tazzmaniandevil
Member
- Jul 7, 2023
- 7
i dont know, man. my life is good. i should be happy. im going on a trip soon to meet my bestie. i dont HAVE to get a job because my family will support me financially. im in a good school, though its out for the summer now. all my days are just scrolling until i feel sick enough to eat just to stop it, browsing on the computer for a while, and then realizing it's four am and im going to feel like trash again tomorrow. im exhausted all the time. my mom pesters me about getting a job, and i know the routine would help but i quit my last one because the owners constantly fought and yelled at staff and i couldnt take it. i feel like im playing life on easy mode and im still somehow depressed? bro. come on now
i feel like the worst thing going on rn(besides the depression LOL) is the lack of gender affirming care, which...seems to me like not a big enough thing to be SUICIDAL about. i dont mean that you cant be suicidal about dysphoria, but i dont think the suicidalness is COMING from dysphoria, not entirely. i dont feel dysphoric enough to account for the amount of want i have to not be alive.
idk. it feels stupid. i feel better when i have edibles but i dont want to be useless. i thought id be in therapy by now, started looking for appointments at the beginning of summer, but now its not going to be until the end of august. am i going to live long enough to make it to that appointment?
ive considered institutionalizing myself to get the reigns out of my hands, but i have friends with personal experience and ive read about how abusive intake "care" is. i dont want to be stripped of my autonomy, i just want to be taken care of.
i dont even really want to die. it feels like a mantra in my head, i dont want to die i dont want to die i dont want to die i dont want to die, like im already dying or dead
ty for reading, i am not having a good time and id like to get off of mickeys wild ride
i feel like the worst thing going on rn(besides the depression LOL) is the lack of gender affirming care, which...seems to me like not a big enough thing to be SUICIDAL about. i dont mean that you cant be suicidal about dysphoria, but i dont think the suicidalness is COMING from dysphoria, not entirely. i dont feel dysphoric enough to account for the amount of want i have to not be alive.
idk. it feels stupid. i feel better when i have edibles but i dont want to be useless. i thought id be in therapy by now, started looking for appointments at the beginning of summer, but now its not going to be until the end of august. am i going to live long enough to make it to that appointment?
ive considered institutionalizing myself to get the reigns out of my hands, but i have friends with personal experience and ive read about how abusive intake "care" is. i dont want to be stripped of my autonomy, i just want to be taken care of.
i dont even really want to die. it feels like a mantra in my head, i dont want to die i dont want to die i dont want to die i dont want to die, like im already dying or dead
ty for reading, i am not having a good time and id like to get off of mickeys wild ride
