Want it so bad

[darkenmydoorstep]

I want it so bad, so very badly but I'm so scared of messing it up and ending up staying but not just staying as I am now but staying in a way I am under surveillance, physically fucked over, have more problems. It's so hard to find a 100% fool proof way that is without pain. I wish I knew.
Most days I cry. Even when it's a 'good day' it doesn't mean good in most people's sense of the word. Just a bit less bad.

If I could order some N on the internet I would, but where to even begin to test the purity. I give zero fucks about going to jail/fined since I don't value my money/time anyway. I'd be so cautious about trying stuff without reassurance it was what it was supposed to be since I know drugs get cut with all sorts of shit. Wouldn't want to end up in a worse situation.

Feels like there was 'suicide golden age' and I missed it. All those people able to have peaceful deaths in cars or with oven fumes or going to Mexico and getting some
N. I'm jealous as hell.

Even in America you can probably get a gun and blow your brains out, would be instant. Here in the UK, it's a mess. There's no choice apart from risking doing all sorts of mad shit to yourself in the process.

What to do except moan to a shed load of strangers, eh?

 

[FuneralCry]

I also feel trapped here because of how inaccessible and risky suicide is, I hate how suicide isn't accepted as a valid option. It's horrifying how we cannot just choose to easily die in peace, allowing the option of a guaranteed, painless way to die would prevent so much unnecessary suffering, it'd be so relieving.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

The whole genre (if that's the right word) just needs an entire rebrand. If only some suicidal mega marketing guru could get behind it before he ctb. Find some way of making it more palatable to sell to a public as a life choice as they're so conditioned with the usual bullshit.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

The whole genre (if that's the right word) just needs an entire rebrand. If only some suicidal mega marketing guru could get behind it before he ctb. Find some way of making it more palatable to sell to a public as a life choice as they're so conditioned with the usual bullshit.

You've got to make it more palatable in your own mind first. SI is the biggest obstacle to ctb, not the method. If you dedicate your mind to understanding the factors that anchor you to this existence, you will stand a better chance of breaking free… there is too much focus on methods, rather than mentality on this forum. This life is a harmful addiction, and most people don't even realise they are in the grip of this toxic cycle of addiction.