Discussion still want help or do you just want to ctb?

[dra1ncoreslwt]

it comes across my mind that pro lifers say suicide is selfish, but it makes me think and wonder if they would kill themselves too if they were you, if they suffered as much as you do. being very self aware makes me consider if all my recent self harm is a way to ask for help, an escape and a way of desparetly wanting to be perceived (imo) but to me it doesn't feel like that totally? it's blissful and relieving and if hidden(which is what I'm doing) it doesn't matter because even when people don't notice and I still do it. it's been gut wrenching because I felt so decided to find my preferred and best way to ctb, but the guilt and support has been holding me back, mostly because I'm scared to hurt the people that love me. but even then I don't feel decided to "improve my life", I feel I'm so much pain because even with their support I keep worsening, it keeps hurting. I became anemic last year and starved myself, I started to feel better but I relapsed, and now I'm being subtle about hiding that I'm actually trying to starve myself again. I don't know, I could list all my pains and worries and I wonder if that would be enough for others around me to understand me. because of how all I've lived and suffered is pushing me to ctb.

anyone else?

 

[Cryptonite]

I have experience with both mental disease and physical disease, and I have to say the suicidal thinking is little bit more difficult when you need to CTB because of a mental health problem.

I remember, when I had a mental disease, my suicidal thinking was just a cry for help. Somehow, there is still something inside of you that believes there is some help, even when there does not necessarily have to be. But with a physical disease, it is easier to grasp that there is no help, so now my suicidal thinking is much more directed towards really doing the CTB. It is strange.

 

[Illidan77]

Relapses is part of recovery, no-one has smooth sailing. it just a matter of the period of relapses (longer than the previous one, but sometimes it also okay if it's not longer or even shorter). and perhaps the support isn't enough? (I wrote this cause you said there's a moment you felt better and that you have a list of pain and worries that you kept by yourself i assume).
But it is your choice, i think the pro lifers are the selfish one, they aren't the one suffering.
And you can find your preferred ctb method to end the suffering or keep going because the guilt / love from people around you.
I wish the best in whatever your decision is.

 

[dra1ncoreslwt]

I have experience with both mental disease and physical disease, and I have to say the suicidal thinking is little bit more difficult when you need to CTB because of a mental health problem.

I remember, when I had a mental disease, my suicidal thinking was just a cry for help. Somehow, there is still something inside of you that believes there is some help, even when there does not necessarily have to be. But with a physical disease, it is easier to grasp that there is no help, so now my suicidal thinking is much more directed towards really doing the CTB. It is strange.

I get you :(

Relapses is part of recovery, no-one has smooth sailing. it just a matter of the period of relapses (longer than the previous one, but sometimes it also okay if it's not longer or even shorter). and perhaps the support isn't enough? (I wrote this cause you said there's a moment you felt better and that you have a list of pain and worries that you kept by yourself i assume).
But it is your choice, i think the pro lifers are the selfish one, they aren't the one suffering.
And you can find your preferred ctb method to end the suffering or keep going because the guilt / love from people around you.
I wish the best in whatever your decision is.

thank you, really

 

[theboy]

Me 2
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