Venting The age when you first seriously consider CTB.

[Steff1337]

16

 

[Rhymester]

16

 

[juxta errata]

I am not sure what age exactly I would say I seriously. When I was 6 I tried to cut my neck over fucking studies (I guess I really didnt want to do my ABCs). and I tried slicing my neck but then I got scared of the pain. The most serious about killing myself has to be age 17. I am 18 currently

 

[exitingtothevoid]

I think 23 was the first time I sat down and seriously debated whether or not I wanted to do it.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Thoughts started at 13, after that the possibility of dying actually became a goal due to the problems increasing on top of each other. One year later I was set on it and it became a reality I painfully live in.

 

[kunikuzushi]

16 is when I first seriously considered it. 27 is when I had an actual plan and bought SN

 

[jyko]

12 is when I would start to consistently think about it, then 17-21 involved alot of botched impulsive attempts. 23 now is when I'm starting to really be serious about it and carefully plan it out

 

[Kusogaki]

12" but I've always had those urges in my head ever since. I've never not thought of CBTing that's my reality.

 

[drag201]

11/12 and ever since

 

[Lily_bun]

Around 6-8 after I failed trying to run away from home. My parents were very abusive and always threatened to lock me away or give me up to a new family when I misbehaved.

 

[snow-angel]

My first attempt I was 13 years old :((

 

[Ironborn]

26 was when the ideation started, took ten years for the first attempt to occur.

 

[Dr. Finklestein]

13, i'm in my mid 40's now….

 

[Boundless]

I thought about death and suicide deeply since the age of 15 or 16. I have been afraid of death for most of my life starting in those years. It took me a very long time, a lot of energy, research, life lessons and pain to get rid of these fears. But I actually managed to overcome it, which is also the achievement I am most proud of in my life. I have never felt more peaceful than I do now. It feels like I conquered myself and the universe with it!

 

[i dont feel real.]

Since 11 years old (or even more, I think maybe 10-9), I wasn't completely innocent. When I was 12 I started to get more depressed (mostly because of the bullying) and since 14 I started SH and feeling real, real bad. In 16 the idea of CTB was completely evident, and when I turned 18 things calmed a bit, but I was still thinking about it. A couple years passed and I didn't got help since a few months ago. And I feel only the meds are doing all the job, honestly.

 

[LiveOrganization97]

19. I climbed a window, I wanted to jump. Eventually I didn't. I can't say it was for the best.

 

[lostsoul2050]

12 or 13. I'm in my early 30's now.

 

[amaluuk]

Since 11 years old (or even more, I think maybe 10-9), I wasn't completely innocent. When I was 12 I started to get more depressed (mostly because of the bullying) and since 14 I started SH and feeling real, real bad. In 16 the idea of CTB was completely evident, and when I turned 18 things calmed a bit, but I was still thinking about it. A couple years passed and I didn't got help since a few months ago. And I feel only the meds are doing all the job, honestly.

Same here, though I actually almost attempted at 11 and had a couple at 12. Before then there are records of suicidal ideation (I think the youngest was around 6, I talked about wanting to die and stab myself in the eye with a pencil) but these were very on/off and I'm not sure they would count as the consistent ideation this post is looking for.

One funny anecdote was telling my mom at 8 about how I wanted to die and she was like "what? you're 8, what would you want to die over". The idea was so ridiculous to her it just didn't make sense lol. If only she knew what was in my head at that time

 

[Xe-]

I was 14 just about to turn 15 when I first wanted to CTB. My life changed for the worst when I turned 12. I am now 31.

 

[i dont feel real.]

Same here, though I actually almost attempted at 11 and had a couple at 12. Before then there are records of suicidal ideation (I think the youngest was around 6, I talked about wanting to die and stab myself in the eye with a pencil) but these were very on/off and I'm not sure they would count as the consistent ideation this post is looking for.

One funny anecdote was telling my mom at 8 about how I wanted to die and she was like "what? you're 8, what would you want to die over". The idea was so ridiculous to her it just didn't make sense lol. If only she knew what was in my head at that time

When I was like 11 or so I attempted with my air rifle, yeah, I know, stupid. But in those times my little dummy mind didn't know any methods and though a 5,5mm little steel pellet could seriously kill me. Thankfully I didn't do anything.

 

[amaluuk]

When I was like 11 or so I attempted with my air rifle, yeah, I know, stupid. But in those times my little dummy mind didn't know any methods and though a 5,5mm little steel pellet could seriously kill me. Thankfully I didn't do anything.

Yeah. I don't know at that age if the attempt necessarily needs to be a good one for it to count, just the sentiment being there is enough to show a real level of misery that no kid should feel at that age. Just goes to show if we were a bit smarter we might have solved this problem a lot sooner lol.

 

[AmericanMary]

Late 20s

 

[FallenStar]

First time the idea popped into my head I was 12/13ish years old but first time it was seriously considered would probably be at 20 years old.

 

[Glaski]

24 almost 10 years ago. My mindset hasn't changed.

 

[grungy自殺]

As someone described it on this thread, i think it depends on what you mean by seriously ctbing

In my case, passive would be the term that would be used to describe moments that i would ctb in heats and pressures of moments.

The first time that i've had develop passive thoughts of it was when i was around 5 to 8 years old when i began to do self harm as result of a family member
being a total a hole that would often torment me in my childhood years as i was a naive child to pick on

Seriously ctbing would be a long term condition and also mindset that makes me think that su is truly an answer to all my problems.

The time when i seriously think that i don't have anymore hope and that ctb is my only option was at 20

 

[tunnelV]

Age 13, horrible home life and evil older sister.

 

[judestfrancis]

i was young, maybe 8? i didnt know what ctb was, but i really wanted to die in a hospital, so i used to eat strange flowers and apple seeds because everyone told me i would ctb if i did. before then, even, i used to do things with the explicit knowledge that i could die by doing it.

 

[Bleneviola]

Honestly 14. I never really stopped feeling that way as much as I just focused on other stuff instead. But it was always in the back of my mind that it's the way I'm gonna go. 20 now. I'm glad I didn't go then. Saw so much, met so many people. But I'm ready now

 

[sometimesoon]

12" but I've always had those urges in my head ever since. I've never not thought of CBTing that's my reality.

that is mine - I started having the thoughts when I was 14 and then made my first real attempt when I was 15. Ever since it has filled my head that has lead to various attempts over time.

For me its never "if" I CTB its a matter of "when" and when seems to be sooner and sooner

 

[Kusogaki]

How many attempts have you had?

that is mine - I started having the thoughts when I was 14 and then made my first real attempt when I was 15. Ever since it has filled my head that has lead to various attempts over time.

For me its never "if" I CTB its a matter of "when" and when seems to be sooner and sooner