Venting starting new meds

[L.D.50]

Starting Trintellix today, after being on Cymbalta for 2-3 years.
I don't really have anyone around to talk to about this, i kind of just want a place to share how my day/week was in honesty. There are a lot of things i want to say but i can never make myself post/send them, idk why but i always feel selfish/narcissistic for even thinking anyone should take time out of their day to look at it. But right now i feel like i really need too.
But, back to the meds thing, holy fucking shit i feel so awful. My psychiatrist did taper me down from 60mg to 20mg over a month, surprisingly didn't suck as much as i thought it would. But today i feel like fucking shit. The Trintellix is making me nauseous non-stop and i just want to cry all the time.
i haven't felt this hopeless in awhile. I was doing rather well, keeping myself productive and whatnot. but over the past 2-3 months, i don't clean, i haven't done any assignments, i barley talk to anyone, i can't get myself out of bed, i can't keep up with my hygiene, the only things i have done is do useless shit on my phone and smoke a copious amount of weed. My body aches so bad.
I've been on more medications than i can remember. Trazodone, fluoxetine, Zoloft, Cymbalta, lurasidone, Seroquel, Wellbutrin, and some others, i think. When people find out I'm taking 2 antidepressants and a mood stabilizer at the same time i get a weird concerned look. I even got asked "Jesus Christ, why are you on 3?" once lol. I wonder if others question if I'm so miserable, why haven't i just done it yet? Do the pharmacists notice all of the meds i have cycled through and wonder wtf is going on with me?
I mean, i ask myself the same thing because i never even received a diagnosis. they just give me shit and say "hope this works."
Recently i feel like I'm reaching to the point in my life where i should decide if i want to keep going or not, and even though i keep trying really hard to convince myself there is good days ahead of me, i think I'm beginning to accept that I don't have anything left to hope for.
If you read this far, thank you for listening

 

[Kamaainakupua]

Thank you for sharing so honestly about what you're going through. I took most, if not all of what you listed, and they finally settled me on the max dose of sertraline (Z), but I have to split the dosage or I have terrible side effects. And even on the split dose, I have to take precautions in public. The 'medication merry-go-round', as I call it, was hell going through, but open honest discussion with your providers is key to finding the right combination for you. Open and honest about the effects, but be careful about disclosing too much detail on the ideation, unless you're prepared for a vacation. I got a frantic call from a hospital one night because a friend had let slip that one word, and was locked up for three days. She had to have her family call a lawyer to threaten action if they didn't release her.
And, yeah, in my case I've been poked and prodded, locked up and locked down so much I'm sure my providers now believe I'm just an attention seeking malingerer, and won't believe until they find the body.
In the end, your choice to continue or not will depend on your pain threshold, but you're in the right place and we're here with you as long as you're here.

 

[whywere]

1st off Congrats for taking great care of yourself.

2nd, never ever listen to others, my 70 plus years have told me that most could care less except that it something to talk about and judge others, so they feel better about themselves.

I have been on Celexa for over 10 years, and it helps my mental health and also my chronic 24/7 pain.

I am also on Hydromorphone, and both of the drugs get raised eyebrows from people and now I either walk away or laugh at them for being so narrow-minded and downright mean, never any call for anything but to help folks feel great about themselves and move humanity forward.

Hugs and kind thoughts to you always.

Walter

 

[L.D.50]

Thank you for sharing so honestly about what you're going through. I took most, if not all of what you listed, and they finally settled me on the max dose of sertraline (Z), but I have to split the dosage or I have terrible side effects. And even on the split dose, I have to take precautions in public. The 'medication merry-go-round', as I call it, was hell going through, but open honest discussion with your providers is key to finding the right combination for you. Open and honest about the effects, but be careful about disclosing too much detail on the ideation, unless you're prepared for a vacation. I got a frantic call from a hospital one night because a friend had let slip that one word, and was locked up for three days. She had to have her family call a lawyer to threaten action if they didn't release her.
And, yeah, in my case I've been poked and prodded, locked up and locked down so much I'm sure my providers now believe I'm just an attention seeking malingerer, and won't believe until they find the body.
In the end, your choice to continue or not will depend on your pain threshold, but you're in the right place and we're here with you as long as you're here.

1st off Congrats for taking great care of yourself.

2nd, never ever listen to others, my 70 plus years have told me that most could care less except that it something to talk about and judge others, so they feel better about themselves.

I have been on Celexa for over 10 years, and it helps my mental health and also my chronic 24/7 pain.

I am also on Hydromorphone, and both of the drugs get raised eyebrows from people and now I either walk away or laugh at them for being so narrow-minded and downright mean, never any call for anything but to help folks feel great about themselves and move humanity forward.

Hugs and kind thoughts to you always.

Walter

Thank you both for the kind words.
i appreciate it.