Venting upcoming death is freakyyyy

[meowme0w]

I literally just got my SN today. I have it. I literally have my death right in my hands?? It's so weird. On one hand Its really odd, but on the other, I don't feel anything. This hasn't made me feel anything. I'm finishing up some things in preparation, i'm writing letters, I'm booking a hotel room....and nothing!

I think I just haven't really realised that I'm actually going to die yet? My brain hasn't processed it. I bet once I'm actually in the process of dying I'll start panicking, but I really hope I'll be able to go through with it, and that it'll be peaceful. I'm hoping I can do it before the end of this week; before I change my mind.

I am really sad though. There's so many things I won't get to finish, and that's pretty sad, but I won't be sad when I'm dead so it's okay. I won't feel anything!

I just watched Plur1bus in 2 days and it was so PEAK...I really wish I could see its 2nd season, but not as much as I want to die Ya'll...go watch plur1bus!! It's fire

This is so weird though...I literally just have to get this out cause it's so WEIRD!!! Wdym I'm gonna die!?!? It doesn't feel real at all lmao

I've been living life completely normally despite having decided on dying some time ago, so that might be why it hasn't hit me yet. I technically have plans for next week. I won't even be here next week. Like what!? Death is so wacky wdym I won't exist next week?? Wish I'd at least tried weed before I go RIP ME!! (Hopefully. Pls let me not pussy out.)

 

[Aflame5926]

I literally just got my SN today. I have it. I literally have my death right in my hands?? It's so weird. On one hand Its really odd, but on the other, I don't feel anything. This hasn't made me feel anything. I'm finishing up some things in preparation, i'm writing letters, I'm booking a hotel room....and nothing!

I think I just haven't really realised that I'm actually going to die yet? My brain hasn't processed it. I bet once I'm actually in the process of dying I'll start panicking, but I really hope I'll be able to go through with it, and that it'll be peaceful. I'm hoping I can do it before the end of this week; before I change my mind.

I am really sad though. There's so many things I won't get to finish, and that's pretty sad, but I won't be sad when I'm dead so it's okay. I won't feel anything!

I just watched Plur1bus in 2 days and it was so PEAK...I really wish I could see its 2nd season, but not as much as I want to die Ya'll...go watch plur1bus!! It's fire

This is so weird though...I literally just have to get this out cause it's so WEIRD!!! Wdym I'm gonna die!?!? It doesn't feel real at all lmao

I've been living life completely normally despite having decided on dying some time ago, so that might be why it hasn't hit me yet. I technically have plans for next week. I won't even be here next week. Like what!? Death is so wacky wdym I won't exist next week?? Wish I'd at least tried weed before I go RIP ME!! (Hopefully. Pls let me not pussy out.)

they way you write it it sounds indeed that you didnt processed it. im unsure to wish you to best tho. can you explain a bit more if you want. because this sounds to me there are some attachment left. but that can also be only because you selected typing this part and this might be an euphora moment

 

[hopelessghost]

Hope you find the peace, whether you stay alive or not.
Also, you can still try weed tho

 

[paranoias64]

yeah i felt the same way when i started learning how to ctb when here. u should try weed. i've done it before and i like it! :>

 

[meowme0w]

they way you write it it sounds indeed that you didnt processed it. im unsure to wish you to best tho. can you explain a bit more if you want. because this sounds to me there are some attachment left. but that can also be only because you selected typing this part and this might be an euphora moment

Honestly, I really haven't processed it fully yet, but I'm also confident this is what I want. I've been wanting to die for years, and I've been planning this for a little bit now. I'm not planning to ctb on impulse.

And yeah, technically I do still have some attachments, but they're just not worth it to me, y'know? Sure I might want to finish a book I'm reading, but at the same time I want to die more than anything. I want to finish the book, but not that much. I'm okay not finishing it (If I REALLY wanted to finish it, I would. I'm technically not in a hurry to ctb. I'm doing it so soon because I want to)

I would assume most people have something, even if it's somethign super small, that they're still a little attached to even when they decide to take their life. I'm doing this because I just see it as the best/only real option for me

Hope you find the peace, whether you stay alive or not.
Also, you can still try weed tho

yeah i felt the same way when i started learning how to ctb when here. u should try weed. i've done it before and i like it! :>

thank you thank you!

and lololol unfortunately weed is illegal here...I probably won't be able to get my hands on any haha

 

[K14~♡]

I literally just got my SN today. I have it. I literally have my death right in my hands?? It's so weird. On one hand Its really odd, but on the other, I don't feel anything. This hasn't made me feel anything. I'm finishing up some things in preparation, i'm writing letters, I'm booking a hotel room....and nothing!

I think I just haven't really realised that I'm actually going to die yet? My brain hasn't processed it. I bet once I'm actually in the process of dying I'll start panicking, but I really hope I'll be able to go through with it, and that it'll be peaceful. I'm hoping I can do it before the end of this week; before I change my mind.

I am really sad though. There's so many things I won't get to finish, and that's pretty sad, but I won't be sad when I'm dead so it's okay. I won't feel anything!

I just watched Plur1bus in 2 days and it was so PEAK...I really wish I could see its 2nd season, but not as much as I want to die Ya'll...go watch plur1bus!! It's fire

This is so weird though...I literally just have to get this out cause it's so WEIRD!!! Wdym I'm gonna die!?!? It doesn't feel real at all lmao

I've been living life completely normally despite having decided on dying some time ago, so that might be why it hasn't hit me yet. I technically have plans for next week. I won't even be here next week. Like what!? Death is so wacky wdym I won't exist next week?? Wish I'd at least tried weed before I go RIP ME!! (Hopefully. Pls let me not pussy out.)

This post is how my thoughts have been too ToT Other than letters, I've finished almost everything. I'll be going tomorrow, but it never once felt like I'll be chasing the bus lol (tho I did feel some excitement from time to time). I can't believe all this is all happening

Anyhow, hope you can have a blast before you go, that you won't panic much, and achieve peace in whatever way it will be <3