This is it now

[bessops1976]

Today I am taking my life by carbon monoxide. I was orginiallly going to seal my bathroom, then I considered using my car, but today I decided to use a tent which I purchased earlier. Just doing a few last minute chores (not that they matter now) then I'll be lighting the charcoal and waiting for the flames to settle then transfer to the tent.

I want to take a bath first, strange but it feels important to freshen up then I guess I'm ready to depart this life. My working day doesn't officially end until 4.30pm, it's 3.45 as I write this but I've worked from home today giving me the flexibility to make my preparations.

My only sadness is leaving my cat, she's registered with a charity who take cats after their owners pass. She's 14 years old, I hope someone will adopt her.

I have written a delayed email, I won't be missed until I don't show for work on Monday and that feels too long. I have delayed it until tomorrow lunch time. By then I should have passed.

I spent a lot of time on here lately reading others posts and making a few myself. It feels strange to know it's me making my farewell post to a bunch of strangers.

So this is my goodbye, to people I don't even know in a forum that barely knew me!

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I wish you the best of luck with your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[AnonGermany]

Hey man, i am sending you all the energy you need for this next big step in front of you. May you find what you are looking for and travel with inner peace.

 

[Kerrtu]

My only sadness is leaving my cat, she's registered with a charity who take cats after their owners pass. She's 14 years old, I hope someone will adopt her.

My sister fosters animals and she currently has two senior cats who we call the golden girls; they are bonded and can barely see, but they're together

I hope not only you find peace, but that your cat is fostered and/or adopted

It's not easy to say goodbye to animals - good on you for registering her with a charity.

 

[bessops1976]

My sister fosters animals and she currently has two senior cats who we call the golden girls; they are bonded and can barely see, but they're together

I hope not only you find peace, but that your cat is fostered and/or adopted

It's not easy to say goodbye to animals - good on you for registering her with a charity.

I couldn't leave her without putting something in place....

Charcoal is nicely burning now. I hope it all takes though as I'm burning about 3kg of it

 

[アホペンギン]

Farewell, I hope you find the peace you have been searching for. Sending you strength!

Hopefully your cat can find a home..

I couldn't leave her without putting something in place....

Charcoal is nicely burning now. I hope it all takes though as I'm burning about 3kg of it

Good luck.

 

[Pizarnikishere]

Good look, I hope your suffering ends and you can have the peace you need. Have a good trip dude

 

[Larysa]

I'm so sorry that you've reached this extremely hard place, @bessops1976. I hope it doesn't feel intrusive, but I didn't know your story so I had a look some of your previous posts. You have been through so much

I'm also in the UK, and agree the MH support is a disgrace.

Thinking of you.

 

[draekmir]

I hope you find peace and happiness

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace, safe travels and good luck!

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

Today I am taking my life by carbon monoxide. I was orginiallly going to seal my bathroom, then I considered using my car, but today I decided to use a tent which I purchased earlier. Just doing a few last minute chores (not that they matter now) then I'll be lighting the charcoal and waiting for the flames to settle then transfer to the tent.

I want to take a bath first, strange but it feels important to freshen up then I guess I'm ready to depart this life. My working day doesn't officially end until 4.30pm, it's 3.45 as I write this but I've worked from home today giving me the flexibility to make my preparations.

My only sadness is leaving my cat, she's registered with a charity who take cats after their owners pass. She's 14 years old, I hope someone will adopt her.

I have written a delayed email, I won't be missed until I don't show for work on Monday and that feels too long. I have delayed it until tomorrow lunch time. By then I should have passed.

I spent a lot of time on here lately reading others posts and making a few myself. It feels strange to know it's me making my farewell post to a bunch of strangers.

So this is my goodbye, to people I don't even know in a forum that barely knew me!

Wishing you best of luck and a smooth transition.
I sincerely hope that you are able to find the peace that you need.

 

[snowcloud9]

Good luck, I wish you well!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. I hope you find peace.

 

[Larysa]

If anything went wrong, @bessops1976, do please come back and talk to us. This shit is unpredictable and hard.

 

[SVEN]

Best wishes in falling asleep peacefully and achieving gentle rest.

 

[spacehardware]

Thoughts are with you @bessops1976 hope that bus journey is smooth.

 

[pictures]

I wish you luck hope you find peace

 

[not_telling]

Sorry it has come to that. I hope you find the peace you're looking for. And these people might barely know you, but they all know some bit of what you feel, and definitely they'll all be whishing you a comfortable ride on the bus. You made a difference, OP.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Good luck!

 

[bluebus]

I am sorry that life has brought you here. I'm not sure what you've been through, but I know it's a lot of pain. I wish life could have been kinder to you. I hope that your journey is swift and peaceful. Sending you love, bb

 

[Mvrd3rz]

I hope you finally find the peace you deserve.

 

[bessops1976]

It failed. My first attempt the co must have been so high within minutes of being in the tent I seriously struggled to breathe and SI took over so I abandoned. I went back in about an hour later, after about another hour (I was losing track of time) it induced a severe drunk like state, I was feeling weak and a severe headache took over. I couldn't stay so I got out but I was so unsteady I fell and gashed my knee. I managed to get back into the house, I could barely walk so laid on the sofa while things settled. I felt sick and so weak.. not only do I still feel a bit weak physically I feel such a failure. I should have tried to stick it out longer but I couldn't. I don't know what to do now

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you failed and SI disturbed you so much. Failing sucks but you are not a failure. It's such a difficult task to CTB.

Should you still have the desire to CTB I suggest you read this thread:

Leaving tonight

I'm currently eating my (hopefully) last meal -pasta followed by a vegan ice cream sundae- at a jazz bar above a little independent cinema near the location I picked. Today I will start my BBQ probably around 11 o'clock UK time and hope to be dead by the early hours. Within a couple of days my...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Pizarnikishere]

It failed. My first attempt the co must have been so high within minutes of being in the tent I seriously struggled to breathe and SI took over so I abandoned. I went back in about an hour later, after about another hour (I was losing track of time) it induced a severe drunk like state, I was feeling weak and a severe headache took over. I couldn't stay so I got out but I was so unsteady I fell and gashed my knee. I managed to get back into the house, I could barely walk so laid on the sofa while things settled. I felt sick and so weak.. not only do I still feel a bit weak physically I feel such a failure. I should have tried to stick it out longer but I couldn't. I don't know what to do now

I'm very sorry that it happened like this, I hope you can feel better soon, in whatever way. Take care of yourself

 

[bessops1976]

I've been left with significant aches and pains since this attempt, my legs are aching the most, the headache has mostly subsided. I didn't plan on having to face the new work week, I'm not sure I can. I might need to consider partial hanging, I tried it once before and I found it too hard to figure out. I'm too frightened for full suspension despite seeing multiple videos where unconsciousness sets in a whole lot quicker than the carbon monoxide appeared to have. I have hundreds and hundreds of prescribed meds, overdoses rarely succeed. I tried a lithium mixed overdose once before, it was very unpleasant. Much more torturous than hanging or carbon monoxide. I have very little left in me...

 

[turntechGodhead]

i hope u find the peace u deserve in the nothingness away from everything on this planet may u find the miracles u hv always needed in the afterlife

 

[jellukisa]

I've been left with significant aches and pains since this attempt, my legs are aching the most, the headache has mostly subsided. I didn't plan on having to face the new work week, I'm not sure I can. I might need to consider partial hanging, I tried it once before and I found it too hard to figure out. I'm too frightened for full suspension despite seeing multiple videos where unconsciousness sets in a whole lot quicker than the carbon monoxide appeared to have. I have hundreds and hundreds of prescribed meds, overdoses rarely succeed. I tried a lithium mixed overdose once before, it was very unpleasant. Much more torturous than hanging or carbon monoxide. I have very little left in me...

well, i hope whatever you choose to do works out for you :)

 

[bessops1976]

Can carbon monoxide poisoning cause delayed eye pain. Excruciating pain behind my left eye nearly 24 hours after this attempt - any idea?

 

[absolutelyyou]

Can carbon monoxide poisoning cause delayed eye pain. Excruciating pain behind my left eye nearly 24 hours after this attempt - any idea?

Yes carbon monoxide poisoning can very specifically cause eye issues and can present at the time of poisoning all the way up till months later:

https://journal.opted.org/articles/Volume38_Number3_CarbonMonoxide.pdf

Delayed visual disturbances in carbon monoxide poisoning: Identification and evaluation - PubMed

These findings support that CO poisoning can result in visual pathology. Of clinical importance, some of these abnormalities may be responsive to rehabilitative interventions. Specialized visual evaluation and testing should be an integral aspect of care in CO-poisoned patients with visual...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[Larysa]

How are you doing today, @bessops1976?