Discussion BPD and Relationships.

[bpdscared9]

Hello folks, it's me again.

This time, I wanted to discuss a very persistent BPD symptom I go through in almost every relationship (despite of trying to heal and work hard on changing that), I was curious about how people or you deal with the tough feelings when your idealization or a split breaks for a second over your partner's behavior.

Yesterday, very childish of me, we were joking around about certain things and one of them it was the fact that my girlfriend listens to "Girlfriend ASMR" constantly, obviously I would understand if it was because she struggles with insomnia or other issues but we sleep regularly on the phone, I always offer her reassurance and affection and although I struggle with communication, I try my best. Our relationship hasn't been the best in the year we have together (since we met) but this time, I felt awfully uncomfortable and betrayed because I know she listen to this to feel "loved" and I feel deeply like I'm lacking something as a partner. Despite of all of my efforts of being the "perfect" girlfriend, it may be very childish and stupid for some but it really affected me at the point that I visibly splitted on her and I haven't been able to fully express my feelings to her. Usually in my case takes me at least three days to regulate and "go back to be normal".

So, I was really curious about how all of you deal with these "insecurities" over yourself and your partner behavior!

 

[untothedepths]

im not for sure for sure if i have bpd, so sorry if i come off as an imposter (i just have all the fucking symptoms, thats all) but yeah i get like that too. especially with 'friendships'. oh BOY do i love it when i tell myself im just getting anxiety and my 'friendships' fall apart, usually due to interpersonal drama or i pissed them off for some petty reason. its gotten to the point where i just push people away/i stay away. because when shit happens i get anxiety to the point my thoughts of self harm turn into urges i physically ache from until its resolved. fun shit

 

[bpdscared9]

im not for sure for sure if i have bpd, so sorry if i come off as an imposter (i just have all the fucking symptoms, thats all) but yeah i get like that too. especially with 'friendships'. oh BOY do i love it when i tell myself im just getting anxiety and my 'friendships' fall apart, usually due to interpersonal drama or i pissed them off for some petty reason. its gotten to the point where i just push people away/i stay away. because when shit happens i get anxiety to the point my thoughts of self harm turn into urges i physically ache from until its resolved. fun shit

I relate a lot to you. This happened to me when I was a teenager, I lost so many relationships and friendships due my unstable brain. Not to mention the amount of weight I used to put over them with my problems back in the day and stuff. My best friend helped me a lot going through them as we got older and older. My advice for you is trying to identify in which area you are failing (which you are doing and that's excellent) and try to correct that with the time and research. We weren't able to afford therapy because we were really young but there's many books, documentaries and podcasts now to help you and go through the symptoms.

However, about this specific one, I haven't been able to go along with. Not even with therapy, it's awful and hurtful for everyone.