Visine update

[jackie_boy1337]

With the holidays coming up, everyone has been going out of their way to spread a little cheer- and I am SO FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Moved into my new apartment. Got promoted at work. Everything has been going well... but I'm not going to be lulled into a false sense of comfort over and over again.
And that's exactly what's been happening repeatedly for the past 2 years straight.
I'll make a little progress just to have the rug ripped right out from underneath me, and end up right back at square one.

I've been sleeping successfully... but as I've been getting better sleep, this stupid incessant chitter chatter has gotten worse.... while I'm at work, at home, at the grocery store...

I know exactly who's responsible and I've reported them to the FBI and other law enforcement agencies but nobody is willing to take me seriously.

So I'm done. I'm exhausted. I'm fed up.

I've started taking about 1/2 bottle of visine every day in the hopes that I either have another heart attack in my sleep at home or while at work.

I'm praying that I can make this happen before new year.
I'm too young to be this exhausted, and I know I don't have it in me to make it another year.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound really tiring what you are going through and your feelings of wishing to leave this world are understandable. It certainly seems as though in this life other people often just make things worse for us and create more suffering when there is already enough that exists. I also don't want to face the next year, the thought of existing for much longer is such a dreadful thing to think about but I will sadly likely still be here. I don't really know much about this method but I hope that you find what you wish for.

 

[actual_fox]

You are really determined to get this heart attack.

What is happening? What is happening with this chitter chatter thing?

 

[jessisme]

Let us know how you fare with the Visine. I started accumulating bottles of Visine a few weeks ago before I found this site and found out about SN. But am still open to Visine if there is less discomfort and if it works better. Hope you will keep us posted. Best of luck!

 

[jackie_boy1337]

You are really determined to get this heart attack.

What is happening? What is happening with this chitter chatter thing?

The "chitter chatter" has been going on for close to 2 years... and it's literally the stupidest shit imaginable.
At first, I thought somebody had put some microphones in my vents but I've moved entirely across the country 2 times this year and nothing helped.

It's essentially just non-stop, faint chitter chatter, that narrates what I do as I'm doing it.
I'm making breakfast? I can hear it being faintly narrated.
I'm in the shower?
There's somebody faintly commenting on what my body looks like.

It literally kept me awake for months at a time, which caused me to have my minor stroke/heart attack.
I know it's far fetched but my ex boyfriend from high school's dad is an apple engineer, and they would have access to the type of tech that would make this possible.
(I broke things off with him when I moved to Germany after high school when he sent me an email saying "why are you ignoring me?" (x90). I just never emailed him back.)

It's literally made my life a living hell. Whether it's my ex, or something organic, I can barely function at work. And if I get fired from this job, my last support system disappears so I'll be in this position anyways; just more desperate.

So I'm not even going to let it get that bad to begin with.

Let us know how you fare with the Visine. I started accumulating bottles of Visine a few weeks ago before I found this site and found out about SN. But am still open to Visine if there is less discomfort and if it works better. Hope you will keep us posted. Best of luck!

Thank you! <3
If I'm not dead by Christmas, I'm going to go full-force getting some fentanyl and going out that way.
I just can't keep trying to function like this.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

You could seek out some help from a mental health professional and explain to them this "chitter chatter" that you hear. That would be a good first step in getting the help you need, if you desire to get some help.

 

[jackie_boy1337]

Already been there, thanks.
Unless you'd been living my my life for the past 2 years I wouldn't expect you to understand

You could seek out some help from a mental health professional and explain to them this "chitter chatter" that you hear. That would be a good first step in getting the help you need, if you desire to get some help.

 

[jackie_boy1337]

Update: Just tried. I tried a shoelace around a doorknob with the other end around my neck, after taking my sleeping pills and almost nodded off. I kept coughing up phlegm, which kept me concious.
Solid 20 minutes. It just 5ook way too damn long.
I'm about to take a few more pills, eat a solid meal and try falling asleep with a plastic bag tied around my head.
Wish me luck

 

[locked*n*loaded]

if you desire to get some help.

Already been there, thanks.
Unless you'd been living my my life for the past 2 years I wouldn't expect you to understand

I said "IF you desire to get some help". That is up to you. The "chitter chatter" you hear is most likely a manifestation of SZ of some sort. which may be able to be treated, IF you desire to get some help, which is entirely your call. Regardless, I hope you can reach some peace in your life. Good luck to you.

 

[Yavannah]

Hi
are you still taking the Visine?
im thinking about ordering some

 

[soleil]

I would love to hear if anyone has tried this recently and what it did to you. I'm thinking it's mainly lethal for those with heart issues.