Help tips to regulate my emotions when partner splits? urgent😊

[lovelulu]

I promised her I would research and try to understand and help her with her bpd, but with my own mental problems—my emotions really get in the way. But I won't let that stop me from trying. I really need tips to help me regulate my own emotions and how to deal with accusations coming from her whilst she splits.

 

[avstin]

and what are the mental problems on ur side? do you react to her splits with anger, sadness, or something else?

 

[lovelulu]

and what are the mental problems on ur side? do you react to her splits with anger, sadness, or something else?

anger, I take my anger out on myself usually though.

 

[avstin]

anger, I take my anger out on myself usually though.

if we are talking about where things happen online, e.g. you are texting or talking on the phone - ignore her. the worst thing you can do in such a situation is to get involved, because it's like talking to a wall honestly, nothing gets through. in person, it's best to do the same. unfortunately, I know it can be difficult face-to-face, but you both need to work on it. borderline is not an excuse for treating your partner like crap and it's coming from someone with bpd. I recommend going for walks to regulate yourself. in public places, it's harder to hurt yourself, and it's better to hit a tree than yourself - worked for me, just walking around for hours till I get too tired to actually act on any anger. but if you can, I recommend therapy. it's very difficult to understand the entire mechanism of BPD on your own, let alone learn to cope with it.

 

[lovelulu]

if we are talking about where things happen online, e.g. you are texting or talking on the phone - ignore her. the worst thing you can do in such a situation is to get involved, because it's like talking to a wall honestly, nothing gets through. in person, it's best to do the same. unfortunately, I know it can be difficult face-to-face, but you both need to work on it. borderline is not an excuse for treating your partner like crap and it's coming from someone with bpd. I recommend going for walks to regulate yourself. in public places, it's harder to hurt yourself, and it's better to hit a tree than yourself - worked for me, just walking around for hours till I get too tired to actually act on any anger. but if you can, I recommend therapy. it's very difficult to understand the entire mechanism of BPD on your own, let alone learn to cope with it.

Thank you, that was helpful—I appreciate it. And yes, its online for now. I asked her if she needed to cool down but she hasn't responded yet. Was that a bad or good question to ask her in the moment?

 

[avstin]

Thank you, that was helpful—I appreciate it. And yes, its online for now. I asked her if she needed to cool down but she hasn't responded yet. Was that a bad or good question to ask her in the moment?

good:) the best you can do is give her some space to do so. and remember, do not feel responsible for her emotional state in any way, because unfortunately it is not your role to help her with bpd. I wish you two all the best tho

 

[lovelulu]

good:) the best you can do is give her some space to do so. and remember, do not feel responsible for her emotional state in any way, because unfortunately it is not your role to help her with bpd. I wish you two all the best tho

Okay, thank you for the help! I really appreciate it.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'd regulate my emotions with benzos but I'm not in your situation so it's maybe bot a good answer. Anyway, I hope things will get better for you

 

[4colliez]

its nice that you're trying to learn/research, but as someone who has bpd she has her own responsibility in regulating her own emotions too? i say this as respectfully as possible but you shouldn't have to handle accusations and anything else coming from her, its ON HER.

i'm not good with emotional regulation either but imo you should remove yourself from the situation when that happens. take care of yourself, do something you enjoy, go on a walk.. it seems like you're just having an emotional response to what is happening which is normal