Venting Do you want people to notice your pain?

[LilGhost]

I'm planning to ctb in few days. Met with my friends today. Gave one my goodbye gift. Made some "jokes" about leaving and asked some questions because well… I wanna know what would happen after I'm done. They didn't figure out. Only after I sent short goodbye when I got back home (as I wanted to be able to say how I love them as friends and receive an answer when I am still alive) I got a call to make sure that I'm not in a progress of ctb, but they trusted me easily that no everything is okay
I don't know. I just want at least my close people to notice. I don't want to be stopped and I understand that it's selfish making them realize I'm about to ctb and just make them watch me do so, but I wanna be a bit egoistic. I want to leave knowing that some people cared. I have ugly jealousy for people who receive support and help after their attempts. I want my attempt to succeed but I want to feel loved before that. I know they won't even attend my funerals, because they'd need to fly to another country as there is no way my parents would let me be burned in peace in country I live in and would request my body to be transported to my home country. Maybe that's for the best tho, as they won't miss me.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

No, not one bit. I would never put anyone I cared about through that. Life will go on after we're gone (as it should), that's what will happen.

 

[Front Back]

Kinda want to just leave and be found dead years later.

 

[BlueMist96]

Yes. I want people to know that I'm suffering. I want sympathy. I crave attention. I hate this part of myself. I'm not letting myself do that to people.

 

[neverexistedd]

no, people only make things worse

 

[Forever Sleep]

I used to- when I was younger. Especially with a best friend. I wanted them to realise when I was hurting. But then- that was pretty much all the time and- not many people can cope with that (understandably.)

Now though- no- I don't want people to realise because often- their responses don't help me. It will be how they or others have it worse. It will be all the things I should be doing to improve the situation.

I just want to be left alone now. I know what might help me. I also know what I am and am not willing to do. So- receiving another lecture on it only irritates me.

 

[PanaxMan]

I'm planning to ctb in few days. Met with my friends today. Gave one my goodbye gift. Made some "jokes" about leaving and asked some questions because well… I wanna know what would happen after I'm done. They didn't figure out. Only after I sent short goodbye when I got back home (as I wanted to be able to say how I love them as friends and receive an answer when I am still alive) I got a call to make sure that I'm not in a progress of ctb, but they trusted me easily that no everything is okay
I don't know. I just want at least my close people to notice. I don't want to be stopped and I understand that it's selfish making them realize I'm about to ctb and just make them watch me do so, but I wanna be a bit egoistic. I want to leave knowing that some people cared. I have ugly jealousy for people who receive support and help after their attempts. I want my attempt to succeed but I want to feel loved before that. I know they won't even attend my funerals, because they'd need to fly to another country as there is no way my parents would let me be burned in peace in country I live in and would request my body to be transported to my home country. Maybe that's for the best tho, as they won't miss me.

Sure but it wouldn't help or change much for anything for me at all

 

[3rdworldsadness]

Maybe but no, as nobody cares at all. Nobody cared about me at all. Through all my life I was extremely neglected and abandoned and now I afraid people seeing me cause I feel like people only will hurt. But I want to get better and I want to feel safe....I don't even know any sympathy or anything.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

I've thought about it a bit before
brain wants attention but it wouldn't change anything
there is nothing anyone could possibly do to change me

I'd just be worrying others for no reason
plus it would put my attempt at risk

so, no

 

[PainThreshold]

No, there's no point. That'll just give them a leeway to use me. Acting how supportive they are.

 

[NSA]

I feel this way sometimes and i have no idea why. Maybe its just plain old hope that someone will have the answer to making my life not suck anymore enough to not do it.