violetforever is apparently going to try

[violetforever]

i have an internship opportunity i was going to do but then i ignored when they emailed back because im suicidal and stupid. they emailed me again though. i hate myself for second guessing things and then inconveniencing other peoples lives because i cant make my mind up on my own. i cant make decisions when i feel either ok or suicidal because they contradict themselves. unfortunately im thinking ok right now and considering going to the meeting. i might not even get it anyway. i probably wont since im so socially awkward and clueless. its just an internship after all. i dont have actual work experience with the career im studying so if i got it i could see if it improves how i feel about life and school. im just about ready to give up on everything including school (again) and ctb. maybe i should actually try to do normal things like normal people with normal lives instead of staying in my room and daydreaming myself to tears. part of the reason im so fucked up is the isolation that forces me to be around my family that i hate and only wish to get away from. im aware of that. this along with already being in school will get me out of the house more. i dont know how to live a healthy balanced life but maybe im really not too old to try. i feel like im going to wake up tomorrow and regret all of this when i slip back into suicidal thoughts. even right now i barely believe im saying this.

 

[timf]

An internship sound like a good way to get your "toes" in the water. You might find a work environment to be different than a school environment. It can be intimidating to consider big changes. Taking smaller steps can be a useful way to manage things.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Hey! It's you again! I replied to your other thread. I remember it being philosophical, about our nature to deny survivability and just accept death.

I'm not here to lecture you or some shit. For all I know, you might be older and more seasoned than me but there is no such thing as a good and balanced life. If there is, it's different for each people because all have different routines, come from different backgrounds, and have vastly different challenges. Take it with a grain of salt but I found that living well just means adjusting. It's never about being on a straight line because as I've had it, our lives are not linear. So many ups and downs. What matters is what we do about them in the way that we can.

About that internship, good luck, Violet. Social awkwardness and anxiety aren't going to be that big of an issue if yhe position you're applying for requires you to work in the back office. It's manageable because you'll be seeing the same set of people everyday, unlike front desk jobs where you meet diverse clients who can be unpredictable.

Yeah. You're trying and I'm so happy to hear that. Welcome to the rat race, Violet! I myself am still unemployed at the moment and are hoping to find a job soon. In all honesty, it's fucking me up mentally too nowadays but that's just life I guess :/

 

[violetforever]

An internship sound like a good way to get your "toes" in the water. You might find a work environment to be different than a school environment. It can be intimidating to consider big changes. Taking smaller steps can be a useful way to manage things.

i was thinking the same thing! thank u for ur reply

For all I know, you might be older and more seasoned than me

probably not im 24 and inexperienced in just about everything in life

there is no such thing as a good and balanced life. If there is, it's different for each people because all have different routines, come from different backgrounds, and have vastly different challenges. Take it with a grain of salt but I found that living well just means adjusting. It's never about being on a straight line because as I've had it, our lives are not linear. So many ups and downs. What matters is what we do about them in the way that we can.

About that internship, good luck, Violet. Social awkwardness and anxiety aren't going to be that big of an issue if yhe position you're applying for requires you to work in the back office. It's manageable because you'll be seeing the same set of people everyday, unlike front desk jobs where you meet diverse clients who can be unpredictable.

thank u for the advice and nice words, i needed to hear it but its not that type of job its for working in a classroom with children. thats why im nervous about being good enough and having enough skills.

I myself am still unemployed at the moment and are hoping to find a job soon. In all honesty, it's fucking me up mentally too nowadays but that's just life I guess :/

im wishing the best for u. tbh im afraid to enter this stage of life bc of how difficult it is

 

[dewasrite]

That sounds like an amazing opportunity that was meant for you. Especially if the opportunity presented itself more than once. That second email sounds like a sign, if you believe in them. I also struggle the way you described and participated in an internship that lasted 10 months. I ended up really loving the work because I knew exactly what I was there to do, so it was a lot easier to get past the awkwardness of… idk… being me? If that makes sense. I know taking on a new project/challenge/commitment can often throw a wrench in whatever stability you might be experiencing now but it could also maybe give you some purpose (albeit temporary). I wish you the best of luck and I hope it turns out exactly how you hope it will

 

[violetforever]

That sounds like an amazing opportunity that was meant for you. Especially if the opportunity presented itself more than once. That second email sounds like a sign, if you believe in them. I also struggle the way you described and participated in an internship that lasted 10 months. I ended up really loving the work because I knew exactly what I was there to do, so it was a lot easier to get past the awkwardness of… idk… being me? If that makes sense. I know taking on a new project/challenge/commitment can often throw a wrench in whatever stability you might be experiencing now but it could also maybe give you some purpose (albeit temporary). I wish you the best of luck and I hope it turns out exactly how you hope it will

thank u so much for ur reply it made me feel better and look forward to the opportunity more

 

[pax420]

24? I hate to see you kids so down on yourselves at that point in all of your lives. I hate that life has drove y'all to this place and these feelings . I don't want anybody at any age wanting to ctb but I also completely understand the need. That being said and this is only my opinion. You have been given a great opportunity in a great field, run with it! Get out of your shell or comfort zone or whatever you call it and give it your best shot. Even if it fails (which I'm sure it won't) at least you will have tried and that alone means a lot. If you can change the life of just one child in your whole life you will have made a difference. Just think how good it will feel if you can bring smiles to children's faces. Try to get more involved in life. I'm stuck living in my bedroom most of the time and isolation is terrible. But whatever happens I wish the best and peaceful life for you and everybody on here

24? I hate to see you kids so down on yourselves at that point in all of your lives. I hate that life has drove y'all to this place and these feelings . I don't want anybody at any age wanting to ctb but I also completely understand the need. That being said and this is only my opinion. You have been given a great opportunity in a great field, run with it! Get out of your shell or comfort zone or whatever you call it and give it your best shot. Even if it fails (which I'm sure it won't) at least you will have tried and that alone means a lot. If you can change the life of just one child in your whole life you will have made a difference. Just think how good it will feel if you can bring smiles to children's faces. Try to get more involved in life. I'm stuck living in my bedroom most of the time and isolation is terrible. But whatever happens I wish the best and peaceful life for you and everybody on here

And thumbs up on shyla by Blondie! I used to have the biggest 'crush' on Deborah Harry. Rapture is one of my all time favorite songs.

 

[violetforever]

24? I hate to see you kids so down on yourselves at that point in all of your lives. I hate that life has drove y'all to this place and these feelings . I don't want anybody at any age wanting to ctb but I also completely understand the need. That being said and this is only my opinion. You have been given a great opportunity in a great field, run with it! Get out of your shell or comfort zone or whatever you call it and give it your best shot. Even if it fails (which I'm sure it won't) at least you will have tried and that alone means a lot. If you can change the life of just one child in your whole life you will have made a difference. Just think how good it will feel if you can bring smiles to children's faces. Try to get more involved in life. I'm stuck living in my bedroom most of the time and isolation is terrible. But whatever happens I wish the best and peaceful life for you and everybody on here

thank u ur words mean so much to me. i know this career doesnt pay very well but i cant see myself doing any other job. nothing interests me much except this. i actually really do find joy in being around children and being able to have positive influence on them. im going to try…

 

[pax420]

thank u ur words mean so much to me. i know this career doesnt pay very well but i cant see myself doing any other job. nothing interests me much except this. i actually really do find joy in being around children and being able to have positive influence on them. im going to try…

That is great !! Trying is really all any of us can do. If it don't work out try again. I've spent the last 44 years getting knocked down and getting back up again. I've never regretted trying. I know teaching isn't one of the best paying jobs there is but I'd bet it is one of the more satisfying jobs there is. If you love your job you'll never have to go to work. Teaching is, unfortunately, one of the most unappreciated, jobs there is, but at the same time most important to jobs. I admire you for taking that path in life. I hope you appreciate how important you job is and I believe you will be an awesome teacher one of these days. My brain doesn't really work and I have a hard time saying what I'm trying to so I hope this makes some kind of sense to you. I'm just wanting to say basically you picked a great career to pursue and don't give up on yourself before you even start.

 

[violetforever]

That is great !! Trying is really all any of us can do. If it don't work out try again. I've spent the last 44 years getting knocked down and getting back up again. I've never regretted trying. I know teaching isn't one of the best paying jobs there is but I'd bet it is one of the more satisfying jobs there is. If you love your job you'll never have to go to work. Teaching is, unfortunately, one of the most unappreciated, jobs there is, but at the same time most important to jobs. I admire you for taking that path in life. I hope you appreciate how important you job is and I believe you will be an awesome teacher one of these days. My brain doesn't really work and I have a hard time saying what I'm trying to so I hope this makes some kind of sense to you. I'm just wanting to say basically you picked a great career to pursue and don't give up on yourself before you even start.

dont worry, of course it makes sense and i appreciate everything you said a lot

 

[sanctionedusage]

so happy for u violet!!!! we're here for you no matter what.

(not meant to sound so ominous :/ )