Why is the process of suicide so dreadful yet, for me, so tantalizing? I want to die, I want to chase after death, I want to just end it right then and there for no apparent reason other than impulse, momentary distress, and/or the fantasy of everything snapping to an end. Maybe that is precisely why I haven't properly hopped onto the bus yet. I know that in my last moments, I'll be full of regret, and that alone is enough to scare me off. I hope I could die suddenly in my sleep without any worries. I think being aware of my incoming death and the pain that goes with it; or even the slowness of time, is what is causing me to hesitate the most. I wish I wasn't such a coward.
I like living, I really do, I enjoy everyday and I have things I want to do, however, even when I was younger, I had always simply wanted to die.
I guess I won't ever have a planned suicide because I am witless as am I spineless but, such thoughtless attempts have a higher chance of failing. And I don't want to survive— and I don't want to die— to rue over how I wish I hadn't taken that last step to heaven. (If there even is such, I tend to believe that there is nothing after death, you just cease to exist.)
Well!
I'm tired. Everything is tiring to me, even if I am not working hard or even if I am having fun.
I'll decide later because my sleepiness is getting rid of my little bedtime mental crisis
I like living, I really do, I enjoy everyday and I have things I want to do, however, even when I was younger, I had always simply wanted to die.
I guess I won't ever have a planned suicide because I am witless as am I spineless but, such thoughtless attempts have a higher chance of failing. And I don't want to survive— and I don't want to die— to rue over how I wish I hadn't taken that last step to heaven. (If there even is such, I tend to believe that there is nothing after death, you just cease to exist.)
Well!
I'm tired. Everything is tiring to me, even if I am not working hard or even if I am having fun.
I'll decide later because my sleepiness is getting rid of my little bedtime mental crisis
