JustSomeoneOnline
Barely floating along
- Mar 9, 2023
- 65
i just needed to quickly vent to someone about how im completely losing my shit rn. ive been posting a lot these past days cause im real fucking desperate and planning to ctb this month anytime from the 6-15th unless i cant be ready by then. my birthday is aug 3rd and my brothers is aug 16th i would hate to ctb on his b-day and ruin his birthday as the day his sibling died.
rn im in the process of setting everything up, i cleaned out all my stuff, factory reset my phone and am writing a lot of notes to leave behind after ive died. but i just feel so bad, not for my shitty parents or my siblings or most of my family that will probably be scarred by my death, but a friend who is also suicidal who needs to be in my company all the time.
ive been staying with her almost for 2 months now and i know some of you guys might think that her existence is enough of a reason for me to keep going but her low mood is due to a breakup with her bf, i know shes going to get over it and be on her way again but im not. but the fact is that she needs me right now and im just abandoning her by killing myself. frick. i dont even know how to feel, much less what to do but i quite literally cant hold on any longer. i cant keep living in pain from the second i wake up to the second i fall back asleep again only to repeat it for the rest of my life. i hope i can kill myself around my birthday so my family only has to think of me once a year but everything in my mind is a mess right now.
if you need to vent feel free to do so, it would probably make me feel better tbh. if anyone feels alone or wants to vent to someone feel free to private message me too, i might as well talk to some people before my life ends am i right? haha i just really need someone to cry to right now and no one in my life can do that for me unless i want a one way ticket to the psych ward.
rn im in the process of setting everything up, i cleaned out all my stuff, factory reset my phone and am writing a lot of notes to leave behind after ive died. but i just feel so bad, not for my shitty parents or my siblings or most of my family that will probably be scarred by my death, but a friend who is also suicidal who needs to be in my company all the time.
ive been staying with her almost for 2 months now and i know some of you guys might think that her existence is enough of a reason for me to keep going but her low mood is due to a breakup with her bf, i know shes going to get over it and be on her way again but im not. but the fact is that she needs me right now and im just abandoning her by killing myself. frick. i dont even know how to feel, much less what to do but i quite literally cant hold on any longer. i cant keep living in pain from the second i wake up to the second i fall back asleep again only to repeat it for the rest of my life. i hope i can kill myself around my birthday so my family only has to think of me once a year but everything in my mind is a mess right now.
if you need to vent feel free to do so, it would probably make me feel better tbh. if anyone feels alone or wants to vent to someone feel free to private message me too, i might as well talk to some people before my life ends am i right? haha i just really need someone to cry to right now and no one in my life can do that for me unless i want a one way ticket to the psych ward.
