Venting To My Darling Jessica

[RetroChaos]

I'm sorry. Even if this is all you read I'm sorry. If this is all the pigs give to you let it be known I'm sorry. I never ever wanted to hurt you or cause you distress. You are the love of my life and I'll mean that forever. I cannot live on without you or knowing you hate me. All ever wanted was to make you happy and provide the best life for us. And I'm sorry if that came off as harsh or rude or that I didn't love you. I know I was always shit at being there for you, or showing how I felt, or just being decent person. I was going through addictions and bad things and you shouldn't have dealt with all that when we were just young teens. It should've been 10 years today. I wanted to present you with tickets to Japan, to then propose to you outside the castle at Disneyland Sea when we made it out there. I wish it could be different. I don't ever want to love again, or find someone else. You are perfect to me, and I ruined it all. I really cannot go on without you. Just to hear your voice again or for you to just talk to me would mean everything. But I know that would never happen, and that breaks my heart. It's better if I'm just not around to bother or bring you anymore distress. And for selfish reasons, I just can't deal with the thought of you moving on, even if I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry I ruined it all. I really am. Please believe and know that. I should've been the man to give you the world, but I only caused you harm and trouble. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you, forever and always.

 

[theboy]

deep

 

[FireFox]

deep

@theboy It is so painful to read every word

It is so clear just reading from the words the OP really deeply loved Jessica but did not know how to be a good loving stable partner for her and giving her a future because of the OPs issues and demons within inside himself.

 

[theboy]

@theboy It is so painful to read every word

It is so clear just reading from the words the OP really deeply loved Jessica but did not know how to be a good loving stable partner for her and giving her a future because of the OPs issues and demons within inside himself.

The story of many people. Love is complex
I don't understand if the OP is referring to a loving goodbye or that Jessica is "sleeping".

 

[FireFox]

Virtual hug OP

I am so sorry you are in such deep pain and heartbreak.

People describe love as this beautiful emotion but I see love as a destructive emotion which leaves a trail of pain which always follows you everywhere you go.

If an individual does not end up with the one they love so dearly then they are left only alone but with the pain of heartbreak. How is love a beautiful emotion when it involves so much deep pain.

 

[Unlucked]

damn that's a oneitis right there.

 

[Ashu]

I'm sorry. Even if this is all you read I'm sorry. If this is all the pigs give to you let it be known I'm sorry. I never ever wanted to hurt you or cause you distress. You are the love of my life and I'll mean that forever. I cannot live on without you or knowing you hate me. All ever wanted was to make you happy and provide the best life for us. And I'm sorry if that came off as harsh or rude or that I didn't love you. I know I was always shit at being there for you, or showing how I felt, or just being decent person. I was going through addictions and bad things and you shouldn't have dealt with all that when we were just young teens. It should've been 10 years today. I wanted to present you with tickets to Japan, to then propose to you outside the castle at Disneyland Sea when we made it out there. I wish it could be different. I don't ever want to love again, or find someone else. You are perfect to me, and I ruined it all. I really cannot go on without you. Just to hear your voice again or for you to just talk to me would mean everything. But I know that would never happen, and that breaks my heart. It's better if I'm just not around to bother or bring you anymore distress. And for selfish reasons, I just can't deal with the thought of you moving on, even if I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry I ruined it all. I really am. Please believe and know that. I should've been the man to give you the world, but I only caused you harm and trouble. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you, forever and always.

I dig. But I actually married her, and we're still together. And as you can imagine, that's been at least as bad.

 

[RetroChaos]

damn that's a oneitis right there.

We'd been together since we were 13. 2012-2019. She literally is my life, all I've known. I can't find anyone else like her, she's unique. From her personality, style, interests, body... Everything was perfect to me. She's the definition of my type since she formed it. I really can't see anyone else but her. It's difficult since I want to be with her, I want to talk to her, but she doesn't want that and I want to make her happy obviously.

 

[September5th]

This made me cry. Your darling Jessica is my darling Duda. I'm so sorry for you. I understand your pain. All we want is to see them smile...

 

[RetroChaos]

And I hate how she's so popular on social media, I know what it was like when we were together, she'd get creepy comments from other guys. But to think she may be talking to them now breaks my heart. That and she's putting herself out there whilst I'm locking myself away from the world.
I had it all and I threw it away. I hate myself for it. I can't live with it no more.