livingdeadgrl
Member
- Jan 23, 2023
- 24
I was just laying in my bed all day long and got this really terrible headache, and suddenly started to feel nausea, and even medications don't heal this symptons, then i realize the last time I eat was like 10 hours ago or something, I don't really know, and that's probably the reason I'm feeling like this bad, and this is a cycle that's keep repeating for days and, yes, I forget almost everytime. It's annoying because I don't feel like eating since I'm nauseous, but I want to stop the headache, but it won't stop until I eat, but I don't want to eat because I'm feeling sick, and I don't really want to leave my bed to do anything because nothing gives me pleasure, even eat, that's something that used to, but now I only do because I have to, and when I remember to. Besides, this situation made me think I don't remember the sensation of have the motivation to do something, start a project, really feel pleasure about anything??? I mean, I do things because I have to, because there's a voice in my brain saying that's what "normal" people should do, and I keep avoiding till I can't anymore, not because I actually feel the need to.
This hole vortex of thoughts is so fucked up and I don't know how to get out of it, I just don't feel like a person anymore, that have desires, interests, motivation, you know, that hole package of characteristics that make every human being unique. I panic when I have to talk to someone (which is rare), because I don't remember the personality I used to have and how can I "naturally" say phrases that sounds like I'm like everybody else and have plans for the future or I saw the last news that everyone is talking about or have fun in the past weeks. I just feel more and more disconnected from the world and like a vegetal and I know that's awful to say, but it's true, all I do is avoid having to do things because I don't want to. I don't want to get better. I don't even feel the urgency to CTB. I'm just a dumb NPC.
Whatever, thank you for reading my caotic thoughts, is there anyone who can relate to this?
This hole vortex of thoughts is so fucked up and I don't know how to get out of it, I just don't feel like a person anymore, that have desires, interests, motivation, you know, that hole package of characteristics that make every human being unique. I panic when I have to talk to someone (which is rare), because I don't remember the personality I used to have and how can I "naturally" say phrases that sounds like I'm like everybody else and have plans for the future or I saw the last news that everyone is talking about or have fun in the past weeks. I just feel more and more disconnected from the world and like a vegetal and I know that's awful to say, but it's true, all I do is avoid having to do things because I don't want to. I don't want to get better. I don't even feel the urgency to CTB. I'm just a dumb NPC.
Whatever, thank you for reading my caotic thoughts, is there anyone who can relate to this?
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