I'm in a pretty pissy mood right now. I'm already starting to grow tired of being in my mom's country and I have to stay here for another two weeks. My mom is also starting to get on my nerves a bit. She'll say things in a rude or aggressive manner and get mad at me for not responding in a polite manner, despite the fact that I only respond that way due to how rude she's being. She also wants to help me learn to socialize by forcing me into talking to others, which is ruining the progress I was making prior. She seems to think that forcing me to socialize, rather than just allowing me to take the time I need to slowly adjust to talking with others and allowing me to explore how to deal with this issue and learn how to best approach it, is a logical response to my issue. All she's done so far is cause me to regress more.
To add insult to injury, she keeps on trying to get me to open up to her. This doesn't sound so bad at first, until you realize that she is part of the reason why I have issues with opening up. If she didn't want me to end up like this then she should have been a more gentle parent who took the time to actually listen to me and try to be understanding and empathetic towards me growing up. Instead, she parented me in the typical "parent = authoritarian" manner. I never felt like I was allowed to openly express myself around her and I couldn't communicate my feelings to her excuse she never gave me the chance to do so. Hell, in grade 3 I stopped doing my homework because having her help me with it would stress me out so much that I decided that I didn't want to bother with it. Of course, when she eventually found out she immediately assumed that it must have been because I was lazy and wanted to watch tv because it's never been about why I actually do the things I do. It's always been about her and what she assumes are my motives. To have her, the same person who threatened to kick me out one night out of nowhere back when I was in elementary school, now play the "concerned parent" is getting on my nerves. She only cares now because I'm an adult and thus, in her eyes, I'm a human (at least to some degree). I find it insulting.
I know that she is doing all of this because she cares about me but I wish that she'd just let me relax for now and let me work on this when we get back. She seems to believe that she can fix me, but she can't. She doesn't know me as well as she think she does. She is trying to tackle this issue without taking into consideration what might work best for me. I'm just really tired right now. I love my mom, but she can be frustrating at times.
So far, I don't think I plan on ever coming to this country again (unless if WWIII breaks out, lol). There are nice aspects to it, but over all I'm not a huge fan of it. I prefer my home country, despite its many flaws.
