TheB0Ar
Member
- Oct 23, 2023
- 9
I have a grand in my bank account, what do I have to do, what do I have to buy, who do I have to meet for my suffering to be over?
I can't stand being at the mercy of my brain chemistry and the way it makes me perceive things. I don't even have to end it, I just want void, no feelings, vision, sound, sensations, needs, wants, desires, longing.
How can this happen. Why do things turn into absolute shit? This life isn't worth struggling for. I experienced everything I ever wanted anyway..
I feel like a child. People have it much worse. I'm almost in my mid 20s, and the catalyst to all of this is just a fucked up breakup.
"I don't want anything anymore"
FUCK YOU, we had everything. Literally EVERYTHING. How can you say something like that? Only because you couldn't fulfil your fucked up desire that broke me beyond repair?
- - - - -
You know how living sometimes feels like watching a movie on a big cinema screen?
For me, living for the past four months felt like watching my life through a sheet of glass that's bending, cracking in the corners, maybe burning. All the shapes distorted, colorful vibrant noise everywhere, everything's so loud and busy.
- - - - -
I gave my heart to you.
After we broke up we had to live together for few months so I could save up and move out.
Are you proud of inviting someone into a bed that used to be ours only 10 days after ending it?
A bed where we comfortably slept, napped, cuddled, made love and fun? A bed surrounded by our plushies?
And then you have the AUDACITY to tell me that you wish you were different, normal?
- - - - -
I'm sorry if anything I said is offensive to anybody..
I try to strive for my heart to be a sun, and for my love to be sunrays; even if you reject it, I'll still be whole and vibrant, I'll still be me and full of it.
But it's impossible for me to be the bigger person. I'm a bad person and I have no real life friends.
I can't stand being at the mercy of my brain chemistry and the way it makes me perceive things. I don't even have to end it, I just want void, no feelings, vision, sound, sensations, needs, wants, desires, longing.
How can this happen. Why do things turn into absolute shit? This life isn't worth struggling for. I experienced everything I ever wanted anyway..
I feel like a child. People have it much worse. I'm almost in my mid 20s, and the catalyst to all of this is just a fucked up breakup.
"I don't want anything anymore"
FUCK YOU, we had everything. Literally EVERYTHING. How can you say something like that? Only because you couldn't fulfil your fucked up desire that broke me beyond repair?
- - - - -
You know how living sometimes feels like watching a movie on a big cinema screen?
For me, living for the past four months felt like watching my life through a sheet of glass that's bending, cracking in the corners, maybe burning. All the shapes distorted, colorful vibrant noise everywhere, everything's so loud and busy.
- - - - -
I gave my heart to you.
After we broke up we had to live together for few months so I could save up and move out.
Are you proud of inviting someone into a bed that used to be ours only 10 days after ending it?
A bed where we comfortably slept, napped, cuddled, made love and fun? A bed surrounded by our plushies?
And then you have the AUDACITY to tell me that you wish you were different, normal?
- - - - -
I'm sorry if anything I said is offensive to anybody..
I try to strive for my heart to be a sun, and for my love to be sunrays; even if you reject it, I'll still be whole and vibrant, I'll still be me and full of it.
But it's impossible for me to be the bigger person. I'm a bad person and I have no real life friends.
