🌻Recovery Journal — Giving Life One Last Chance & Giving It All I Got

[red_cardinal]

This thread will serve as a journal, illustrating my joys and struggle as I give recovery one last chance. This time, I'll give the best of my best, and won't let myself discouraged so easily. I've had countless recovery attempts, some more serious than others, but this time, I intend to be truly committed and, hopefully, I won't need to commit (hehe) after all.

While I doubt there's going to be anyone interested in my journey in particular, here are some quick facts about myself and my situation:

- 31 NB (AFAB)
- neurodivergent
- vegan
- C-PTSD
- recovering alcoholic
- horror movie aficionado
- seal & cat enthusiast

Entry #1

Today feels promising, and not even the bleak weather can affect my mood. Whether it's renewed hope or trazodone kicking in that keeps me going, I feel quite good. My day was quite fast-paced so far, and I'm trying to keep it balanced. I cooked burritos for the first time, it was a fun process, and I'm satisfied with the result. They were quite delicious.

Suicidality level: 3/10
A word describing the day: productive
One thing I did for myself: I got myself pineapple sorbet to savor in the evening

 

[CC123]

pineapple sorbet

Pineapple sorbet -- good

 

[Mrs. T-800]

Also with CPTSD here – and vegetarian, but not vegan. That said, I have to ask, what's the food? It looks delicious. Do you have a recipe you can share?

Horror movies, woah. Are you into just scary movies? That new one »Backrooms« looks good. What do you think?

Also, I like your username. Those little cardinals are such sweet and happy, cute creatures. They uplift the day when you hear them.

 

[red_cardinal]

Also with CPTSD here – and vegetarian, but not vegan. That said, I have to ask, what's the food? It looks delicious. Do you have a recipe you can share?

Horror movies, woah. Are you into just scary movies? That new one »Backrooms« looks good. What do you think?

Also, I like your username. Those little cardinals are such sweet and happy, cute creatures. They uplift the day when you hear them.

Hello! Nice to meet you, but I'm sorry you're also struggling with C-PTSD. It's terrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You're brave and I'm happy you're still here

I cooked tofu tinga burritos. The one in the photo is unwrapped It's the first time I make this recipe, they turned out quite nice. I'm feeling slightly better on trazodone, and I'm glad to be able to enjoy cooking again (I also had to bedrest for 3 weeks due to my spine, but now I have green light to be active from the doctor). Anyway, here's the recipe:

Vegan Tofu Tinga Tacos Recipe - Delish Knowledge

Tofu Tinga Tacos! If you love spicy food, you've gotta try these vegan tofu tinga tacos. They are super easy to make and ready in less than 30 minutes. They are the perfect quick lunch or dinner option.

www.delishknowledge.com

I haven't seen Backrooms yet, but I heard it's a new one, and it's on my 'to watch' list. I enjoy both scary, lightheared, silly movies and those with depth, but I'm mostly fond of psychological horror, like Hereditary and Midsommar. I saw Weapons some months ago and I loved it. Do you like them?

Thank you Yes, they're sweet, precious birds.

 

[Mrs. T-800]

Hello! Nice to meet you, but I'm sorry you're also struggling with C-PTSD. It's terrible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You're brave and I'm happy you're still here

I cooked tofu tinga burritos. The one in the photo is unwrapped It's the first time I make this recipe, they turned out quite nice. I'm feeling slightly better on trazodone, and I'm glad to be able to enjoy cooking again (I also had to bedrest for 3 weeks due to my spine, but now I have green light to be active from the doctor). Anyway, here's the recipe:

Vegan Tofu Tinga Tacos Recipe - Delish Knowledge

Tofu Tinga Tacos! If you love spicy food, you've gotta try these vegan tofu tinga tacos. They are super easy to make and ready in less than 30 minutes. They are the perfect quick lunch or dinner option.

www.delishknowledge.com

I haven't seen Backrooms yet, but I heard it's a new one, and it's on my 'to watch' list. I enjoy both scary, lightheared, silly movies and those with depth, but I'm mostly fond of psychological horror, like Hereditary and Midsommar. I saw Weapons some months ago and I loved it. Do you like them?

Thank you Yes, they're sweet, precious birds.

Thank you. It's likewise. CPTSD is tough, but we've got this! And I'm happy you're giving life a shot! Each day is a choice to do so... even each minute...
And thank you for the recipe! It looks delicious – I wonder if I can swap those peppers with cayenne?! I'm growing two plants – also, ready in <30 minutes?! Absolute godsend of a recipe. Stuff like that (on top of trazodone I'm sure!) makes cooking fun. It's better when it's not a time-slog, difficult recipe and you can do it easily and enjoyably.
I hope your spine is better. Uff, those injuries are the worst, it affects your whole body.

I'm going to see Backrooms today actually. I never did see Weapons, though I did see the trailer. I saw a part of Hereditary but after the "sign" scene, ya know the one, I was like... oh gosh I just can't. I'm fainthearted.
You liked Midsommar? Ari Aster is really something, up and coming
I really liked The Wailing, I recommend, if you have a chance.

 

[red_cardinal]

Entry #2

Today was another nice, productive day, but I got too ambitious, and took on too many tasks. I feel productive, but I distributed my tasks for this week more evenly so I don't crash like I did so many times. Mood is nice too, despite feeling perpetually dazed and depersonalized, as it's bleak, rainy weather here, and I'm stil getting used to having trazodone in my system. My proudest accomplishment is that I replaced the toilet seat all by myself, as weird as that sounds. It's rewarding, and so was cooking sticky tofu as a side dish for the rice. Really delicious stuff! I also got to enjoy the tiramisu I made yesterday.

Suicidality level: 1/10
A word describing the day: rewarding
One thing I did for myself: I slowed down so I don't go into overdrive

View attachment IMG_2189.jpeg

 

[red_cardinal]

Thank you. It's likewise. CPTSD is tough, but we've got this! And I'm happy you're giving life a shot! Each day is a choice to do so... even each minute...
And thank you for the recipe! It looks delicious – I wonder if I can swap those peppers with cayenne?! I'm growing two plants – also, ready in <30 minutes?! Absolute godsend of a recipe. Stuff like that (on top of trazodone I'm sure!) makes cooking fun. It's better when it's not a time-slog, difficult recipe and you can do it easily and enjoyably.
I hope your spine is better. Uff, those injuries are the worst, it affects your whole body.

I'm going to see Backrooms today actually. I never did see Weapons, though I did see the trailer. I saw a part of Hereditary but after the "sign" scene, ya know the one, I was like... oh gosh I just can't. I'm fainthearted.
You liked Midsommar? Ari Aster is really something, up and coming
I really liked The Wailing, I recommend, if you have a chance.

Aww, thank you for the kind words and encouragenent! Indeed, it's important to live with intention and make the best of what you have. I realized this over the past 6 months, and it's like a breath of fresh air.

You're welcome :) Sure you can use cayenne, I used 2 chili peppers because I couldn't find jalapeño at the supermarket, and we don't have the Chipotle stuff in my country. It turned out delicious, my partner loved it and so did I. You're growing 2 cayenne pepper plants? That's so cool! I'm growing aromatic herbs with my partner, plus some flowers and succulents. We've got sage, mint (which I'm fond of the most), lavander, basil, oregano... It's a very relaxing thing, and rewarding

Yayy, enjoy watching Backrooms! I know what you mean about Hereditary -- it's deeply disturbing, and not for the faint of heart. It left a strong impression on me for a few days the first time I watched it, home alone at night The Wailing sounds like a movie I'd enjoy, so I'll add it to my looong, ever-growing list. Midsommar has become a comfort movie at this point, I've seen it so many times, and it's always a great experience. Next week I might do a challenge, watch a movie every day of the week.

Did you see The Coffee Table? It's a recent watch of mine, and I give it 8/10. It's a Spanish psychological horror/ thriller.