Venting valid reasons to cbt?

[blackorchid]

i just read a thread about someone discussing the same subject to which i ended up writing a very selfcentered response. thought i might just write my own as a way to vent.

this resonates with me a lot. i do suffer from mental illness, but i've been given "enough" help to get better. from the outside it just seems unfair that after so much effort i just end up things like that.

i strongly believe that i lost a huge part of my memory due to depression but one thing is certain, i have hated myself for as long as i can remember. it just has reached a point where no matter what i do, it hasn't and it probably won't change.

my mother hast told me that her life would be much better off without me, but that reasoning is just obvious and isn't her fault.

i still can't find a better excuse other than the fact that i'm tired and in an unbearable amount of emotional pain.

i too wish i had someone to fuck up my life so i have a more valid reason to cbt. i know i will be remembered as a dramatic coward who just ran away from problems that weren't that difficult. it always ends up being about others rather than me. why am i being so selfish? why couldn't i suck it up and just live a miserable life like everyone else?

peolpw who actually want to live deserve my life and opportunities more than i do.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

and? what have you done to let those who want to live, have that opportunity?

all I'm saying is, if you die now, you can't help anyone. You die and the world continues to spin. You're not helping a single soul. You're not reducing the world carbon footprint and even if you do, there's another newborn that will make this change insignificant.

It's not about sucking up. It's about priorities. That's why you get called selfish for wanting to die. You prioritize your own pains and if you think about it, you do. Depression and mental illnesses take away a person's ability to make a discretion. You're in a void, no one gets you, no one "will ever know the pain you feel"

Not a single soul knows the pain I feel too. Or the pain my dead girlfriend carried. Or the pain my father who smoked himself to death carried. You can't know the pain threshold of a person. People are not monsters for not acknowledging that.

But so what? Everyone has to cater to you? You have to die so this ends? You're transferring the pain to others. That's another selfish thing you and I will be doing. And you and I know damn well that death by suicide and death by sickness/old age as well as death by accidents are mourned differently.