Venting Am I horrible for feeling this way?

[Ilovemycats]

Lately I've been thinking about my relationship with my girlfriend. We both have some issues and I'm prone to helping her much more then helping myself. But lately it feels exhausting to be honest, it's always me that has to comfort her and reassure her with literally everything. And even when I do want to vent to her or something, I can't because A - she'll start crying because she becomes scared of me ctb and then I have to comfort her. Or B - she is having her own spiral which makes me push my own issues away to not be a burden to her.

I know that my reluctance to actually open up and share about my problems also plays a key role here but I just can't do it. I also know that she has it worse then me with being sick and having mental issues. (She even took a month long break from school.) And the fact that everyone reactes differently to some issues then me. But it just makes me want to ctb even more, and the fact that I've been feeling really bad about everything lately doesn't help.

I've been even thinking about breaking it off with her but at the other hand I know that it would be a bad idea. She is too attached to me and we do almost everything together. We even share the same friend group. So even if I would tell that I rather be friends, it wouldn't be the same anymore and I know for sure that it would make her issues and self image just worse. But I also don't even know if I love her as a partner or just friend.. it makes me feel horrible even more because it feels like i'm lying to her when I say that I love her. We are already a year and a half together and I just can't see it getting better.

I just feel stuck to be honest..

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I feel like you should just be honest and open about how you feel. Try to share your feelings with her in a gentle approach, and tell her how you would like her to be there for you too. Because relationships are a two way street and should never be one sided. If she can't accept how you feel or is unwilling to change the relationship simply won't work out. Good
communication, honesty and understanding is vital for a relationship to be healthy and work out. And without those things the relationship is doomed to fail, and I had to learn this myself the hard way.

 

[maki]

it may seem harsh but i think you should pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do what feels right.

 

[bpdscared9]

I'm going through the same thing, OP. You can contact me so we can talk a bit further about this if you wish.

This is really tough, even worse when they become codependent on you and you're already tired and drained, and I feel awful sometimes about it but I learnt is inevitable when you offer so much without having the same in return from the other person, although they're mentally unstable like us, they should be able to reciprocate that and reassure you. The CTB part is very, very tough, Imc she knows I'm gonna CTB in a couple of years but I can attempt in any moment and always having the same conversation, hurt them and putting them through the discomfort of not knowing if you're gonna leave them makes things worse. I totally get it.

However, my advice for you is speak up your needs, tell her how you truly feel and she doesn't want to change or don't do anything to improve the relationship, you should consider the break up because you're unfortunately just losing time, draining yourself and hurting yourself for someone who's not even half of trying for you like you do for them, OP. Stay safe!