How do I stop missing my fp so much

[bl33ding_heart]

I yearn for my fp constantly. He takes over my mind to the point of it interfering with my life. As much as I love him I really don't wanna feel this way. It's both painful and very unhealthy. I can't bring myself to study for long periods of time because thoughts of him keep reappearing in my mind and distracting me. And majority of the time I just feel like a sad puppy waiting for their owner to come back. Genuinely, what do I do? The main reason I'm suicidal is because I know the stupid prospects of my borderline personality disorder like this will always come back to bite no matter how many times I attempt to get better. But as suicidal and helpless as I feel most of the time. It's hard seeing others live their lives happily and not cling on to the hope that maybe that could be me one day. If you also happen to have bpd please share your experiences and coping mechanisms.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

I used to have one too
we were inseparable and she was my safe space for about a year
I could never tell her about my plans to ctb though
but I ended up breaking down in vc with her
I spilled a bit too much to her and things just haven't been the same since
now I'm stuck spiraling, wishing that things would go back to how they were before
we don't talk anymore

I don't really know how to cope with it all
I have been told that I cannot keep dwelling on the past or what could have been
maybe it just was doomed from the start when I couldn't fully be open with her
she probably had things she couldn't open up about either too

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I've felt the same way about people. I only knew this one person a few months, but we got along so well. We would talk many hours a day about almost everything, we used to do all kinds of stuff together and I couldn't stop thinking about them when we were apart. We got into a relationship quick and talked about living together so fast. I really liked it. I fantasized a whole future of us together and thought it might happen. But, I knew at times I would destroy everything with my mental illnesses. I became scared I would be hated or left by them one day. Anytime they were in a bad mood I would think it's cause of me. I was scared about talking about how truly bad my thoughts got at times or how obsessed I was getting. In the end I started a fight over something stupid and it escalated until i was so angry everything ended. I hate being like this.

I wish I had a coping skill for you truly. I'm glad you still have hope for life and I wish you will get better. Writing your feelings down on here helps I'm glad you have that to cope. I remember you posted before about wanting medicine if you can get it. Maybe that will help you a lot. It helps a lot of people with bpd. Keep hanging on to your hope!