is so intense.
Abd the clock just making it's unheard tic tac tic tac.
Fucking grocery store. Fucking world. You're making me drowning.

 

[catfriend]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[...]

 

[NoPoint2Life]

All I see lately is things that just increase my desire to not want to get older.

 

[GlassMoon]

Right now I feel ok. Had a headache and a feeling of low sugar earlier but both became better after lunch. Probably it was due to sleeping issues and me working too doggedly on something which I should have just done calmly. Lesson learned, I hope...

 

[x3la]

much to my dismay,
i woke up today

 

[Seaghost]

Orderd grocery stuff online for delivery.
I'm not proud of it. I just failed once more.

Than I dreamed from my ex girl. I was visiting her and her "new" boyfriend. They were living in a very big house and we made some landscape trips by car. In my idiotic dreamy mind I had hopes I coukd get her back. What a sad mess. Oh and in my dream this little "holidays" went for a few days and all was so hyperrealistic. I was so broken when I woke up.

Had a shower and wanted to cook but the plastic bag with freezed grounded beef had a leak and so it was getting soaked by water from a Bowl I had put it in. I just wanted to defrost it faster :/. Another fail by me.
So another "beautiful" day was gone and ended by delivery of A pizza service with money I sould safe.
Yes everything is so nice in this life. You are right Mr. Louis Armstrong...what a wonderful world.

 

[quietbird]

Scared. Terrified. Panicked emotional tremors that are the anxiety fueling all of my thoughts. I'm always on guard. It used to be more that I had effects of my hopeless depression. But now it is this seizing worry at all times. The anxiety also used to be able to ease when I was home, safe, tucked away. Not anymore.

 

[Manaaja]

I told someone "I wish my abuser couldn't harm or torture me in anyway anymore so I could just enjoy life" and they went all "Revenge is bad!!!!!!!!".

Made me want to kick their crotch and tell them "Don't say you want this kicking and pain to end! That's apparently"revenge" and "revenge is bad!" according to you".

 

[ilvgore]

i feel exhausted doing the yhings i was asked to do but its never fucking enough:D when will i be appreciated just for existing lol i try so hard, despite my anhedonia, depression i krep going. Just surviving but they don't see that

 

[GlassMoon]

Calm after a storm. Got very angry when somebody just ignored my request without even saying anything. Thought I would not be able to calm down. Sat on my chair swiveling left and right, listening to the soothing sound of the computer's fan and the chair. I feel calmer now. I hope there is no hidden tension which will keep me awake at night.

I think what got me to get so angry is that I have another person who when confronted with something just stopped responding and I got stuck with my anger. Also the person of today often does not do as I ask and I have to remind them of everything all the time. It's draining, frustrating and exhausting. "Please, just listen to what I say and fucking do it, thank you."

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

I wanted to send this to a friend today. We were trying to meet up, but I got too anxious. I couldn't. He asked me what I was feeling and I typed this but didn't send it. But I don't know. I feel like you guys might understand:

I feel like when I emerge from my libo into life, people will see how close to death I was or how broken i am or worse not see it at all still and think im still strong enough to try to be human now that they see me and will laugh the moment I fail.


Like I said I didn't go today. I feel like my roommates are having a kick at my anxiety attack I had even thinking about leaving the house while getting in the shower. Im so stupid to be so scared to go outside. But I feel like our bodies have become the filters and our phones are ourselves. And I feel like I am the only person seeing this. How everyone fakes being happy and satisfied but really everyone is miserable, but it's weird to say we're miserable because that's.... Honest. I don't know. Idk

 

[Seaghost]

It's late in germany, 3:15am.
At this moment everythimg is so quiet and calm - outside. Inside I am so upset. Don't know exactly why.
I want to sleep but at this silent moments from outside the house I want to be awake and enjoy the silence.
Hopefully you all had one if this kind of peace today.

Cheers to all of us. We can be proud to "survived" another day on this big ball with lots of shittiest situations.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

Its my mom's birthday. I dont know how to feel because I want to hangout with her. Tell her happy birthday. Wish her well. Give her a gift. Etc... but all my fucking life. My presents were met with hate and "ugh you shouldn't have wasted your money". And the led up for her birthday was always draining because shes one of the " birthday week" people before it was even a trend.

God but then I'd think about my birthdays and how they always felt like an afterthought. Or maybe it's just what I pictured in comparison to what she hyped to hers. Haha god forbid I was that happy about my birthdays as she was about hers. I don't know. It's just like. How long will it be before I want to punch her? 30-40 mins. 2 hours if we watch a movie as a buffer. Fucking hell. I know I'm part of the problem in the relationship, but that's the fucking problem. Im the only one admitting it. She'll never see anything she did raising us as wrong, and I think if your 15 year child ends up with a grown ass man 10 years older than her. You fucked up and you need to admit that.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

My anxiety is at an all time peak now. My sister told me my mom hasnt woken up today and she was out late last night. Whatever.

But goddamn i swear my family gives not one fuck about each other. She could be dead in the bed and my sister wouldn't know until she was rotting. Who's to care when I'm not there making sure everyone is breathing. I was the only one that cared to think, "this isn't normal is everything okay". My entire life. The way Id spam my mom's phone if she was an hour late for getting home. Looking back... Did she not think I needed therapy for that? Did she really think it was normal to have a kid always think that their parent was dead coming home from work an hour after being late?

No, she didn't think that because she never knew my thought process. She'd only come home to bitch that I'm being "overly dramatic and I need to stop". Why, the second always stop caring, something fucking happens. The second I let my guard down, I fucked up and should have never done it in the first place. I literally always need to be prepared to hear the worst. Everyday when I walk up from since I can remember. Maybe thats why I wanted to be 21. I thought that will all my hard work mentally would be over. I'd be able to die for myself. Fuck. I should have. I cant keep stressing over people that can't even give me an once of relief but I feel the second I fully "disown" them. The second I fully walk away, I'll be sitting at a funeral.

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm just tired since I only got a few hours sleep in and I have an emptiness feeling.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, mother. I'm sorry, michi. I'm sorry to all my friends and to everyone in here that has to put up with my bleeding heart.

I don't know what I'm sorry for exactly. Being myself, believing in love, in my dreams. I don't know anymore. Maybe I should've given up before. Maybe I should never have tried fighting so much for the love I never had, the dream my family was too poor to afford when I was a kid. I'm sorry for being Icarus, I'm sorry for being this sensitive, for loving this much, for expecting life to reward my efforts with happiness. Because I know, I was happy: but it never lasted, no matter what. And so...

Well, I'm sorry.

 

[_soulless_]

Anxious, agitated. Stuck in a state where I don't want to die but feel like I have to

 

[Izzythebelle]

i dont have it in me to scream anymore

 

[NeverHis]

Suicidal. Distressed. Lonely. Helpless. Unloved. Sick. Disabled.

 

[mikgazer6]

Annoyed. The past couple weeks I've been making an effort to be more truthful with my mom for the first time in 8 years. She called me mentally ill yesterday and today, assuming I was suicidal, threatened to kill herself should I kill myself. I knew she has always tried to control and manipulate me all my life but this is just crazy. Can't be bothered with this anymore. Time to start limiting contact I suppose.

 

[moonflow3r]

I'm disgusted I feel disgusTed by myself and the shit I've done I feel disgusted by the damage I've made to my family in my stupid attempt of trying to escape adulthood and my responsibilities. I cry but I don't feel real . I grieve over the lost chances and the memories I didn't make. I'm stuck on the past . I'm pathetic I'm pathetic and guess what everybody moves one everybody keeps going everybody keeps on living while I'm obsessing over the idea of killing my self to escape . Coward coward coward I'd sell my body or my soul to someone just to feel something. I'm full of shame

 

[leaf23]

Content creator: One of the best ideas I've ever heard is the idea that your future self has it aaalll figured out. It's just up to you to get there.

My inner monologue: Well is she dead? Future me's dead, right?? Coz I'm looking up methods to kms each day

 

[billie]

i'm a bad person and everyone is better off without me

 

[allmylife]

Empty, but still millions of thoughts in my chaotic brain. Just wish I could do more. Scared. So very sad.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

I am literally innthe hospital bed rn now waiting to be admitted. Waste of a fucking bed. Im helpless. But time to pretend until i leave. Fuck me for trying to het hel for a month so i didnt kill myself close to her birthday. Now I'm trapped

 

[Seaghost]

Fuckin humans. You always have to have compromises with them. Every corner of yourself has to be filed off. Corners are not allowed anymore. You have to be like everyone. Fuckin flat sharing.
If I just had a body without pain and Fatigue I would do the hermit life.

The wish of beeing free is so high at the moment. If I just could get my hands to Nembutal or Fentanyl these problem would have been already solved.

Sadness, Anger and Pressure are an beautiful mixture of life :/.
Why do we need to be punished over and over again??
Everything is punishment. To be you is punishment. Just to be is punishment.

I miss some of my childhood days just before starting to go to Kindergarten. The days with my grand parents were lovely.
Then since Kindergarten the horrorshow started to grow.

I think I need another try to end this life.
It's so sad. I'am sad.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

How happy I am that humans, but more specifically Americans, are finally facing the reckoning they have 100% earned and deserve.

 

[sukiduki]

kinda sad knowing that i'll die without getting the things i want most in life. but that's how it goes. i wonder if i'll feel sad or empty or happy when ctb day comes.