Discussion The desired circumstances of death and discovery

[7@vuse99]

Hi

I'm pretty young, 19, but I have attempted before. I have been fascinated for years by how I want to die, not just my dying but everything after.

I'm a uni student and stay in a small apartment near my university. When I die everything needs to be just right. Everything must be swept and mopped and scrubbed to perfection. There must be no dirty dishes. The bin must be emptied. The should be no food of any kind left over at all after using it responsibly. The cupboards will be wiped down and neatly packed. The last load of laundry must have finished. I might just neatly pack my clothes into suitcases to make it easier for everyone else later. All hygiene and cleaning products must be finished. My meds must run out, my writing books must be filled, and my pens must run out.
I want my death to do as little damage as a death can do. I don't want to be found because of the smell, and people feel like they've walked into infested trash. I can't bear the thought of being found in a humiliating situation and I live alone so it would be a while before others would realize.
Am I alone in feeling this way? I know it is nearly impossible to achieve but I find that it does have some motivating forces. It leaves you with a fuck ton of time to empty out your life doing things you love like the sketchbook and pencil set cant be given away bc you need to use it up . It may take many months to get that all right for me.

What does through your thoughts when you think about the after ctb situation...?

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, it could never really matter to me whatever happens in this world after I'm gone as I simply won't be there to see it, people die everyday and death is the most normal thing that's completely inevitable, we all have to die somewhere someday. But it's understandable wanting to make sure that everything is as tidy as possible, as I imagine that tidying with everything sorted out might make people feel more calmer and at peace with finally leaving. I wish you the best with your plans.