Evil Bitch

[timetodie24]

Still here, all ok, and hoping that this all comes out right for you. So pleased you're going back to the psychosis team, just to confirm, or to help you more. You're doing brilliantly. So brave.

I'm really relieved and glad I haven't made anything bad happen to you.
Thank you so much for all your kindness and encouragement

 

[timetodie24]

Just venting so just ignore . Didnt want to waste another thread.

Terrified for meeting private therapist. Can't back out now as too late so will lose the money. It's a really bad idea to involve another person. I haven't wrote anything down as don't know where to start as she knows literally nothing about me. Maybe i'll just explain past and depression etc. so don't tell her about system. As they took control again tonight and I carved threatening message on me about therapist so too dangerous . Useless mess, i hate that i can't just pull myself together and ctb. I've been watching some clips on truck method again and honestly it's seeming like a good way more and more. Maybe the systems not wrong

 

[Hvergelmir]

Not in response to the recent vent, but it's good to see you still around.

The voices surely have their own agenda, but it's hard to fathom how strong the human mind can be with its many control mechanisms. No control is absolute. No matter how much they try to manipulate and demoralize you, it is possible to win.

 

[Whale_bones]

I'm in my 30s and have met mannny therapists over my life; I know we're not in the same country so there's differences, but in my experience private therapists can often be more attentive and respectful, have more time to listen and focus on you as an individual, and be a lot less likely to push through a checklist or funnel you into categories of "fits this diagnosis exactly".

There's still an aspect of luck when you're meeting someone new, of course, but I've consistently found private therapists to be better in quite a few areas. I have an amazing therapist now who pays attention, so I don't have to say the right things or explain everything perfectly; if I'm abruptly speaking less he knows I'm distressed, if I'm looking away a lot he knows I'm more disassociated.

All this to say, you shouldn't have to be perfect at expressing yourself; if I was a therapist I'd expect that someone would have a harder time verbalizing when it comes to certain topics. What I really want for you is a therapist that focuses on you as an individual, gives you time to get to know them and feel comfortable, and supports you while letting you lead the conversation and bring up topics when you're ready.

Can you approach the private therapist appt with an open mind, and while not deciding 100% you have to tell her about the system beforehand (as I understand that's a huge deal), feel it out and see if she's someone who you could feel comfortable with?

Any therapist worth their salt will be understanding if you say there's some things that are hard for you to talk about. And will want to spend the time it takes for you to be comfortable sharing big things with them. If they don't, they're not worth their salt (hmm, is that a saying in the UK? I hope so, otherwise you're going to wonder why I'm talking about salt )

 

[timetodie24]

I'm in my 30s and have met mannny therapists over my life; I know we're not in the same country so there's differences, but in my experience private therapists can often be more attentive and respectful, have more time to listen and focus on you as an individual, and be a lot less likely to push through a checklist or funnel you into categories of "fits this diagnosis exactly".

There's still an aspect of luck when you're meeting someone new, of course, but I've consistently found private therapists to be better in quite a few areas. I have an amazing therapist now who pays attention, so I don't have to say the right things or explain everything perfectly; if I'm abruptly speaking less he knows I'm distressed, if I'm looking away a lot he knows I'm more disassociated.

All this to say, you shouldn't have to be perfect at expressing yourself; if I was a therapist I'd expect that someone would have a harder time verbalizing when it comes to certain topics. What I really want for you is a therapist that focuses on you as an individual, gives you time to get to know them and feel comfortable, and supports you while letting you lead the conversation and bring up topics when you're ready.

Can you approach the private therapist appt with an open mind, and while not deciding 100% you have to tell her about the system beforehand (as I understand that's a huge deal), feel it out and see if she's someone who you could feel comfortable with?

Any therapist worth their salt will be understanding if you say there's some things that are hard for you to talk about. And will want to spend the time it takes for you to be comfortable sharing big things with them. If they don't, they're not worth their salt (hmm, is that a saying in the UK? I hope so, otherwise you're going to wonder why I'm talking about salt )

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response

I went and she seemed very patient and understanding. There's a lot to cover so i didn't get onto sharing about the system and voices. Just focused on general anxiety and my history. I mean i probably should've shared it when she asked why i was isolating myself but wanted to test the waters first I guess. Anyway seeing her again next week and will tell her then. Eventhough very anxious I felt like I could get to be comfortable with her.
And haha yeah that is a saying here too about salt don't worry !

I also got a letter today about the psychosis referral. I have the assessment next week. They said in the letter that the nurse told them about the system and that they understand it's hard for me to talk about it so have sent me a list of questions to write answers to and bring to appt. Which i was surprised by but in a good way as it was thoughtful of them and will make it a lot easier for me

 

[Ash]

That sounds really useful.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response

I went and she seemed very patient and understanding. There's a lot to cover so i didn't get onto sharing about the system and voices. Just focused on general anxiety and my history. I mean i probably should've shared it when she asked why i was isolating myself but wanted to test the waters first I guess. Anyway seeing her again next week and will tell her then. Eventhough very anxious I felt like I could get to be comfortable with her.
And haha yeah that is a saying here too about salt don't worry !

I also got a letter today about the psychosis referral. I have the assessment next week. They said in the letter that the nurse told them about the system and that they understand it's hard for me to talk about it so have sent me a list of questions to write answers to and bring to appt. Which i was surprised by but in a good way as it was thoughtful of them and will make it a lot easier for me

That sounds absolutely awesome! Glad you liked her and felt like you could talk to her! Super nice about the list as well that should make things easier for you!
I'm glad things are sort of working out!
You feeling a bit better about it this time around?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Just keep taking it step by step. Sending you hugs. <3333

 

[timetodie24]

Sorry just using this as vent thread now I guess.

Have answered all their questions in writing ready to give to EIP team (psychosis team). Idk how I feel about it . There was question about how I know whether or not to trust my parents (because i'd shared about that with the mH practitioner) which made me feel more paranoid as I don't know how to figure that out.
How can I trust anyone atm?
I'm worried that there's possibility i'll be accepted into the service this time and i really don't want to be. I need someone to believe me not medicate me. Hopefully they'll rule out psychosis and discharge again , that's the outcome I want and have wrote that in my answers.
More confused atm. Struggling with sleep again probably isn't helping. Feel quite distant and maybe dissociated some times idk. Last night i had this feeling and fear that I wasnt me and that I was something that took over and stole my body.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Sorry just using this as vent thread now I guess.

Have answered all their questions in writing ready to give to EIP team (psychosis team). Idk how I feel about it . There was question about how I know whether or not to trust my parents (because i'd shared about that with the mH practitioner) which made me feel more paranoid as I don't know how to figure that out.
I'm worried that there's possibility i'll be accepted into the service this time and i really don't want to be. I need someone to believe me not medicate me. Hopefully they'll rule out psychosis and discharge again , that's the outcome I want and have wrote that in my answers.
More confused atm. Struggling with sleep again probably isn't helping. Feel quite distant and maybe dissociated some times idk. Last night i had this feeling and fear that I wasnt me and that I was something that took over and stole my body.

If you don't know the answer to a question I think maybe it's better to write that you don't know. For now I think sleep and grounding should be your priorities so you can think we'll when they see you. I suppose at least you have the written questions now as it might have been more difficult if they had waited and asked while you're there. But I think you should tell them everything and truthfully so that if they reconfirm no psychosis you'll know that was a right decision. If they don't know anything then they could make a mistake in either direction. I'm still ok by the way. Nothings happened to me . Keep going. It'll be ok.

 

[Tesha]

You're doing fantastically. I'm really impressed with the fighter in you.

You talk about wanting to be believed and not medicated - they're not mutually exclusive. Where possible, they will always take your wishes into account; so if you haven't already, you might want to think about what treatment options you would or would not be prepared to accept.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Using it to vent is just another way to keep us updated and I'm sure many of us are thankful that you are. Keep Going. You got this<3

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Sorry just using this as vent thread now I guess.

Have answered all their questions in writing ready to give to EIP team (psychosis team). Idk how I feel about it . There was question about how I know whether or not to trust my parents (because i'd shared about that with the mH practitioner) which made me feel more paranoid as I don't know how to figure that out.
How can I trust anyone atm?
I'm worried that there's possibility i'll be accepted into the service this time and i really don't want to be. I need someone to believe me not medicate me. Hopefully they'll rule out psychosis and discharge again , that's the outcome I want and have wrote that in my answers.
More confused atm. Struggling with sleep again probably isn't helping. Feel quite distant and maybe dissociated some times idk. Last night i had this feeling and fear that I wasnt me and that I was something that took over and stole my body.

Thats sounds unpleasant. Are you back into your body a bit more again by now?
Vent away! We don't mind

 

[timetodie24]

Thank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).



Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .

@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Thank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).



Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .

@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today

I'm so proud of you! That must have been very hard. I'm so glad you find comfort in talking to us! I don't like you are in pain but I enjoy reading your messages. (Does that sound weird..? I mean it in a nice way )

Personally having the first somewhat better day in a long long time!
I'm glad you feel more grounded, I find dissociation to be uncomfortable!

 

[alltoomuch2]

Thank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).



Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .

@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today.

Thank you so much @alltoomuch2 @Tesha
@opheliaoveragain @UnrulyNightmare for your kind comments just now (but also so many other times) . I really don't deserve it
It honestly means a lot to me that you're all so understanding when I spew my mess all over here. You've all been so patient and empathetic and helps me feel less alone in this. I know you all have enough suffering yourselves, more than me yet are still so kind . I hope you're all doing ok (well as ok as you can be when suicidal).



Feeling quite conflicted about the appointment. But have answered all the written questions as honestly as I can. Including about instructions to ctb on road ( which have only ever shared here) . I've put them in a cupboard under stuff for now and trying to mentally put them away till the appt. As trying to fight the part of me that wants to rip it up .

@UnrulyNightmare yeah thanks I feel more grounded today

I agree with everything that UnrulyNightmare said in that last post. I'm so proud of you doing all that. It's brilliant. You're such a brave fighter you thoroughly deserve to come out of this feeling better. I'm also super glad you're feeling more grounded today. You inspire me tbh. I'm glad you don't mind us commenting on your threads and I'm comforted that my replies help you in some way too. I'm still ok. Nothing bad has happened to me. It'll be ok.

 

[timetodie24]

I'm so proud of you! That must have been very hard. I'm so glad you find comfort in talking to us! I don't like you are in pain but I enjoy reading your messages. (Does that sound weird..? I mean it in a nice way )

Personally having the first somewhat better day in a long long time!
I'm glad you feel more grounded, I find dissociation to be uncomfortable!

I agree with everything that UnrulyNightmare said in that last post. I'm so proud of you doing all that. It's brilliant. You're such a brave fighter you thoroughly deserve to come out of this feeling better. I'm also super glad you're feeling more grounded today. You inspire me tbh. I'm glad you don't mind us commenting on your threads and I'm comforted that my replies help you in some way too. I'm still ok. Nothing bad has happened to me. It'll be ok.

Thank you both it helps more than you know

I hope today is also somewhat better for you @UnrulyNightmare you deserve the break

Thanks but I wouldn't say i'm brave or a fighter @alltoomuch2 just surviving as don't have much choice. And i have been a complete coward throughout all this .
I just complain and moan and got myself into this mess so nothing inspiring from that .


Late last night I pulled a splinter out of my finger but it looked metallic when I pulled it out and was very small so hard to see detail. I dropped it before I could fully investigate it and couldn't find it again. But looking at images of microchips I think it could've been one. Will see if I can find where it went in my carpet today because if it was one then it will be some physical proof that no one can dispute.

 

[alltoomuch2]

Thank you both it helps more than you know

I hope today is also somewhat better for you @UnrulyNightmare you deserve the break

Thanks but I wouldn't say i'm brave or a fighter @alltoomuch2 just surviving as don't have much choice. And i have been a complete coward throughout all this .
I just complain and moan and got myself into this mess so nothing inspiring from that .


Late last night I pulled a splinter out of my finger but it looked metallic when I pulled it out and was very small so hard to see detail. I dropped it before I could fully investigate it and couldn't find it again. But looking at images of microchips I think it could've been one. Will see if I can find where it went in my carpet today because if it was one then it will be some physical proof that no one can dispute.

When you find it you could stick it onto the psychosis teams questionnaire so you don't lose it or forget to take it to your appointment. I don't see your posts as moaning. You're using them to work things out, which is sensible.

 

[timetodie24]

Crumpled up the questionnaire. It's still readable i think but was close to ripping it up and still might. I've shared too much in it, stupid idiot. Can't find the chip so tempted to cut the one out of my foot or ear as proof. Drafted an email to cancel the assessment . It's a stupid idea to go and i cant do it. It's too dangerous i can't trust them. People could die. Why did they change their mind suddenly it makes no sense . It's wasting their time and risking lives.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Crumpled up the questionnaire. It's still readable i think but was close to ripping it up and still might. I've shared too much in it, stupid idiot. Can't find the chip so tempted to cut the one out of my foot or ear as proof. Drafted an email to cancel the assessment . It's a stupid idea to go and i cant do it. It's too dangerous i can't trust them. People could die. Why did they change their mind suddenly it makes no sense . It's wasting their time and risking lives.

No its not. And you're not stupid! You are doing this to find out/prove whats happening. You're not wasting anyone's time.

 

[Whale_bones]

Crumpled up the questionnaire. It's still readable i think but was close to ripping it up and still might. I've shared too much in it, stupid idiot. Can't find the chip so tempted to cut the one out of my foot or ear as proof. Drafted an email to cancel the assessment . It's a stupid idea to go and i cant do it. It's too dangerous i can't trust them. People could die. Why did they change their mind suddenly it makes no sense . It's wasting their time and risking lives.

I wish I could do something to make it not so tough on you. You've been kicking butt so far, and I hope you can keep going.

I think they changed their mind because the nurse communicated what you'd written in your notes, so they have a clearer idea of what to ask you about (instead of focusing on things like mood, which you mentioned they did at the past appt.) Sending you strength

 

[alltoomuch2]

I wish I could do something to make it not so tough on you. You've been kicking butt so far, and I hope you can keep going.

I think they changed their mind because the nurse communicated what you'd written in your notes, so they have a clearer idea of what to ask you about (instead of focusing on things like mood, which you mentioned they did at the past appt.) Sending you strength

I agree. Keep going @timedodie24

 

[timetodie24]

I went to the assessment
Couldn't make it up though what happened. The letter said appointment is at 'your GP practice' (literally that, not the name) so ofc I went to my GP practice. Got a call 5 mins after appt. time asking if I was at ' X health centre' , i said no i'm at 'Y health centre' as it said my GP and that's the one I'm registered at. They were apologetic and said they'd wait. So had to quickly call a taxi and dash to the other health centre.
They were very understanding about how hard it was for me. They asked very little, they just read out my written responses which was awkward to just sit there and listen to .
They didn't indicate whether they thought it was psychosis or not but said they will be offering more appointments. So i guess either they think it is or think it may be and want more info to decide. So i guess either way not ruling it straight out like I hoped.
Relieved it's over but scared about what comes next. It's a relief for someone to know pretty much everything now but then also afraid of the consequences now. Idk what those in control with plan now as punishment. So quite conflicted but sort of glad i did it.

Thanks all for support and encouragement

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I went to the assessment
Couldn't make it up though what happened. The letter said appointment is at 'your GP practice' (literally that, not the name) so ofc I went to my GP practice. Got a call 5 mins after appt. time asking if I was at ' X health centre' , i said no i'm at 'Y health centre' as it said my GP and that's the one I'm registered at. They were apologetic and said they'd wait. So had to quickly call a taxi and dash to the other health centre.
They were very understanding about how hard it was for me. They asked very little, they just read out my written responses which was awkward to just sit there and listen to .
They didn't indicate whether they thought it was psychosis or not but said they will be offering more appointments. So i guess either they think it is or think it may be and want more info to decide. So i guess either way not ruling it straight out like I hoped.
Relieved it's over but scared about what comes next. It's a relief for someone to know pretty much everything now but then also afraid of the consequences now. Idk what those in control with plan now as punishment. So quite conflicted but sort of glad i did it.

Thanks all for support and encouragement

That sounds typical..
Listening to your own answers being read out sounds cringy. But if it works, it works
They might not be sure yet, but they didn't try to medicate you immediately either? I'm glad you feel a bit better about sharing, I can imagine it feels like a relief! When will you know more?

 

[alltoomuch2]

I went to the assessment
Couldn't make it up though what happened. The letter said appointment is at 'your GP practice' (literally that, not the name) so ofc I went to my GP practice. Got a call 5 mins after appt. time asking if I was at ' X health centre' , i said no i'm at 'Y health centre' as it said my GP and that's the one I'm registered at. They were apologetic and said they'd wait. So had to quickly call a taxi and dash to the other health centre.
They were very understanding about how hard it was for me. They asked very little, they just read out my written responses which was awkward to just sit there and listen to .
They didn't indicate whether they thought it was psychosis or not but said they will be offering more appointments. So i guess either they think it is or think it may be and want more info to decide. So i guess either way not ruling it straight out like I hoped.
Relieved it's over but scared about what comes next. It's a relief for someone to know pretty much everything now but then also afraid of the consequences now. Idk what those in control with plan now as punishment. So quite conflicted but sort of glad i did it.

Thanks all for support and encouragement

Omg well done you for getting there despite everything! That sounds good that they were understanding and are having more appointments with you. I don't know why all the mental health workers don't ask us to write stuff down before we go. It's much easier than telling them and certainly for me, it makes sure I don't forget anything. Never had ALL of my stuff read back to me though - just the bits they needs clarification. But still, it saves you being put on the spot at the time and having to make rapid decisions. So far so good. I'm glad it's a bit of a relief for you - I can understand that. It's a heavy burden you've been coping with all this time. I'm still fine. No repercussions here. All good. Hope you get some rest tonight. You deserve it. x

 

[timetodie24]

That sounds typical..
Listening to your own answers being read out sounds cringy. But if it works, it works
They might not be sure yet, but they didn't try to medicate you immediately either? I'm glad you feel a bit better about sharing, I can imagine it feels like a relief! When will you know more?

Omg well done you for getting there despite everything! That sounds good that they were understanding and are having more appointments with you. I don't know why all the mental health workers don't ask us to write stuff down before we go. It's much easier than telling them and certainly for me, it makes sure I don't forget anything. Never had ALL of my stuff read back to me though - just the bits they needs clarification. But still, it saves you being put on the spot at the time and having to make rapid decisions. So far so good. I'm glad it's a bit of a relief for you - I can understand that. It's a heavy burden you've been coping with all this time. I'm still fine. No repercussions here. All good. Hope you get some rest tonight. You deserve it. x

Thank you both

Yeah I wasn't surprised by their error tbh , it wasn't far to the other centre luckily.
The reading out bit was just because there was 2 nurses to save them both taking turns to read silently. They did give me option of how they read it but i thought that was easiest and quickest way for them but i immediately regretted my decision when she was reading it like a story . Yeah I agree they should give it an option for all MH appts. even if people don't want to write it down, it can be helpful to know what to expect.

No medication and they can't prescribe as were both MH nurses. They did ask how I feel about meds but they said it's not a definite I'll need them, they just wanted to get an idea of my opinion first.
They said the letter would be sent out pretty quick since they want to see me next week so guess I might here more in a few days

 

[timetodie24]

sorry i'm sure you all don't want to hear about every appointment and inconvenience . Just venting so please feel free to ignore . If you find me annoying pls just block.

So i had 2nd session with private psychologist today. I told her about EIP(early intervention in psychosis team) appointment yesterday and a bit about why I was referred. After yesterday, i couldn't go telling another person everything. So i told her about the voices and rules, that my family/friends were in danger because I lived too long. I couldn't tell her about the surveillance and control and that she's in danger yet.
I've decided to put her sessions on hold as it's too much with the psychosis team too now. So going to see what happens with them then get back in contact with her and decide on whether to have more sessions. She said she can work with them if I wanted and liaise. But tbh i'm glad I'm not seeing her again for now though as she doesn't believe me. She said she knows it feels real but that it's not because voices can't have that power. She said that she thinks some of my thoughts sound like OCD and that my brain is very unwell and getting confused so processing them as voices. She didnt say whether she thinks it's psychosis but did say she thinks EIP could help me. But she doesn't understand the powers the system has and I couldn't tell her that. She was empathetic but she doesn't get it. EIP said they could help me with protecting people at least although i know they don't truly believe me either since they seem to be leaning to psychosis.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

sorry i'm sure you all don't want to hear about every appointment and inconvenience . Just venting so please feel free to ignore . If you find me annoying pls just block.

So i had 2nd session with private psychologist today. I told her about EIP(early intervention in psychosis team) appointment yesterday and a bit about why I was referred. After yesterday, i couldn't go telling another person everything. So i told her about the voices and rules, that my family/friends were in danger because I lived too long. I couldn't tell her about the surveillance and control and that she's in danger yet.
I've decided to put her sessions on hold as it's too much with the psychosis team too now. So going to see what happens with them then get back in contact with her and decide on whether to have more sessions. She said she can work with them if I wanted and liaise. But tbh i'm glad I'm not seeing her again for now though as she doesn't believe me. She said she knows it feels real but that it's not because voices can't have that power. She said that she thinks some of my thoughts sound like OCD and that my brain is very unwell and getting confused so processing them as voices. She didnt say whether she thinks it's psychosis but did say she thinks EIP could help me. But she doesn't understand the powers the system has and I couldn't tell her that. She was empathetic but she doesn't get it. EIP said they could help me with protecting people at least although i know they don't truly believe me either since they seem to be leaning to psychosis.

Never annoying.

I'm sorry it isn't what you hoped for..!
Getting OCD confused with voices sounds... confusing... to me, but then again, I didn't study psychology..
Good of you to tell her at least a lot of what's going on. And I get wanting to wait until you hear back from the EIP.

It can be hard for others to understand what people like us are going through, let alone what's happening to you! It might take some time to get them to fully understand..

How are you doing today?

 

[Tesha]

Playing catch up….

All I can say is feck me, you've got grit and determination. Well done for talking / sharing what's going on for you.

So, it didn't go quite as well as you thought, but you also didn't end up medicated or in hospital. So overall not horrendous I'm guessing. I also hope nothing bad happened to people you care about.

I need a little piece of your strength at the moment.

 

[alltoomuch2]

sorry i'm sure you all don't want to hear about every appointment and inconvenience . Just venting so please feel free to ignore . If you find me annoying pls just block.

So i had 2nd session with private psychologist today. I told her about EIP(early intervention in psychosis team) appointment yesterday and a bit about why I was referred. After yesterday, i couldn't go telling another person everything. So i told her about the voices and rules, that my family/friends were in danger because I lived too long. I couldn't tell her about the surveillance and control and that she's in danger yet.
I've decided to put her sessions on hold as it's too much with the psychosis team too now. So going to see what happens with them then get back in contact with her and decide on whether to have more sessions. She said she can work with them if I wanted and liaise. But tbh i'm glad I'm not seeing her again for now though as she doesn't believe me. She said she knows it feels real but that it's not because voices can't have that power. She said that she thinks some of my thoughts sound like OCD and that my brain is very unwell and getting confused so processing them as voices. She didnt say whether she thinks it's psychosis but did say she thinks EIP could help me. But she doesn't understand the powers the system has and I couldn't tell her that. She was empathetic but she doesn't get it. EIP said they could help me with protecting people at least although i know they don't truly believe me either since they seem to be leaning to psychosi

sorry i'm sure you all don't want to hear about every appointment and inconvenience . Just venting so please feel free to ignore . If you find me annoying pls just block.

So i had 2nd session with private psychologist today. I told her about EIP(early intervention in psychosis team) appointment yesterday and a bit about why I was referred. After yesterday, i couldn't go telling another person everything. So i told her about the voices and rules, that my family/friends were in danger because I lived too long. I couldn't tell her about the surveillance and control and that she's in danger yet.
I've decided to put her sessions on hold as it's too much with the psychosis team too now. So going to see what happens with them then get back in contact with her and decide on whether to have more sessions. She said she can work with them if I wanted and liaise. But tbh i'm glad I'm not seeing her again for now though as she doesn't believe me. She said she knows it feels real but that it's not because voices can't have that power. She said that she thinks some of my thoughts sound like OCD and that my brain is very unwell and getting confused so processing them as voices. She didnt say whether she thinks it's psychosis but did say she thinks EIP could help me. But she doesn't understand the powers the system has and I couldn't tell her that. She was empathetic but she doesn't get it. EIP said they could help me with protecting people at least although i know they don't truly believe me either since they seem to be leaning to psychosis.

Good decision pausing the private psychologist. Tbh, all the counsellors and other MH people I've dealt with have always refused to work with me if I'm under the care of another team at the time. I think it's an ethical/code of practice thing. You're doing so well, and you are never annoying. I'm still fine. Nothing bad has or is happening to me. All safe. Keep it up!