Ways to persuade myself into CTB

[twilightSparriw]

I wonder if anyone recognizes that… listing people, preferably beloved artists, actors and musicians who took their lives… keeping pictures of them on my screen… just to persuade myself to come closer to the void… to create a welcoming atmosphere almost… to have the courage… not be so scared…

 

[deadbidaylight]

Thinking about my favourite musician that passed sometimes pulls me closer to CTB because even after all these years, the despair and deep sadness I feel of his passing just gets too unbearable. But I find blasting his music and singing along and a lot of times crying to it seems to somehow heal me temporarily. I don't know how to explain it, but it works for me.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

I constantly shut the "keep living, keep trying" voice in my head by remembering the reasons I have to ctb. All these years of being depressed, the fact my happy moments in life haven't lasted for more than a year while the bad times have lasted much longer, all the pain my ex caused me, her telling me of her future plans, her kissing with that asshole mere days after breaking up with me, all the hurt I'm carrying with me, all the disappointment, the idea that it won't improve because it didn't improve in these past 9 years.

That last one may be the most powerful persuasion tool I got: it didn't improve enough in 9 years, you're already fucking tired, do you want 9 years more of the same?

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

Well I was raised by a pack of humans in which they taught me that there was value in continued life, so whenever I feel a desire to stop living there is a sort of little voice in the back of my head that tries to coax me back into that way of thinking, and I have found that surrounding myself with death and anything related to it usually helps to reset that Pro-Life programming and begin to normalize the idea of dying, by making it seem so nonchalant. so yeah learning about the deaths of famous people has helped me in that way, because we all place bigger than life figures on pedestals in our minds, so when we hear of them having the same issues as us, it makes you feel less alone in your suffering, makes you feel like you can relate to people that you usually can't.

 

[twilightSparriw]

I constantly shut the "keep living, keep trying" voice in my head by remembering the reasons I have to ctb. All these years of being depressed, the fact my happy moments in life haven't lasted for more than a year while the bad times have lasted much longer, all the pain my ex caused me, her telling me of her future plans, her kissing with that asshole mere days after breaking up with me, all the hurt I'm carrying with me, all the disappointment, the idea that it won't improve because it didn't improve in these past 9 years.

That last one may be the most powerful persuasion tool I got: it didn't improve enough in 9 years, you're already fucking tired, do you want 9 years more of the same?

9 years… that's a long time not feeling well… it's amazing how hard we keep trying don't you think? If people only knew… i'm trying the 'be the best you can for… anything'- route' lately… animal welfare, being that One good listener, little community service thingies… my life seems so utterly complete when you look at it from a distance… always tried compensating materially but the internal damage is hard to build a life around…

 

[honestmind]

I just remind myself of my insignificance and think of it like putting down a dog who doesn't really have a chance at a good life. When I zoom out in my mind and picture the earth, I'm nothing more than one of so many little ants running around and there's nothing that special about dying from suicide. People die all the time and this is just another way- same as a car crash, old age, or cancer. Something that's kinda comforting is that I'll just be one of about 50,000 people dying that day. When I try to make it more sentimental, I think I'm seeing myself more important than I really am. I just want to be done with this life, no need to attach too many feelings about my existence lol.

 

[twilightSparriw]

That's actually a well written motivation. Thank you! I guess i'm the sentimental type of person…

 

[Boots2Scoots]

I wonder if anyone recognizes that… listing people, preferably beloved artists, actors and musicians who took their lives… keeping pictures of them on my screen… just to persuade myself to come closer to the void… to create a welcoming atmosphere almost… to have the courage… not be so scared…

I do all the time. Gives me comfort in knowing I'd pass at the same age as Bradley Knowel. And made it just 1 year past Hendrix. Makes me realize, I'm going to be missing out on a lot less than I think.

 

[rs929]

I constantly shut the "keep living, keep trying" voice in my head by remembering the reasons I have to ctb. All these years of being depressed, the fact my happy moments in life haven't lasted for more than a year while the bad times have lasted much longer, all the pain my ex caused me, her telling me of her future plans, her kissing with that asshole mere days after breaking up with me, all the hurt I'm carrying with me, all the disappointment, the idea that it won't improve because it didn't improve in these past 9 years.

That last one may be the most powerful persuasion tool I got: it didn't improve enough in 9 years, you're already fucking tired, do you want 9 years more of the same?

Is it guaranteed that the next 9 years suck though?
I have a similar feeling as I have recurrent depression. Eventually they end, just to come back later. I'll probably have episodes the rest of my life, but I can't be certain. Maybe they become more manageable as well