Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Manaaja]

If they have never been, never will and never would be sad about me, why would I be sad about them?

People need to do something about the massive care for someone after their death but little care before.

To me it feels like some ape group alpha bullshit.

Sheep gorillas: Hey alpha! She needs our help!
Alpha gorilla: I hate her and forbid it!
Sheep gorillas: Okay, we won't help her! Oh, she's dead!
Alpha gorilla: Ah, well then I won't hate her anymore, since she no longer exists, I won't care what happens! You can do what you want!
Sheep gorillas: Here is all the love, help, care and respect for you! Sorry, we couldn't give it to you when you were alive, but alpha gorilla forbidded it!

 

[Dejected 55]

So much. It is sort of snowing outside. Not a lot... I played in snow when I was a kid. I used to like that when it snowed. I'm an adult now, though... have been for decades... can't play in the snow anymore. But I can't be an adult either. I don't get to be happy anymore. I don't get to enjoy anything. I don't get to have a life and a partner to share and grow and experience with. Sometimes I want to cry so badly... sometimes I don't even have the energy to cry because I am so exhausted from trying to barely exist in this world. I want so so much to be gone.

 

[green eyes]

I don't really know, I'd say a bit melancholic and very pensive right now. I'm not happy and I feel bored and exhausted from existing, it's all so tedious. I'm feeling lazy. If I weren't feeling lazy, I'd love to make myself some tea. It's one of the few things that manages to give me a little joy. I'm addicted to drinking tea, its flavor is so delicious.

 

[Bowerbird]

i always want you when i'm finally fine

 

[kiki123]

despair

 

[itsgone2]

I know what i need to do. I have access to guns and I know I'm fortunate. When I think of going to the store, taking lessons at the range, buying the gun, I don't feel well. Weak. My arms start to hurt. So much SI. So much inherent weakness. But I need to do this in order to carry out this plan.

 

[a65b]

really frustrated because im struggling with learning a tough song on the guitar

 

[dead dav]

Confused and weary just wish I could be dead

 

[YouLookSoCool]

Hungover, tied and just bingeing on all the food I can find in my house… doesn't matter though, I will purge in a little while and all will be ok and I'll go back to bed where my husband sleeps, and will be none the wiser.

 

[Manaaja]

People: "Love is good! We should all love each other! Only in love can people heal and grow!"

Person: "I love two people out of 8 billion people! That's 0.000000000025% of the planet's people!"

People: "You cheater! How dare you treat your partner like that, you non-monogamist? You are only allowed to love one person!"

Have to love everyone but can't love more than one, huh.

 

[whatisaholemadeof]

I feel stupid and used because I don't know how to communicate my feelings, it was always unsafe to do so and I always shut down and now I always destroy my professional, platonic, familial relationships because of it

 

[Dejected 55]

I am so tired of searching for words to describe my despair. I shouldn't have to keep doing it. I shouldn't want to keep doing it. Also, there are lots of things I wish I could say, conversations I wish I could have, but society does not allow men to have certain conversations openly without harsh rebuke. I don't belong anywhere, but I've been unable to leave here. Why can't I die in my sleep and be done?

 

[5er50ji]

Recently started taking antidepressants again. I feel numb and keep having weird vivid nightmares. I don't feel real sometimes

 

[Unlucky777]

The ONLY thing that feels good anymore is fantasizing about dying. Nothing else in this world feels good anymore.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Wanting to feel drunk and slurrious already. Oh, and dying for sure too. I am a husk and a poser. Hate myself.

 

[MonochromeMind]

My stomach hurts, I'm tired, anxious, going through the motions, overthinking, weak, heavy, isolated, all growing strong and adding to each other on a day I wish I was happier and more eager to draw and enjoy myself. All I can focus on is my body pains and my dread. It won't go away, no matter how much I try to distract myself. There's no point to any of this.

 

[kitkat9234]

I wish someone would put me out of my misery already.

 

[Dejected 55]

I would say I'm on autopilot, because it feels like it sometimes... but in reality, I am fully aware and in control of my actions... it's just, I don't want to be the pilot. Me being the pilot doesn't take me anywhere. I have maps, but the routes and destinations keep changing and sometimes disappearing altogether. Sometimes the place I was just at is obliterated and I can't even go back or stop for a minute to catch my breath. I have been nowhere, I am nowhere, and I am headed nowhere fast. It's a slog, but it flies by at the same time. I can fully steer, but no matter how I adjust or react, I am wrong and I don't get where I want to go ever, I usually don't get to a place I can tolerate, and I'm never anywhere that is safe. It's all just a horror show all the time, no pauses or respite. You go as hard and as fast as you can just to stay in the same place, where you already know you don't want to be anyway. What is the point in any of it?

 

[alstroemeria55]

Sick. Disgusting. Irrelevant. Irritated. My existence is a waste and I have no future to look forward to, nobody to miss me when I'm gone.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i wish i was better at being social and i wish people remembered me more

 

[Manaaja]

How lucky.......

 

[violetforever]

i wish i was better at being social and i wish people remembered me more

me too .-. today my teacher took attendance and forgot me so i had to come up to him after class to make sure he put me down. i'll be too sad to accept that he really forgot about me and that i'm unnoticeable. i get to class on time everyday, i'm (probably overly) attentive in class and i always try to do above and beyond for my schoolwork which i also turn in on time or early. maybe i'm just too quiet or unwelcoming idk.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

me too .-. today my teacher took attendance and forgot me so i had to come up to him after class to make sure he put me down. i'll be too sad to accept that he really forgot about me and that i'm unnoticeable. i get to class on time everyday, i'm (probably overly) attentive in class and i always try to do above and beyond for my schoolwork which i also turn in on time or early. maybe i'm just too quiet or unwelcoming idk.

it feels so sad when people who is familiar still forget me, i hate it. im sorry it happened in your class too.

 

[Dejected 55]

New day same despair. I could wax poetically, but I'll leave it there for today.

 

[violetforever]

even when my father would beat my mother in front of me he did not mean to cause as much intentional suffering to my life as you did.

 

[suudo]

Tired. So, so tired. Not bad, just... exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and I can't remember the last time I wasn't.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Better than yesterday. But what does that even mean. A lighter shade of darkness.

 

[iloveyouihateyou]

lonely

 

[Unlucky777]

I'm having difficulty working now because my benzocaine is arriving today and I am trying to muster up the courage to make my next (and hopefully FINAL attempt at CTB).

All I can think about is my last and final breath. One way that I overcame my SI last time was drinking a 6 pack of beer. May have to do the same thing again if I can't work up the courage because liquor for me makes me not give a fuck and that is how I made my last attempt. Wish me luck

 

[corpse]

Why does it always happen to me, and especially in such a short time? I just want to be left alone by men.