Help What if I’m making this decision too young

[Voidcat]

As my life goes on and I keep steadily losing hope I've now (nearly) come to the conclusion that I want to CTB. Every day is like climbing Mount Everest. I have no direction, I don't care anymore and I'm done trying. My mental state is declining and I don't see it getting better.

However..

The one thing that still makes me hesitate is a lot of my life is still ahead, I'm still young. (And yes, I'm old enough to be on this site just still pretty young) People have found goodness in their life after inconceivable lows, and even though this seems pretty much impossible to me at this point, there's still this one thing keeping me from following through. I can't decide if I should let it go now and end my pain or just keep going and see what happens. I'm scared of continuing because I don't know if things will get worse and the way I feel now will be even more crushing. But you never know, I could miraculously sort out my degrading mental state and put something together. Being on the fence is hard, I wish I could just decide already.

I know this might seem childish or a strange thing to get hung up on but it's been eating away at me. I can't talk about it with my loved ones because they already don't leave me alone because they know I'm about to leave them. So this is really the only place I could turn.

 

[chester]

One of the most convenient things about suicide is that you can always do it later. If you're in doubt, then it means it's definitely not the moment for you. It's something you need to be sure about. Until then, maybe things will happen in your life which would drive you away from thinking about suicide. Don't pressure yourself into making the decision, take your time.

 

[EternalDreams]

Honestly I was stuck as well with the thought of just ending it or keep going to see what happens, I've been staying alive pretty much in case something good happens but yeah it's still hard though. Hugs.

 

[PetrichorBirth]

i agree with chester. If you're on the fence, you're not ready.

To directly answer your question : If you CTB while you're young, and the future would have brought better times to you, then you just don't experience these better times. The dead you won't care about that.

But considering that you're entertaining the thought of miraculously sorting out your degrading mental state, that means there's probably still a lot to get out of your current situation.

 

[uglyugly]

A lot can change in a lifetime. I think back to all the things I would have missed had I ended my life early on. For example, had ctb before age 40, I would have missed out on the 5 happiest years of my life. I truly was in bliss for those years. Now I spend every day wanting to go back to that time and I'm miserable, but that's beside the point.

I agree with some other comments: if you have not decided for certain it's time to ctb, then it isn't. I personally would give myself more time in life before making that decision, but whatever path you take, I hope you find peace in it.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

The way I see things, our brains don't even finish developing until our mid- or sometimes late 20s. So I think it is good if people can wait until they're 30. You kind of just become a bit different when you hit 30.

Ultimately, only you will know when it's time.

 

[SVEN]

If in doubt, don't, would be my thought. The "Last Option" will still be there when you feel all other alternatives are gone.
Perhaps you should consider having a read on the Recovery section, see if anything posted there resonates with you.
In any event, whatever your decision, very best wishes.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Sounds like you still have hope (not a bad thing) and all the doubts about ctb that come with it, so it doesn't appear that you're ready to end it all. It's simple then - don't.

 

[inevitablesomewhere]

Like others have said, the time will always be there if you let it. I've waited 15 yrs and did not regret that.

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

Yeah, if you see any hope for a future thats not worse than your current state you should keep going. I don't even know why I haven't done it yet tbh, I'm 22 and there's really nothing waiting for me anymore. I just can't bring myself to pull the trigger because I'm a fucking bitch.

Just try to keep going some more if you have any idea what you want to accomplish/experience before death.