take me away

[in hell out soon]

i have been willing myself to die since my OD in 2016 fucked up, all because i backed out last second. always told it gets better.

it never does.

therapy doesnt work. meds dont work. pretty sure ECT wouldnt do anything because that didnt work on my ma, either.

i have shed too many fucking tears for people who would never bother to piss on me if i was on fire. Thats a turn of phrase, dont start pissing on me or set me on fire. Horrible way to go. But the fire part is getting more tempting every day.

All my life ive just wanted a friend. Everyone has their long life besties. Why couldn't I? What is so wrong with me? Its not even a romance thing. I know i have no value on that market especially, but im mostly just not into romance or 18+ adult stuff. I cant help but feel spiteful and jealous over all of their little friendship pairings and then theres me. I dont have anyone like that.

some days i manage for a little while, but then i remember to stop deluding myself.

It doesnt get better.

I think I will begin to pull back from these guys. They wont miss me, but I hope they understand when im gone that this isnt their fault, it was just my choice to finally leave. No threats, probably no note. So they shouldn't be sad. be happy im out of pain

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה,

Sounds as crazy as it is but people only last as long as G-d wants them to last.

Doesn't particularly get better, just how it actually is.

 

[marleybarley]

i have been willing myself to die since my OD in 2016 fucked up, all because i backed out last second. always told it gets better.

it never does.

therapy doesnt work. meds dont work. pretty sure ECT wouldnt do anything because that didnt work on my ma, either.

i have shed too many fucking tears for people who would never bother to piss on me if i was on fire. Thats a turn of phrase, dont start pissing on me or set me on fire. Horrible way to go. But the fire part is getting more tempting every day.

All my life ive just wanted a friend. Everyone has their long life besties. Why couldn't I? What is so wrong with me? Its not even a romance thing. I know i have no value on that market especially, but im mostly just not into romance or 18+ adult stuff. I cant help but feel spiteful and jealous over all of their little friendship pairings and then theres me. I dont have anyone like that.

some days i manage for a little while, but then i remember to stop deluding myself.

It doesnt get better.

I think I will begin to pull back from these guys. They wont miss me, but I hope they understand when im gone that this isnt their fault, it was just my choice to finally leave. No threats, probably no note. So they shouldn't be sad. be happy im out of pain

I hear you when you said nothing gets better it for sure doesnt get better just worse and worse...

 

[in hell out soon]

hi there, im an atheist sorry so that is mostly lost on me. if ive lasted this long then its only for tortures sake considering how i was conceived. my ma deserved mercy…

But more in the present, we all have our limits for how much we can take. i feel myself closer to the edge and i dont know how much longer i can endure this. but the easy part is doing nothing. People say suicide is the easy way out but it really isn't. I can't even tie a knot never-mind a frickin' noose, you know?

I do t know where im going with this. Just wanna be really fuckin dead atm. At least people can glorify the dead… they can pretend to miss a d like me then. But i always knew better in life…

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

If it makes you feel better. Your profile pic in this forums context made me laugh

 

[in hell out soon]

thanks, love to give a laugh