Suicide has always been a prospect for me, to the point where I never know when I will actually make the decision.

[Unknown21]

All my life I have wanted to CTB. It is always an option for me. Currently, I do not really know when I will do it. It is always on my mind, but I do not take practical steps toward achieving it except planning and research.
I'm so lost between wanting to end it and wanting to live. It's hard. My circumstances are very difficult and difficult to fix. I should give up at this point. Any hopes are false at this point. I'm very distracted, I want to die but I don't want to shock those close to me, I have some hopes but I know they are false, hope is toxic. I am so distracted and lost that I want to CTB even if this is not the right decision in my situation (hypothetically) just to get rid of this conflict, i want to turn off my mind and thinking. I am very, very tired.

 

[Hunterer]

It's the same for me. I've been doing research and planning, but I don't know when I'll put it into practice. I know that when the day comes, it will be difficult, and I'll probably regret it at the time I'm committing the act, because I'll feel some level of agonizing pain, but even so, the idea of ctb comforts me in a way, because when things are difficult, I can try to put it into practice, but only at the right time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering, existence really is too cruel. But anyway best wishes.