Venting The age when you first seriously consider CTB.

[Sunset Limited]

I don't remember exactly, maybe between 18-20. Now 47. If I had left at that time, I wouldn't have had to suffer another 27 years of this BS existence. 27 years of shitty and useless time.

How old were you when you first really wanted CTB?

 

[Hystearical]

20

 

[ferrie]

I was 12, now almost 24

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

18...20. Now 57.

 

[lostintheloop]

I think I was 12. I'm now 23

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Early 20's. 34 now. But I've always been depressed. I just told myself it would get better.

Spoiler: It didn't.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I was 11

 

[All_is_in_vanity]

I'm 18, started thinking about it at 16. I'm delusional and still feel I have some good left. Have you found any joy at all? No comfort?

 

[Roadrunner]

30, I'm now 61

 

[Cinnamorolls]

14 for me. 34 now.

 

[Felodese]

Started thinking about it around age 12, but I don't think I was really serious about it untill I was around 13 or 14

 

[MrOptions]

21. Now 50.

 

[Hollowman]

12, almost 50 now

 

[Coconut blue]

7

 

[totheendofinfinity]

14 or 15, when depression really got bad. I wanted to take all of the antidepressants. Wish I had ctb already but also now know overdoss likely wouldn't work, so probably a good thing I didn't try.

 

[vile samsara]

8-9ish. I wanted my parents to care about me for once. I felt terribly alone and wanted those feelings gone, i still do.

 

[SweetWilliam]

Was 42 when I first thought CTB. Now 54 and want to even more. Really close to fulfilling my obligations

 

[m1ll1pede]

9. Started sh at 9 too.

 

[permanently tired]

I was 16 and it's only gotten worse now

 

[Forever Sleep]

I was 10. Not sure it was active ideation exactly but I definitely wanted to be gone. I'm 44 now.

It's interesting to see both in this thread- the age people were when they first seriously considered it and their age now.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I walked off a job years ago. I didn't even clock out. My plan was to go home and ctb but when I got home, I felt great and fell asleep on the floor by the door.

 

[rokonie]

Became depressed at 13, but started to search up ways to off myself when i was 14-15.

 

[dinosavr]

I was 18 when I wrote my first suicidal note, but I don't think I considered it seriously until last year at 23 years old

 

[PinballWizard39]

13/14 - I'm 39 now. If I'd have known then that I'd still be alive and struggling now, I'd have tried harder - not that I held back. I was predicted to be dead by the time I was 16 because of my suicidality. Shame it didn't pan out that way. Would have saved me an awful lot of pain over the years.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

from 18 to 23, I sometimes had thoughts such as "if I jump in front of this car or metro [and die], I will not have to do [something I do not want to do]"
then those thoughts stopped for a while
but from 25 onwards, I have gone downhill beyond repair

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I've became suicidal ever since I gained the knowledge as to what death really is. Permanent non existence is just... perfection

 

[Username1359751]

10? Hospitalized at age 12 for trying to take a bottle of aspirin and again at age 13.

Am 32, at least until Sat

 

[Linda]

20.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I've never wished for something so futile and undesirable as existence, having the ability to exist is such a dreadful, pointless burden that causes nothing but meaningless suffering. My wish to die is a result of becoming aware, it's a result of having awareness of how hellish existence truly is and that there is nothing appealing about existing as a conscious being who is destined to decay and die with the ability to suffer to the most extreme extents. It's truly terrifying how one is capable of feeling such immense agony in an existence that was always so unnecessary in the first place.

I don't want to suffer in any way, I just wish for nothingness, all that's ever comforted me is the thought of eternally ceasing to exist but more than anything I wish I never existed at all, the fact that humans so harmfully procreate in the first place is the most terrible tragedy.

 

[Catch-22]

23