Thinking about public self-immolation.

[ExitStageLeft]

Do I have this correct: You got in trouble with the law at 14 and it's still on your record 17 years later?

Yes. It isn't an expungeable offense.

And my entire life has been shaped by my inability to deal with it: living in the shadows, shunning human contact, living in the margins of my own home, monstrous depression, underdeveloped life skills, because I never knew what would be useful to learn and what would be a waste of time. Last hired, first fired. Always.

I hate it. Absolutely more than anything, I hate it. And while I certainly can blame myself and I do, I can also blame a civilization which knows of no better way to deal with its unwanteds.

I am intelligent and, in other circumstances, in a different life, would have been capable. My loss is everyone else's loss.

 

[JSauter]

Yes. It isn't an expungeable offense.

And my entire life has been shaped by my inability to deal with it: living in the shadows, shunning human contact, living in the margins of my own home, monstrous depression, underdeveloped life skills, because I never knew what would be useful to learn and what would be a waste of time. Last hired, first fired. Always.

I hate it. Absolutely more than anything, I hate it. And while I certainly can blame myself and I do, I can also blame a civilization which knows of no better way to deal with its unwanteds.

Forgive my prying, but I cannot fathom a state in the union that does not have a law on the books allowing an expungement of a DUI from a 14 year old. Not that I don't believe you, but it's hard to conceive. Was there an associated charge? Just drunk driving? Do you mind me asking what state this was in?

 

[ExitStageLeft]

It isn't the DUI I am talking about. That I got six years ago.

 

[JSauter]

Gotcha.

 

[faust]

It seems to me that some people of this system may understand only riots.
XXI century but you still need to start a riot to be heard...

 

[ExitStageLeft]

It seems to me that some people of this system may understand only riots.
XXI century but you still need to start a riot to be heard...

If there is a riot, it is my intention to get myself killed in it.... assuming that I can even get to it.

 

[faust]

If there is a riot, it is my intention to get myself killed in it.... assuming that I can even get to it.

Years ago I wanted to die at war or riot. Maybe my life would mean something then...

 

[ExitStageLeft]

Years ago I wanted to die at war or riot. Maybe my life would mean something then...

It still can.

Get out into your community if you can. You aren't *stigmatized* like I am. If the riots come, jump into them with all the fury you can muster.

 

[BlackPoppet]

My father burned himself alive in our back yard as he siphoned gasoline from his truck to his car. I'd like to do the same now, but I want to do it publicly. I'd like in particular to send a message to the judicial system.

My father burned himself alive in our back yard as he siphoned gasoline from his truck to his car. I'd like to do the same now, but I want to do it publicly. I'd like in particular to send a message to the judicial system.

Burning yourself alive is one of the worst and most painful ways to go!

 

[faust]

It still can.

Get out into your community if you can. You aren't *stigmatized* like I am. If the riots come, jump into them with all the fury you can muster.

Hopefully, I will have been dead by the time the riots start.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Yes. It isn't an expungeable offense.

And my entire life has been shaped by my inability to deal with it: living in the shadows, shunning human contact, living in the margins of my own home, monstrous depression, underdeveloped life skills, because I never knew what would be useful to learn and what would be a waste of time. Last hired, first fired. Always.

I hate it. Absolutely more than anything, I hate it. And while I certainly can blame myself and I do, I can also blame a civilization which knows of no better way to deal with its unwanteds.

I am intelligent and, in other circumstances, in a different life, would have been capable. My loss is everyone else's loss.

Hugs going out to you.

 

[ExitStageLeft]

If there is *anyone* in the Saint Louis, MO region, or anyone in the Midwest generally, who is ready to go, I am.

I have no money. I can contribute nothing. The cost would be entirely on you. I cannot travel to you. I cannot get a room. I can do nothing.

I am sorry my life is such a shambles that I cannot even kill myself properly.

I have one two-pound container of sodium nitrite and a box of Tagamet. I am one hundred percent ready. The *only thing* is that I do not want to do it here, at my place, around my family.

If you are, at all, hesitant, then don't do it. If you're concerned about survivability, don't do it. If you're worried that I am erratic or potentially dangerous - guilty of the former; being increasingly forced by circumstance into the latter - don't do it. I am going to ensure that I do not survive. But I will either do it in comfortable surroundings - a clean hotel room, or a stranger's home, with someone who will hear the whole story out - or I will burn myself alive.

Don't want to hurt anyone. Just want to be able to assert even the most marginal form of autonomy.

 

[Heartsick Traveler]

I got the SN. But I don't want to do it at home. And now, thanks to Glorious Leader, it's looking like home is the only place to do it in (the pandemic itself, while doubtless serious and requiring social controls, is going to be used to enforce structural adjustments while preserving capitalism- a massive reduction of the living standards and quality of life of the working-class, bought off with temporary UBI and tax credit measures, to reduce pollution, complexity of control, etc; you're being conditioned to accept 19th century living standards for Malthusian reasons that aren't real.).

The whole thing is capitalism, from the way criminals like yours truly are treated to the structure of transportation to the very capacity to end life voluntarily under the conditions of one's own choosing. I hate it. I'd rather be a feudal peasant, with a life expectancy of forty.

I have to die. And I have to die because of the particular structure of this society and my reactions to it. I cannot acclimate. I want to die. I would like to do it in a clean hotel room.

But yes, 90% of all of our problems relate to the mode of production, whether you are poor and criminalized or wealthy and alienated from yourself.

Even the states now imposing "shelter in place" plans allow for personal (solo) exercise outdoors. Find a beautiful spot in nature where you might take an uninterrupted nap and follow the SN directions meticulously. Don't torture yourself needlessly as a human torch. You deserve better. Peace.

 

[LastRide]

Like what?

What if you did a long suspension drop from somewhere in full sight of the town hall or some place where there a lot of politicians who will see it, with a huge sign tagged to your body stating why you did what you did and accusing the judicial system? Long drop hanging is fast and painless since you'll break your neck (look it up on the megathread to calculate length of drop needed for bodyweight, position of the knot etc.), you don't seem to have any SI since you're ready to set yourself alight, so this method might work for you and still get the point across you're trying to make ! Just a suggestion....I'm honestly trying to help.

 

[Forever Wandering]

My father burned himself alive in our back yard as he siphoned gasoline from his truck to his car. I'd like to do the same now, but I want to do it publicly. I'd like in particular to send a message to the judicial system.

Bro keep your dignity. That's a terrible way to go out

 

[applegreenicecream]

You've ignored everything else I said. If you burn yourself, no one will care or pay attention. It's carona 24/7. You won't even be a side note.

Sadly true.

 

[color_me_gone]

You need to join a cult, like the ones Jim Jones and David Koresh started.
Those people will accept you as you are, and they also reject society.
They will treat you nicely, and provide your basic needs, both physical and social.
They will protect you from the government's reach.
Sure, it will probably end badly, but suicide en-mass makes a much bigger statement than snuffing yourself.

Your grammar and communications skills are excellent.
It's hard to believe you dropped out of high school.
You must do a lot of reading, as your mind is sharp.
Yes, you are intelligent! <<<Hugs>>>

 

[MartyByrde]

What is NEET?

 

[Travis Pickle]

What is NEET?

Not in employment, education, or training.

 

[MartyByrde]

Not in employment, education, or training.

Thx