I'm really relieved and glad I haven't made anything bad happen to you.
Thank you so much for all your kindness and encouragement
Thank you so much for all your kindness and encouragement
Just venting so just ignore . Didnt want to waste another thread.
Terrified for meeting private therapist. Can't back out now as too late so will lose the money. It's a really bad idea to involve another person. I haven't wrote anything down as don't know where to start as she knows literally nothing about me. Maybe i'll just explain past and depression etc. so don't tell her about system. As they took control again tonight and I carved threatening message on me about therapist so too dangerous . Useless mess, i hate that i can't just pull myself together and ctb. I've been watching some clips on truck method again and honestly it's seeming like a good way more and more. Maybe the systems not wrong
Terrified for meeting private therapist. Can't back out now as too late so will lose the money. It's a really bad idea to involve another person. I haven't wrote anything down as don't know where to start as she knows literally nothing about me. Maybe i'll just explain past and depression etc. so don't tell her about system. As they took control again tonight and I carved threatening message on me about therapist so too dangerous . Useless mess, i hate that i can't just pull myself together and ctb. I've been watching some clips on truck method again and honestly it's seeming like a good way more and more. Maybe the systems not wrong
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Not in response to the recent vent, but it's good to see you still around.
The voices surely have their own agenda, but it's hard to fathom how strong the human mind can be with its many control mechanisms. No control is absolute. No matter how much they try to manipulate and demoralize you, it is possible to win.
The voices surely have their own agenda, but it's hard to fathom how strong the human mind can be with its many control mechanisms. No control is absolute. No matter how much they try to manipulate and demoralize you, it is possible to win.
Whale_bones
Experienced
- Feb 11, 2020
- 233
I'm in my 30s and have met mannny therapists over my life; I know we're not in the same country so there's differences, but in my experience private therapists can often be more attentive and respectful, have more time to listen and focus on you as an individual, and be a lot less likely to push through a checklist or funnel you into categories of "fits this diagnosis exactly".
There's still an aspect of luck when you're meeting someone new, of course, but I've consistently found private therapists to be better in quite a few areas. I have an amazing therapist now who pays attention, so I don't have to say the right things or explain everything perfectly; if I'm abruptly speaking less he knows I'm distressed, if I'm looking away a lot he knows I'm more disassociated.
All this to say, you shouldn't have to be perfect at expressing yourself; if I was a therapist I'd expect that someone would have a harder time verbalizing when it comes to certain topics. What I really want for you is a therapist that focuses on you as an individual, gives you time to get to know them and feel comfortable, and supports you while letting you lead the conversation and bring up topics when you're ready.
Can you approach the private therapist appt with an open mind, and while not deciding 100% you have to tell her about the system beforehand (as I understand that's a huge deal), feel it out and see if she's someone who you could feel comfortable with?
Any therapist worth their salt will be understanding if you say there's some things that are hard for you to talk about. And will want to spend the time it takes for you to be comfortable sharing big things with them. If they don't, they're not worth their salt (hmm, is that a saying in the UK? I hope so, otherwise you're going to wonder why I'm talking about salt
)
There's still an aspect of luck when you're meeting someone new, of course, but I've consistently found private therapists to be better in quite a few areas. I have an amazing therapist now who pays attention, so I don't have to say the right things or explain everything perfectly; if I'm abruptly speaking less he knows I'm distressed, if I'm looking away a lot he knows I'm more disassociated.
All this to say, you shouldn't have to be perfect at expressing yourself; if I was a therapist I'd expect that someone would have a harder time verbalizing when it comes to certain topics. What I really want for you is a therapist that focuses on you as an individual, gives you time to get to know them and feel comfortable, and supports you while letting you lead the conversation and bring up topics when you're ready.
Can you approach the private therapist appt with an open mind, and while not deciding 100% you have to tell her about the system beforehand (as I understand that's a huge deal), feel it out and see if she's someone who you could feel comfortable with?
Any therapist worth their salt will be understanding if you say there's some things that are hard for you to talk about. And will want to spend the time it takes for you to be comfortable sharing big things with them. If they don't, they're not worth their salt (hmm, is that a saying in the UK? I hope so, otherwise you're going to wonder why I'm talking about salt
)Thank you so much for your thoughtful responseI'm in my 30s and have met mannny therapists over my life; I know we're not in the same country so there's differences, but in my experience private therapists can often be more attentive and respectful, have more time to listen and focus on you as an individual, and be a lot less likely to push through a checklist or funnel you into categories of "fits this diagnosis exactly".
There's still an aspect of luck when you're meeting someone new, of course, but I've consistently found private therapists to be better in quite a few areas. I have an amazing therapist now who pays attention, so I don't have to say the right things or explain everything perfectly; if I'm abruptly speaking less he knows I'm distressed, if I'm looking away a lot he knows I'm more disassociated.
All this to say, you shouldn't have to be perfect at expressing yourself; if I was a therapist I'd expect that someone would have a harder time verbalizing when it comes to certain topics. What I really want for you is a therapist that focuses on you as an individual, gives you time to get to know them and feel comfortable, and supports you while letting you lead the conversation and bring up topics when you're ready.
Can you approach the private therapist appt with an open mind, and while not deciding 100% you have to tell her about the system beforehand (as I understand that's a huge deal), feel it out and see if she's someone who you could feel comfortable with?
Any therapist worth their salt will be understanding if you say there's some things that are hard for you to talk about. And will want to spend the time it takes for you to be comfortable sharing big things with them. If they don't, they're not worth their salt (hmm, is that a saying in the UK? I hope so, otherwise you're going to wonder why I'm talking about salt
I went and she seemed very patient and understanding. There's a lot to cover so i didn't get onto sharing about the system and voices. Just focused on general anxiety and my history. I mean i probably should've shared it when she asked why i was isolating myself but wanted to test the waters first I guess. Anyway seeing her again next week and will tell her then. Eventhough very anxious I felt like I could get to be comfortable with her.
And haha yeah that is a saying here too about salt don't worry !
I also got a letter today about the psychosis referral. I have the assessment next week. They said in the letter that the nurse told them about the system and that they understand it's hard for me to talk about it so have sent me a list of questions to write answers to and bring to appt. Which i was surprised by but in a good way as it was thoughtful of them and will make it a lot easier for me
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Ash
What dreams may come?
- Oct 4, 2021
- 1,758
UnrulyNightmare
Student
- Jul 3, 2024
- 126
That sounds absolutely awesome! Glad you liked her and felt like you could talk to her! Super nice about the list as well that should make things easier for you!Thank you so much for your thoughtful response
I went and she seemed very patient and understanding. There's a lot to cover so i didn't get onto sharing about the system and voices. Just focused on general anxiety and my history. I mean i probably should've shared it when she asked why i was isolating myself but wanted to test the waters first I guess. Anyway seeing her again next week and will tell her then. Eventhough very anxious I felt like I could get to be comfortable with her.
And haha yeah that is a saying here too about salt don't worry !
I also got a letter today about the psychosis referral. I have the assessment next week. They said in the letter that the nurse told them about the system and that they understand it's hard for me to talk about it so have sent me a list of questions to write answers to and bring to appt. Which i was surprised by but in a good way as it was thoughtful of them and will make it a lot easier for me
I'm glad things are sort of working out!
You feeling a bit better about it this time around?
opheliaoveragain
Eating Disordered Junkie
- Jun 2, 2024
- 508
Just keep taking it step by step. Sending you hugs. <3333
Sorry just using this as vent thread now I guess.
Have answered all their questions in writing ready to give to EIP team (psychosis team). Idk how I feel about it . There was question about how I know whether or not to trust my parents (because i'd shared about that with the mH practitioner) which made me feel more paranoid as I don't know how to figure that out.
How can I trust anyone atm?
I'm worried that there's possibility i'll be accepted into the service this time and i really don't want to be. I need someone to believe me not medicate me. Hopefully they'll rule out psychosis and discharge again , that's the outcome I want and have wrote that in my answers.
More confused atm. Struggling with sleep again probably isn't helping. Feel quite distant and maybe dissociated some times idk. Last night i had this feeling and fear that I wasnt me and that I was something that took over and stole my body.
Have answered all their questions in writing ready to give to EIP team (psychosis team). Idk how I feel about it . There was question about how I know whether or not to trust my parents (because i'd shared about that with the mH practitioner) which made me feel more paranoid as I don't know how to figure that out.
How can I trust anyone atm?
I'm worried that there's possibility i'll be accepted into the service this time and i really don't want to be. I need someone to believe me not medicate me. Hopefully they'll rule out psychosis and discharge again , that's the outcome I want and have wrote that in my answers.
More confused atm. Struggling with sleep again probably isn't helping. Feel quite distant and maybe dissociated some times idk. Last night i had this feeling and fear that I wasnt me and that I was something that took over and stole my body.
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alltoomuch2
Specialist
- Feb 10, 2024
- 301
If you don't know the answer to a question I think maybe it's better to write that you don't know. For now I think sleep and grounding should be your priorities so you can think we'll when they see you. I suppose at least you have the written questions now as it might have been more difficult if they had waited and asked while you're there. But I think you should tell them everything and truthfully so that if they reconfirm no psychosis you'll know that was a right decision. If they don't know anything then they could make a mistake in either direction. I'm still ok by the way. Nothings happened to me
. Keep going. It'll be ok.
Tesha
Life too shall pass
- May 31, 2020
- 854
You're doing fantastically. I'm really impressed with the fighter in you.
You talk about wanting to be believed and not medicated - they're not mutually exclusive. Where possible, they will always take your wishes into account; so if you haven't already, you might want to think about what treatment options you would or would not be prepared to accept.
You talk about wanting to be believed and not medicated - they're not mutually exclusive. Where possible, they will always take your wishes into account; so if you haven't already, you might want to think about what treatment options you would or would not be prepared to accept.
opheliaoveragain
Eating Disordered Junkie
- Jun 2, 2024
- 508
Using it to vent is just another way to keep us updated and I'm sure many of us are thankful that you are. Keep Going. You got this<3
UnrulyNightmare
Student
- Jul 3, 2024
- 126
Thats sounds unpleasant. Are you back into your body a bit more again by now?
Vent away! We don't mind
Thank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).
Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .
@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).
Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .
@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today
UnrulyNightmare
Student
- Jul 3, 2024
- 126
I'm so proud of you! That must have been very hard. I'm so glad you find comfort in talking to us! I don't like you are in pain but I enjoy reading your messages. (Does that sound weird..? I mean it in a nice wayThank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).
Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .
@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today
)Personally having the first somewhat better day in a long long time!
I'm glad you feel more grounded, I find dissociation to be uncomfortable!
alltoomuch2
Specialist
- Feb 10, 2024
- 301
Thank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).
Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .
@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today.
I agree with everything that UnrulyNightmare said in that last post. I'm so proud of you doing all that. It's brilliant. You're such a brave fighter you thoroughly deserve to come out of this feeling better. I'm also super glad you're feeling more grounded today. You inspire me tbh. I'm glad you don't mind us commenting on your threads and I'm comforted that my replies help you in some way too. I'm still ok. Nothing bad has happened to me. It'll be ok.Thank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).
Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .
@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today
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I'm so proud of you! That must have been very hard. I'm so glad you find comfort in talking to us! I don't like you are in pain but I enjoy reading your messages. (Does that sound weird..? I mean it in a nice way
Personally having the first somewhat better day in a long long time!
I'm glad you feel more grounded, I find dissociation to be uncomfortable!
Thank you both
it helps more than you know I hope today is also somewhat better for you @UnrulyNightmare you deserve the break
Thanks but I wouldn't say i'm brave or a fighter @alltoomuch2 just surviving as don't have much choice. And i have been a complete coward throughout all this .
I just complain and moan and got myself into this mess so nothing inspiring from that .
Late last night I pulled a splinter out of my finger but it looked metallic when I pulled it out and was very small so hard to see detail. I dropped it before I could fully investigate it and couldn't find it again. But looking at images of microchips I think it could've been one. Will see if I can find where it went in my carpet today because if it was one then it will be some physical proof that no one can dispute.
