Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Promised Heaven]

Touch starved to the point if someone gently carasses my jaw I would pass out from shock.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

uncertain, worthless, disgusted, disturbed, hollow, speechless.

 

[dogthebenzohunter]

I feel empty and hollow inside but also full of rage. Rage at myself for feeling so low. I often fantasize about getting hit by a car. My new job I took which was meant to be a step below its causing me more stress. No one talks to me at work just have to deal with bullshit customers calling all day to complain. This week I think I am gonna snap

 

[enduringwinter]

These days I feel like I am nearing the end of my life. There just is nothing more

 

[razorblade_sky]

Forced myself to go outside and play in a social tennis session earlier. Enjoyed it but it was a brief respite. I hate when it ends, and I get in my car and return home alone. Tired of the loneliness. Not sure about the rest of you without partners, but I seem to see couples everywhere! Feel like such a worthless failure, haven't had a relationship for 18 years now.

Worried I'll be made redundant soon. Last week I did 30 minutes of "work" the entire week. I feel guilty as it feels I'm not earning my salary. My bosses are supposedly happy with my performance, but I feel like such a fraud. Surely, they realise how little I do. Maybe redundancy would be ideal as it will force my hand to have another attempt, I wouldn't want to look for another job.

I currently work from home, have two bosses who tell me on a Monday what needs to be done by Friday and leave me to it. I have no colleagues or clients I deal with. Quite lonely and isolated but ideal for social anxiety, I guess. I don't think I'd be able to find another job like this, I've had this work setup for such a long time. I wouldn't want to go for interviews or work in an office setting ever again. Just thinking of my old open plan office makes me feel ill.

I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle. "Work", tennis, gym, sit in bedroom alone. "Work", tennis, gym, sit in bedroom alone. Only do tennis and gym to try and distract from the loneliness. Took them up after my failed attempt to try and work on my social anxiety and perhaps make friends or find a partner, neither of which has happened. Hey, look at me outside, doing normal people things.

The only person I talk to aside from my bosses on a Monday is my counsellor on Tuesday's. Not looking forward to seeing her this week as each session has started to feel the same. I don't think there will be any answers or solutions to be found here.

Had a couple of heart palpitations earlier which has raised my anxiety, I hope I don't start getting them regularly again. I don't want to live this way for the next 30/40 years, I feel like something will give soon.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Recovering from a weed high, took a really good nap that ate up my evening, but I also expected it. I never felt so good since last night. I felt loved and belonged despite being alone. I'm sad it's over, but I'm okay knowing I can do it all over again, I got a large pack. My disorientation is numbing itself so my clarity is kinda returning?

It helps with feeling suicidial, a lot. Though I use it a little less than in moderation and carefully watch myself to avoid dependency, such as what I'm feeling now.

I'm in control, and I'm okay.

 

[-Link-]

zLeee;;,&8Y[[[[hyau'''@P!DssfffffH9Da4oX

ugggggh tiredness
hello, mental energy? wru

 

[AngelTears]

I'm old. I hurt. I feel pain most of the time. I am both useful and useless. Like a tool, I only get picked up when someone needs me, then put back in a drawer for who knows, who cares how long. I don't understand sometimes why is it that things have to be so complicated, why I allow myself to be treated this way. I feel naive and dumb sometimes. I know I need to distance myself from some, but I rationalize being alone is a far worse punishment than bring in bad company. I guess my fear of being alone has brought me many problems I still deal with and will still be dealing with in the future.

I wish I could understand myself better. I wish I didn't hate myself so much or expect that everyone I meet will be good to me, when I have been proven wrong so very many times. I complain and complain and ask for guidance, forgiveness, comprehension and more than anything, to be loved. All I can feel around me is hate, maybe it's all I can see now because it's all I've felt.

I don't know what to do anymore. Everything I try just blows up in my face eventually. I wish I knew what steps to take for betterment that could actually work, but nothing works for me, or at least I am thoroughly convinced it won't because most things haven't.

I can't see myself in a good place, I can't see a good future being this lifeless husk. Wanting to both be my better self and just reach the end at the same time. I can't both win the race and spectate. Walk without moving.

Sometimes I wonder if this is really it. If I'm really THIS stuck in this disgusting loop. I HATE myself and almost everyone around me. I have few things I can actually value.

I am used, too much, whenever it's convenient to whomever needs it at the moment.

I don't want this anymore...

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

Relatively decent, tiredness is starting to kick in. A little troubled
I finally got around to doing something with the friend that's been tryna get me on for months or more. I'm just wondering why I struggle so much with it generally, thinking about my avoidant nature and what connects and if there is anything I can do to improve it. It's just not something I've been able to manage, because I can't choose what I keep interested in to begin with and what activities I want to do, to some degree

 

[kiiiiii7a]

Well 1 word idk I just don't know anymore okay my family and other staff definitely got better but damn this fucking feeling is back it's like I have the energy to do shit physically but I'm just sooooooooo mentaly tired idk what tf is wrong with me and I can't even just be so carefree about life because lot of shit is happening and it's not a fucking lesson for me idk it just the fucking reality check hits so hard I thought I was getting better but no people around me is just so negative I wanna die so bad but now that I made some friends it's hard for me to do so I don't want to make thrm sad idkkkkkki feel like I should just stay at that state when I'm actually all alone nobone is scared of loosing me ... idk idk every single day I think about it idkkk and I'm doing fucking shit academic idk I'm just fucked


Sory for my grammar I have no respect for this language so please don't correctly me ty

 

[Ferdinand Bardamu]

Apathetic. I feel as if I am simply not intelligent enough to engage with the things that I find interesting. I wasted most of my childhood, and teenage years. I skipped school as a preteen, and, as a teenager, although I did quite well in school when I showed up, and got pretty good GCSE grades, I never spoke to anyone; I was alone, having no friends. Further, I had no hobbies. I literally just jerked off and played vidya. Meanwhile everyone else was dating, and hanging out with friends. I was the outsider, looking through the window at everyone having fun.
Now, as I try and develop valuable hobbies, I am overcome by the feeling that I am simply not cut out for it.
God, just kill me.

 

[CTB Dream]

V awfl life, all day pain sffr no end, alws dtriort

 

[JessIsAlive]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

i feel strained and desperate i feel like a dead branch who wants to be snapped in half
theres no hope left

 

[standingfast]

Invisible and alone. Frustration too: trying to get out and I am struggling to find a successful way out. I feel incompetent in life and every task I do. I am a mistake. I can't even get out I am so useless.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Upset at myself. I have one free day to finally work on my projects but I'm dissociated, disoriented, can't read paragraphs without slowing to a snail's pace, and despite sleeping 12 hours and on a ton of caffeine and a little under 6000 IU of Vitamin D, I have no energy and want to hug and cuddle someone.

Might take a second shower to recover from dissociation but it's been going on since May and it's ruining me.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So tired... Yet again. I want to sleep but I did sleep in today. Recovering from the weekend of little sleep.

 

[mikuhappy]

I need to die

 

[TakeMeToHeaven]

Feel full after eating

 

[standingfast]

I just want to go like right now, maybe tonight

 

[Promised Heaven]

I got my hanging plan all set, I feel at peace. Haven't tested it, don't want to accidentally CTB, but it's firm and discrete. I actually use it to hang my work bag, which I'm going to work tomorrow for the first time in almost three weeks. If anything requires me to go out, all I need to do is remove the bag, grab a stool from another room, and let go.

I can just leave, whenever I want. I have little urges to, but I'm alright with dying. I still have a life to live, however. Can't die while my rhythm game cards are being shipped...

My disorientation is mostly gone after hours of stretching and painkillers, but now I've wasted a day. I'm still numb. I want to feel emotions besides "Okay with dying".

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel so scared and terrified. I feel like I'm paralysed and full of panic attacks. I already vented about it on SS but it's still on my mind and I can't deal with it. The issue with life is that it's an uphill battle where things will get harder and harder the more we progress in life. Normies are somehow able to adapt and tackle any difficult at any level but I feel like I met my match. I don't have a desire to do anything in life and I just want to be lazy. I've managed to be lazy so far with little to no consequences but I know that it ends here. I either have to suffer by putting in effort or I have to suffer by dealing with the consequences of not putting in effort. Either way, it's a lose lose situation for me.

I hate being a human. It's so unfair that I'm forced to do things that I don't want to do. I also hate pro lifers as they think that I'm exactly like them and that I have passions in life or that I can do well if I try hard enough. I genuinely don't understand why normies don't acknowledge that some people really aren't meant for life and that, no matter how much they try, they'll always fail as their best simply isn't enough. Why can't people acknowledge that? Some of us either aren't meant for life or don't want to live through life. I'm both.

Ugh, I envy housecats so much. They don't have to deal with all of this. They just get to relax and be a neet for as long as they want. In addition to that, cats also sleep for around 18 hours in a day whereas humans only sleep for 8 hours in a day. It's so unfair that I'm awake for more than twice as long as a cat. I've said it before and I'll say it again: being a human really is the worst curse that I can get barring immortality. I'm just so incompatible with being a human yet society forces me to stay alive anyway. It's gross and revolting

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Overwhelmed.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I love my bf a lot but I don't like the fact that he wants me to video call him every day now. I love him, but I find video calling to be draining and the risk of my mom finding out about him only worsens it. To add to this, he always wants me to do certain things for him, like take out my dildo and use it on myself. I understand wanting that occasionally, but he asks for it repeatedly every time. It also takes me having to tell him "no" on repeat for him to back off whenever it comes to anything sexual. I find having to repeatedly perform sexual acts to also be really tiring.

Don't get me wrong, he is very nice to me. He does worry about my well-being quite a bit, it just that he becomes so insistent on certain things sometimes that it becomes irritating. He will sometimes tell me that I'm allowed to day no, but when I say no to something I don't want to do he will still insist on me doing it. If not in the moment than sometimes later. It's just frustrating.

Edit: For reference, I'm 21 but my I still live with my mom and my parents tend to shelter me quite a bit. They wouldn't approve of my relationship with him and would likely make me cut him out of my life.

I wish I was dead. I hate being alive. I wish I was never born.

 

[enough of this]

Sadness about being alone in this insane world.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Full of energy, mentally exhausted. Not tired, but can't get myself to do anything. I'm ashamed of myself. I just want to sleep, but can't. I'm not struggling, but also just wanting to die so I can get this over with.

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

i feel the same way i did when i first got here - like nothing i say here will ever matter. i'm still me, you're still you, they're still them - yet none of us will ever know each other like we know ourselves and that hurts. i can't take anything with me and i won't leave anything behind when i go - but pain. i don't want to say goodbye but at this point its all i can say - life could've been so much more if only..........and this is where i end.

 

[fleetingnight]

I told myself that when I came back, I wouldn't post about myself immediately, and would focus on interacting with others more, since I've been mostly offline for a while.
I shouldn't be surprised, I already know I'm self-serving and self-centered.

I don't want to die. Not right now. Sometimes I'm unsure how I feel, but not now. I don't want to die now. I don't even want a good life anymore, I just want to live in a way that's bearable. I just want to live. I haven't in a long time. I don't want a nice home, just a shitty, tiny, apartment. Shitty, but my own private space, mine. I don't want a good job, just one that's not physically painful. I don't want a lot of free time, just a few days a week of true free time, not time off work that gets all spent on housekeeping. I don't think I'm asking a lot. I keep daydreaming about this bare minimum life, and trying to reach it, but even affording half of monthly rent is a pipe dream, and I know it.

I've said all this before probably a hundred times. I can complain all day and night about things being unfair. It's not like it amounts to anything. No amount of crying, "I don't deserve this," or, "you don't deserve this" will make God or anyone appear out of thin air and alleviate our pain. So I don't know what I'm hoping for. I'm no different from a little kid crying when their teacher tells them they can't be a princess when they grow up. It's no different, a dream with no leg to stand on, but I keep torturing myself for it anyways.

I rarely wish death upon others, but right now, I almost wish a meteor would wipe the planet out. Not out of hatred for humanity, but out of mercy. The only thing more unbearable than suffering and being powerless to change it is watching others suffer, and still being powerless to change that.

 

[carac]

feeling old and robbed of life

 

[Space Outlaw Bunny]

I'm feeling like a terrible person and an attention whore for bringing myself to needed type this

 

[standingfast]

That I am disgusted that I was born into this world today. It is a day to mourn, not celebrate.