Thank you for your lovely reply.
I think you have just taught me a valuable lesson, and I will try to be much more considerade in the future.
I did not witness any acts of unkindness towards the user, apart from the suggestion they were under 18, which in my opinion can hardly be called unkind. But you are absolutely right, maybe that person is hurting and a simple thing like questioning their age adds to their distress. Furthermore, I agree with what you wrote: if a member is under 18, then that's all the more reason to handle with care. Good point!
I was wrong, and I am glad you took the time to show me my error, Quarks!
Thank you for your lovely reply.
I think you have just taught me a valuable lesson, and I will try to be much more considerade in the future.
I did not witness any acts of unkindness towards the user, apart from the suggestion they were under 18, which in my opinion can hardly be called unkind. But you are absolutely right, maybe that person is hurting and a simple thing like questioning their age adds to their distress. Furthermore, I agree with what you wrote: if a member is under 18, then that's all the more reason to handle with care. Good point!
I was wrong, and I am glad you took the time to show me my error, Quarks!
I recognize I was out of line when I made that post. I posted in reaction rather than reflection. I've learned from it, and am now moving forward with the intention to apply that knowledge and do better.
I did an irritating human thing: I picked out one thing I noticed rather than taking in the whole of what was being posted. In part, I couldn't offer what the OP needed, so I instead went after something else, and the OP felt negated. I've noticed when others do the same thing, now I've noticed it about myself, so the lesson got more personal, which is always an uncomfortable moment that, fortunately, leads to rewards when I'm willing to face it, own it, and improve. Then I'm better for both myself and others (Marcus Aurelius, right?). But that happens a lot, I think, when learning about human behavior -- first noticing what we don't like externally, when others do it, then becoming aware about the self in the same way. Always uncomfortable, always valuable.
I personally don't take on that I should be more gentle because someone on the forum might be underage. Adult behavior should be allowed in adult spaces. I liken it to when I didn't like the behavior in bars -- the environment is a place where certain behaviors that go along with alcohol consumption are permitted because it's a place for alcohol consumption, so I realized that if I don't like the behaviors, I needed to remove myself from the environment, not rail at the environment for being what it is, or at those who act permissibly within it. It was I who didn't belong.
But for me, this situation was only peripherally, if at all, about adult behavior in an adult space. What I recognized is that I need to be aware when I'm triggered by other people being triggered and, also, when it's just better to keep my observations to myself. In this particular situation, it would have been better to be more self-aware and reflective, and to have kept my observation to myself. So, I don't want minors in a place for adults, because then I have to watch myself out of respect for them when I should be able to be free of that by definition of an adult space, but I needed to handle it differently and just focus on what came up for me and work with myself until I was in a place where I could appropriately respond or just move away from the thread altogether.
