Tomorrow's self-help group gonna be really really painful

[noname223]

When I was manic I was really funny and charismatic. My crush showed interest in me. I was totally overwhelmed by that and it triggered my love delusion. I acted like a total donkey last week.

I think she will dodge the meeting because that is less painful for me. There is the off-chance she comes and tear my heart apart.

I think it is important for me to understand that I struggle with ambiguity intolerance. This means. Slight positive signals make me think she is in love with me. And slight negative signals that I fucked it up irreversible.

However, I acted that weird last weekend that even I noticed it. Which is often a bad sign. But when i was manic I was really good.

I am not sure whether I get a second chance.

I think I might be acute suicidal tomorrow evening.

If it becomes really painful I try to react paradoxically. This means I try to be positive and funny on the outside. I have manic symptoms I hope that will help.
But something that should not happen is that I crash in the group. I have to stop that if this happens.


It is so fucking painful. You have a crush on someone then the person starts to be interested in you and then your pathological beahvior ruins it immediately. Not sure whether I will survive that long if it keeps repeating. I don't have SN here otherwise I might would do it soon.

 

[noname223]

Can anyone remember the Chemistry Master Student. I Blocked her attempt to approach me because I am now interested in the Dating App woman. The latter one texts me less and less though. I have a Bad feeling.

Though I think you and my friends were right. I dodged a bullet with her. (the Chemistry student) I was at my self-help group today. I just Interrupted a conversation with a friend in this group. And she Was interested in 3 different Men (including me) during her current 1 year relationship with her current bf. I am not sure whether she Said the full truth. It sounds like she lies all the time and it is just a house of cards of lies. She told me she met her current boyfriend While she was in her first relationship. Today she Said she took a break of two months before the New relationship but never said it to noone. Seemingly though, she had friends with benefits with her current boyfriend at the Start. But when we met she told me she is not really interested in sexuality. Was this a strategic lie? I have the feelings she lies so much it is very difficult to evaluate whether she is honest about anything. With the Dating woman App I have Trust Issues too due to my psychosis related paranoia. But honestly if I dated the chemistry master student the paranoia would definitely be deserved. How can she treat her boyfriend so disrespecfully? She struggles to be alone but does this justify her actions? I doubt it. It is an adventure for her.