LavĂnia
plalace
- Feb 19, 2024
- 171
I'm in a slump, again. Finally I'm falling apart again, I was very calm, I was doing very well. The whole day gave me flashes, colorless cynical blinks calling me, making me want to sink. I'm going to sink, I'm going to bathe in this misery, because that's what I can do, I'm the best at it, I know how to feel and store agony. That's my best ability.
It's hard to work seriously, knowing that all of this is only temporary. This state, breathing, with movements and desires, soon I'll die and bye bye.
I'm back to lying.
I'm back to cutting myself.
I'm back to giving up on more and more things.
And I'm back to looking for problems, to bury them more.
I don't give a damn. So what if they like me, so what if they're going to be sad, so what if they need me. I just want to die soon, I want to rip my throat out. I want to bite my wrists, pull and burst my veins while vomiting blood. I want to scream, I want to destroy everything that has my image, every ignorant face of that stupid child who thought was happy. I could never put effort into things that end, and everything ends, I'm going to end so what the fuck does it matter. I gave up again, I'm just going to look for a way to die now, that's all.
It's hard to work seriously, knowing that all of this is only temporary. This state, breathing, with movements and desires, soon I'll die and bye bye.
I'm back to lying.
I'm back to cutting myself.
I'm back to giving up on more and more things.
And I'm back to looking for problems, to bury them more.
I don't give a damn. So what if they like me, so what if they're going to be sad, so what if they need me. I just want to die soon, I want to rip my throat out. I want to bite my wrists, pull and burst my veins while vomiting blood. I want to scream, I want to destroy everything that has my image, every ignorant face of that stupid child who thought was happy. I could never put effort into things that end, and everything ends, I'm going to end so what the fuck does it matter. I gave up again, I'm just going to look for a way to die now, that's all.
