Venting Waiting to die

[DeathSleep]

I feel like I live a bit of a double life with pretending I'm ok and trying to ctb. Others expect me to do and want the normal things that people who want to live do and want . I struggle to do them. It's exhausting. But I don't want to be sent to the hospital. So, I try to do what I have to so that people don't suspect I'm suicidal.
I wish I could ctb soon but my situation makes it difficult right now. So, I have to wait. I wish in could just die in my sleep.
Life seems so overwhelming sometimes. It takes so much effort just to live. I'm not doing very good at it since I lost my will to live. I struggle to put effort into things that don't seem to really matter anyways. I'm just going through the motions.
Just waiting to die. Wish it were easier.

 

[Doombox]

I'm in the same boat. I can't be honest with anyone because it wouldn't be fair to them and it could land me in the hospital. So I pretend.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly for the best to pretend as hospitals just sound like horrific places to me that really are best avoided, I hate how we exist in a world where suicide isn't seen as the valid option that it really is and where suicidal people are cruelly punished simply for wanting to die. But it's certainly understandable just wishing to fall asleep forever, it really should be easier to leave, I wish that in this world there's acceptance towards the fact that not everyone wants to delay the inevitable and endure this process of slowly dying.