Wow, it honestly sounds scary and surreal what you have to go through to get a bed for a night.
that is the biggest reason why i initially joined. i know how to kill myself. saw people live testing methods for me to evaluate which sounds incredibly fucked up but you subconsciously learn from it.
i joined this forum and tried to be as honest as comfortable and possible despite it being very risky for me to public post so many details.
i really needed somebody to hear my story at least once. the people i talk with here usually don't even open up much. emotions are fatal and information is a deadly blade. i am here because i really don't want my whole life to just get erased if something ever happens to me. now people know i exist and it doesn't matter if they like me and believe my story or not. i finally exist. i and many other living like me finally have a voice. we are finally heard. ugh this made me tear up... great...
oh wait... i forgot. i just larp and make shit up
Are the people who let you stay all terrible, as in is there any that would maybe help you once a month or regular.
people that let me stay without wanting any major payment in return are incredibly rare (and risky). there are some that pick us up like a maid service and just want their whole apartment cleaned. some just want some normal comfort and company like the person with a dead wife i talked about in the beginning of this thread. some just want to talk all night as some sort of therapy. but really, 98% of the time it is people somewhere in the spectrum of bad and evil.
you need to remember, even the people that want their apartment cleaned which is one of my favorite payments, ask kids to do so. i am very much an outlier now. most of us are between 14-18. so many of the knew kids are even 12 or 13 and get picked up for the same things i am. in my experience they even get payed more the younger they are. it is really fucked.
a very big fear that is a bit more common with tokyo kids but still very common here are hosts belonging to those clubs. they pretend to be normal gods offering a roof out of the purity of their hearts. we are so starved for connection and lonely that it is incredibly easy to fall in love with them. they take us out for dinner a few times and play the perfect caring boyfriend. then the trap shuts and we go party at their host club. we are suddenly forced to pay for stupidly expensive drinks. it becomes this endless back and forth of manipulation. they convince us to sell ourselves at a way higher rate and do way worse things just so we can afford to meet up with our fake boyfriend. we end up trapped doing horrible sex work just to pay for the overpriced drinks at the clubs we think we love. they drain every last piece of us. everything is always a trap. nothing is free. affection is the most dangerous currency here.
decent video about the host trap
I seen a site a while back offering stays for work in different countries, like farm work or helping out with different things , I don't know if it's an option in your country but could be something to look into
as far as i know i would need a valid ID and a guaranteer or home address to be able to work such a job. there are usually only 4 ways out of this mess: die, survive with a clean police record and get an ID once 18, juvenile systems or sent back home.
being sent back home is by far the worst option. people often don't realize how truly awful life must have been growing up that we prefer doing something like i am now. going back is no option and i don't have a clean record.
Hey, I've got another question, pretty off-topic but can you pass a stray cat's vibe check?
there aren't that many stray cats anymore. at least here in the city center but there are some in parks and the more residential areas. we usually get along unless they start a fight over territory. they usually win haha.
but na i love your question. i like kitties and they usually like me. if i had a rough night and sit around in some park or in the suburbs afterwards they sometimes come by to see what i am doing. most of the time i pass the vibe check. the other times i just assume the cat is male and wants to fight because of that haha. sorry guys. i know there are plenty of nice ones of you as well
How do you manage to get money ?
If it's only a service exchange i assume they don't pay you ? Or do they ?
most of the time it is strictly a service exchange for a roof and a meal. they rarely pay in cash unless i agree to do things that go way beyond the usual expectations. occasionally a host might hand me a thousand yen or so when kicking me out so i can buy something at the convenience store. otherwise i do not really have an income. we steal makeup and other small necessities just to get by. some girls sell themselves on the street for cash but that puts you at a much higher risk of getting caught or killed. what i do is a bit safer. if i would fuck 5 guys a day i would have more money obviously but i would hate myself even more doing that.
Do you drink coffee ? If yes do you like the BOSS rainbow mountain blend ?
i mostly survive on soda, preferably with caffeine in it, because that is how i get my few daily calories. coffee is only useful because it kills my appetite when the hunger gets too painful to ignore. it does not give me the sugar i need to keep from passing out. i know the boss rainbow mountain blend though. it is in literally every single vending machine in japan. it is sweet enough to be okay but i will always pick a high calorie soda over it. energy drinks are better than coffee anyway. cheaper, sweeter stronger, yum.
