depthss
376 days 🪦
- Dec 12, 2023
- 40
Awhile ago we went through a very rough patch when I first told her I was suicidal. She was cruel and I never thought she could act like that. Even when things started to get better, I kept my guard up because I was scared she'd start acting like that again. And now she is. She's saying similar things and I can feel it starting again
I'm going to live a life of poverty, I want to fight with her, I want to move away just to get away from her, I haven't thought anything through, I'm impossible to deal with, I'm the only person she doesn't get along with. Stuff like that.
It's only just starting and I already feel so much worse. I've started cutting because of it already. Before, I used to just hit myself really hard with a wooden spoon after our arguments, but I'm just cutting now. I feel so much more suicidal already. I used to always want to CTB after our arguments before, and the feeling was so strong. It's coming back now. On the plus side, the powerfully painful emotions she makes me feel might finally help me get over my survival instinct and give me the motivation I need to CTB.
I'm going to live a life of poverty, I want to fight with her, I want to move away just to get away from her, I haven't thought anything through, I'm impossible to deal with, I'm the only person she doesn't get along with. Stuff like that.
It's only just starting and I already feel so much worse. I've started cutting because of it already. Before, I used to just hit myself really hard with a wooden spoon after our arguments, but I'm just cutting now. I feel so much more suicidal already. I used to always want to CTB after our arguments before, and the feeling was so strong. It's coming back now. On the plus side, the powerfully painful emotions she makes me feel might finally help me get over my survival instinct and give me the motivation I need to CTB.
