Discussion Sucidal Reasons

[rotting_asters]

Does anyone ever feel like they aren't valid in their reasoning for wanting to ctb??
Like for me I always compare myself to people who have it worse than I do ( i.e. abusive parents/partners, being homeless, dead end job, being disabled, etc.). And when I look at their lives I always wonder how come some of them can make it through the worst of the worst, yet I'm here thinking about ending it just because I hate myself.
I know it's harmful to compare yourself to others. I know it's downright torture, but for some reason I can't stop doing it, it's second nature at this point. So I look to this forum to see if anyone else is struggling with the same thing. Maybe knowing I'm not alone in this feeling will help me feel better.....idk

 

[silent star]

You're not alone I do the same thing, it's just so easy to compare yourself to others. The reason you want to ctb is completely understandable.

 

[UsagiDrop]

Yes. Objectively speaking, my life is fine and even great depending on who you ask. I spend a great deal of effort maintaining that image and chasing things that will make it seem like I'm doing okay, grasping at straws to feel fulfilled with something so that I don't feel so empty and meaningless all the time, so I understand why people will come to that conclusion. From the outside looking in, nobody has ever understood why I want out so bad. A lot of people I've come across have it worse than me so I can feel a little guilty about wanting to end a life that they told me they would kill to have, too.

But this isn't the pain olympics imo, we all feel the same way at the end of the day no matter how small or stupid the reason may seem to others or even ourselves. Some people have it harder than us and make it through because they have the kind of resilience that others lack, and that's okay too. We shouldn't compare ourselves to them, we will never be in their shoes. I know it seems a little obvious to say though, we're all humans so comparison is normal and will happen from time to time. I hope you don't beat yourself up too much about it or end up accidentally gaslighting yourself; your issues and reasons are valid.

 

[wiltingorchid]

Yeah, really often. My life could be so beautiful, but i feel like I chose to ruin it and that I am now to tired to change it. However, I think that everyones reason for ctb should be understood. I really don't recommend comparing your reason to the reason of others, as you are a completely other individual than the "others".