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DiscussionWhat are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.
Thread starterRose Mirren
Start date
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Sad, pained, drained, empty, lost, lonely, alone, mixed up, emotionally screwed up, physically- lots of pain right now, anxious- don't want to sleep but gotta get some rest at some point....
Reactions:
Bigpink, livefreeorpeace, _Minsk and 3 others
I feel like I'm the biggest piece of shit. I'm trash and I shouldn't even exist or breathe the same air as people. I'm lonely because of the mistakes I've made and I'm being punished and I'm punishing myself. I want to die because I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't fit in anywhere. Just like my name iamhopeless. People don't get me and I don't blame them. I've been through a lot of trauma and instead of being nice I turned into a monster. I am working on becoming a better person, but it doesn't matter. I hope that when I take the SN the 2nd week of next month I will die. Sorry that this is long-winded. No more pain.
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virginiawoolf86, Bigpink, livefreeorpeace and 3 others
Guilty. I'm home with family for Christmas and all I can think about is how I'm planning to kill myself in a couple weeks. I don't want to hurt them but I also feel like I don't owe them anything and I should be allowed to ctb if I want. Massive cognitive dissonance.
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virginiawoolf86, GoneGirl, livefreeorpeace and 3 others
Like I've wasted my life so far and there's nothing i can do to fix it....or if something feels like it's starting to fix itself it'll just be an avalanche of bad luck after.
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livefreeorpeace, _Minsk, LivedTooLong and 1 other person
I am wandering aimlessly through many fantasies. Some about things that never really were ... others about things that never really can be.
I am lost between calm of things that are unreal and the angst of truth.
I no longer see my face when i look in the mirror but I observe my body ... because it doesnt watch me back.
I am lost between lies and truths both told and heard.
I am engulfed in emotion or numb to all and my heart burns.
Reactions:
livefreeorpeace, _Minsk and LivedTooLong
Been eating till I get sick lately. I don't care that much and it helps pass the time until I can ctb. I never leave the house anyway and I'm already disgusting so why bother putting all that effort into resisting the urge to stuff my ugly face.
I'm in excruciating pain and I've no clue why. My legs hurt, my head hurts, just everything hurts. I also feel exhausted mentally. Every ounce of motivation I once had has gone down the drain and has been washed away along with my caring for the world. My dysphoria has been at its all high, and so has my little caring for this world. So at the moment, I feel sick of everything.
So I'm feeling empty once more. I should not trust human beeings.
Tryied to believe - didn't work. Stayed calm - waiting - didn't work.
Show endurance - didn't work. Hopelessness - it's working.
Not giving your heart to a beloved person - it's working.
And the most important - DON'T try to help. It falls back on you...in the size of Ayers Rock.
Merry christmas.
Reactions:
livefreeorpeace, MindFog and Miss_Takes
I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm hungry (like starving) but I can't bring myself to eat. I'm lonely, but refuse to keep company. Most seem to take their debt in stride, or push it out of their mind, mine is crushing me (physically, mentally, and emotionally) I need a conversation, badly, but I only get people coming to me with that need (that expectation), without reciprocation. I'm tired of being pariah, scapegoat, and an emotional dumpster, who's only purposes is to take the pain from others. I pray I'll be forgiven my sins, but prepare for the inevitability that I won't. And I've suffered, in silence, until today.
Feeling empty , sad , hopeless (about everything) and generally very lonely.
Being single , yet again , at Christmas time is proving very difficult to cope with too.
Utterly hopeless. Everything is bad and nothing is going to change at this point. Death is the only actual solution, but I probably don't have the guts to do even that.
I am in distress and they accused me of acting. I'm not an actress. Nobody is paying me to act and I am not a heavy drinker as they want people to believe.
They are guilty of doing the things they've accused me of. They are masters of projection.
I'm thankful for this site where I can read posts and I can post anytime.
I'm thankful for the few watching this happen to me but can't do anything but send me love.
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